Comments on: On Confidence & Unconditional Love http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/ Sat, 13 Mar 2010 05:38:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: 101 Ways to Discover Yourself « I Think Therefore I Am http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2199 101 Ways to Discover Yourself « I Think Therefore I Am Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:55:40 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2199 [...] by comparing yourself to other people. They’re them. You’re you. Love yourself for who you are. End of [...] [...] by comparing yourself to other people. They’re them. You’re you. Love yourself for who you are. End of [...]

]]> By: BP http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2107 BP Wed, 26 Aug 2009 20:43:57 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2107 i completely get what you are saying. i just finished out a really good post graduation summer, working in the town i went to school in. the first half was amazing (and the semester leading up to it). i made some really solid connections with people and just lived the sweet life. everything made sense. i graduated, and summer was the same: grilling, disc golf, going to the pool, and everything just a really great time. but something happened and now i feel awkward, similar how one might feel in a place where they know no one. i just am not sure where to start, as it feels like im starting all over again. i completely get what you are saying. i just finished out a really good post graduation summer, working in the town i went to school in. the first half was amazing (and the semester leading up to it). i made some really solid connections with people and just lived the sweet life. everything made sense. i graduated, and summer was the same: grilling, disc golf, going to the pool, and everything just a really great time.

but something happened and now i feel awkward, similar how one might feel in a place where they know no one. i just am not sure where to start, as it feels like im starting all over again.

]]> By: marc manieri http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2083 marc manieri Mon, 24 Aug 2009 14:27:46 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2083 In my experience, self-doubt is the #1 killer of confidence. Self-doubt is mind and spirit poisen. While everyone on this planet experiences self-doubt, the key is to systematically eradicate self-doubt, which lives in our head. How do we do it? By "trading up" our thoughts. The moment we feel "bad" or any negative emotion, it's an indicator that our thoughts are out of whack - they're being attacked by self-doubt. Our job is to consciously shift from negative thougths to slightly more empowering ones. When we do this, we feel a little bit better, and we drop kick self-doubt out of our head, at least temporarily. Great topic and great post Jenny! In my experience, self-doubt is the #1 killer of confidence. Self-doubt is mind and spirit poisen. While everyone on this planet experiences self-doubt, the key is to systematically eradicate self-doubt, which lives in our head. How do we do it? By “trading up” our thoughts. The moment we feel “bad” or any negative emotion, it’s an indicator that our thoughts are out of whack – they’re being attacked by self-doubt. Our job is to consciously shift from negative thougths to slightly more empowering ones. When we do this, we feel a little bit better, and we drop kick self-doubt out of our head, at least temporarily. Great topic and great post Jenny!

]]> By: marci http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2070 marci Fri, 21 Aug 2009 22:52:01 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2070 I constantly have a struggle with my own confidence and feeling of self-worth. You hit it on the head when you wrote this: "Love yourself IF you are successful, productive, in-shape, and in a relationship. Somehow those became the new conditions." For some reason, all my life, I've felt this way, that confidence is based on external conditions. I still can't get around this habit. If you find a way, please let me know. :) I constantly have a struggle with my own confidence and feeling of self-worth. You hit it on the head when you wrote this: “Love yourself IF you are successful, productive, in-shape, and in a relationship. Somehow those became the new conditions.” For some reason, all my life, I’ve felt this way, that confidence is based on external conditions. I still can’t get around this habit. If you find a way, please let me know. :)

]]> By: On idealism and cynicism: Why it really doesn’t matter « I Think Therefore I Am http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2063 On idealism and cynicism: Why it really doesn’t matter « I Think Therefore I Am Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:10:51 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2063 [...] like to thank Jenny Blake for inspiring this post today. Thank you and keep on keeping [...] [...] like to thank Jenny Blake for inspiring this post today. Thank you and keep on keeping [...]

