The biggest change has been in my overall outlook. I’ve been noticing when I’m telling myself negative stories that make me feel less confident or less hopeful (If I just do X, then I will meet someone) and replacing it with positive thoughts like “It will happen” and appreciating all the things I love about being single and having a full life.

I’m also trying to be even more social – going out more and leaving the house even when I’m tired. I’m doing things to increase my self confidence so that when I am out, I’m projecting a happy, positive vibe (taking care of myself, working out). I’m not doing these things with the sole purpose of meeting someone – I’m doing them because they feel good and make me happy. I like working out, being social and meeting new people. Much more so than doing the whole online dating thing. That said, I still haven’t been on any AMAZING dates, but that’s okay. I’ve been on DATES which still counts for something

That’s the short version – it’s probably time for a follow-up blog post on the subject…

I have no yet been intrigued enough to try online dating (although I do know of a few serious relationships that came about through this form of dating) but it just seems like another place to find sleeziness. But perhaps I’ll give it a try – as Lululemon says, do one thing a day that scares you. Well it terrifies me…so maybe (just maybe) I’ll give it a shot.

Any updates since this was posted way back in August?

I have never yet tried on-line dating and believe that it is possible to do it the old fashioned way, but I don’t see it necessarily a bad option either. So is your approach unreasonable? I guess time will tell . Wishing you good luck!

Like Ryan I am also the exception to the rule. I started out just being into school, sports, friends, etc..it was never really all about girls for me. Met someone in my first year of college and we became really good friends. No biggie. The next year after a summer apart we just hit it off and grew closer. Started dating and got married 5 days after we graduated college…at the age of 21…almost 11 years ago! One girl, one life, one love. Not a popular thought among guys who typically want to “date” (yes i put that in quotes) 30 girls a year, but it worked for me. In my case my career building happened after the girl, so we both grew our careers together.

I would partially disagree with one thought on here and thats that you must pick one…a career or a relationship. I feel if one goes into it thinking that then they’re right, it will never work. I’d suggest to just let life happen and not force or hinder love in any way. Besides you may think that your career/personal goals is the most important thing right now, but once weighed against love or adventure or whatever else you want, you might make a different choice.

Here a little test I do every now and then. Its almost impossible to do this right since many (including myself) can’t truly detach themselves from, well, themselves. Try to imagine yourself looking back at your life. Through the eyes of your older self, are the choices you are making now still the ones you would have made if you could do it again. This would mean you almost have to guess what you would be like in the future. Kinda crazy I know.

Thanks for a nice thought provoking post Jenny. All the best to everyone in their search for the right balance. There is no magic equation to life or love, there is only your equation.
-Chaalz

Meeting someone at a coffee shop because of a spark when we crossed eyes is in my opinion selecting solely on the basis of physical attraction (and perhaps a little bit for confidence).

I’ve gone on dates with girls that I’ve met at coffee shops because I felt a spark when our eyes met… never worked out though – The kind of person I need to be happy with is not common and selecting for that person on the basis of “spark” (sexual attraction) alone ends up with a high percentage of misses.

Typically I would class girls met at a club in the category of “likely going to be a bad date” – However, when I’m looking for girls who act a certain way I’ve actually found it easier to find the kind of girl I like at a club – meeting the girl dancing her face off all by herself (stone sober) on the dance floor has worked out more often than not for me (3 out of 4 times resulted in quality dates where at the very least I wanted another date… but I digress).

I would classify online dating in a similar category to the club… When I’ve gone on dates that resulted from online connections I’ve had success (quality dates) when I was selecting on the basis of how strongly their profile description resonated with me. I’ve also had really bad dates with sketchy girls when I broke down and messaged someone because I thought they were really cute.

I agree quality trumps quantity everytime – but I really don’t think eyes locked across the room is the best way of selecting for quality over quantity.