]]> By: Emily http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2051 Emily Thu, 20 Aug 2009 21:38:07 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2051 I haven't had any real confidence-shaking moments yet (I'm only 23, my quarter-life crisis is probably on the horizon), but I can definitely relate to that feeling of wanting to achieve more RIGHT NOW and feeling a bit helpless about either not knowing how or knowing how and knowing that it's going to take a while. So I love/hate to hear that you're going through this. Love it because to me you are someone who's pretty damn accomplished - between the job, the house, the marathon, the general attitude, I think there's a lot about your life that is something for me to strive for - so if you're going through this then I'm not a crazy for having the occasional moment of wondering where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. Hate because if you're going through it then how is anyone supposed to avoid it! Oh and because I like you and want you to feel good about yourself :) I haven’t had any real confidence-shaking moments yet (I’m only 23, my quarter-life crisis is probably on the horizon), but I can definitely relate to that feeling of wanting to achieve more RIGHT NOW and feeling a bit helpless about either not knowing how or knowing how and knowing that it’s going to take a while.

So I love/hate to hear that you’re going through this. Love it because to me you are someone who’s pretty damn accomplished – between the job, the house, the marathon, the general attitude, I think there’s a lot about your life that is something for me to strive for – so if you’re going through this then I’m not a crazy for having the occasional moment of wondering where I’m going and how I’m going to get there. Hate because if you’re going through it then how is anyone supposed to avoid it! Oh and because I like you and want you to feel good about yourself :)

]]> By: Marc KS http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2050 Marc KS Thu, 20 Aug 2009 20:11:37 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2050 Something I left out in my last comment - I've found that the fall from "fake" confidence (externally validated confidence) is more precipitous the higher the fake/real confidence ratio gets. It's especially bad when you are one of those "Learn by running into things eyes down and head first" kind of people I went through 6 months of hell about a year after I graduated. Hurt alot of people and ruined some good relationships Something I left out in my last comment – I’ve found that the fall from “fake” confidence (externally validated confidence) is more precipitous the higher the fake/real confidence ratio gets.

It’s especially bad when you are one of those “Learn by running into things eyes down and head first” kind of people

I went through 6 months of hell about a year after I graduated. Hurt alot of people and ruined some good relationships

]]> By: Irina I http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2049 Irina I Thu, 20 Aug 2009 19:57:49 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2049 Jenny, it was very interesting to hear about the "decision" you made about confidence in 9th grade. Were you popular in high school? I'd love to see a post about that...it's something no one talks about but all of us lived through popularity/non-popularity in high school and I would love to read an honest post about that! Also, one way I boost my confidence is by developing relationships with mentors who have been through life and who can tell me that it will all be okay (parents do not count). Jenny, it was very interesting to hear about the “decision” you made about confidence in 9th grade. Were you popular in high school? I’d love to see a post about that…it’s something no one talks about but all of us lived through popularity/non-popularity in high school and I would love to read an honest post about that!

Also, one way I boost my confidence is by developing relationships with mentors who have been through life and who can tell me that it will all be okay (parents do not count).

]]> By: Jenny http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2048 Jenny Thu, 20 Aug 2009 18:59:35 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2048 Carlos, J-Money, Positively Present, Annamaria, Kimling and Trina - thank you ALL for your amazing comments and support. I didn't reply directly but know that I am feeling the love! Thank you for stopping by and for leaving such kind words on this post - it really means a lot :D Carlos, J-Money, Positively Present, Annamaria, Kimling and Trina – thank you ALL for your amazing comments and support. I didn’t reply directly but know that I am feeling the love! Thank you for stopping by and for leaving such kind words on this post – it really means a lot :D

]]> By: Jenny http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/08/18/on-confidence-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-2047 Jenny Thu, 20 Aug 2009 18:55:40 +0000 http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/?p=813#comment-2047 Hi Marc - Thanks so much for stopping by, and for leaving such an insightful comment. I was thinking about many of the same things as I wrote this post. High school and college were clearly mapped out (I was an active student and athlete). The measures of success, again problematic in that they were external, were very clear. I think that set me up for some of the shocks I felt earlier this year. I think not having clear-cut validation is shocking for some (myself included!), and part of the maturation process is realizing that true confidence and love has to come from inside. Thanks again for your comment :) Hi Marc – Thanks so much for stopping by, and for leaving such an insightful comment. I was thinking about many of the same things as I wrote this post. High school and college were clearly mapped out (I was an active student and athlete). The measures of success, again problematic in that they were external, were very clear. I think that set me up for some of the shocks I felt earlier this year.

I think not having clear-cut validation is shocking for some (myself included!), and part of the maturation process is realizing that true confidence and love has to come from inside.

Thanks again for your comment :)

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