However, for the majority of people, that is the reality.
Look around, how many of your friends are struggling with their life?
How many families do you see that you can classify comfortable? Very few.

I’m not sure what you meant by balance. But in my opinion, you can’t balance out both things at the same thing. Well you can but you will not grow to its full potential with either case.
As opposed to you focus on your career for 10 years say, and then you are set and then you look for a family.

It may not work for everyone, and most will not do it.

Quick fixes inevitably have downsides (which is why they are quick fixes and not permanent ones) – Liposuction/Drugs can be very effective quick fixes for weight loss, but is the downside worth the risk? (In my opinion the downside is often only worth the risk for the extreme cases – Someone with strong social anxiety might need a crutch to help themselves… most of us just need to quick making excuses and go for it)
If you aren’t willing to give up your limiting beliefs, maybe you just plain aren’t ready to see the benefits of not having those beliefs.

Carlos – I’m with you that “princesses” (and likewise assholes) are boring. ALL of us deserve more than that, and it would be a waste of our precious time to spend time talking to or pursuing those types at the bar. Part of what I think is appealing about this mentality is the feeling of “I’m worth it.” I have a great boyfriend at home because I’M GREAT (in an understated confidence kind of way, not the bitchy kind).

As much as I generally dislike games, sometimes a little hard to get upon first meeting DOES make it more fun…for both the pursuer and the pursued.

And Ryan, don’t worry – grandma doesn’t read the comments, so you can drop all the F-bombs you want

Elisa – I had the same reaction for a split second, then came to the same realization – it’s all about learning new ways to develop happiness that comes from the inside. Sometimes, GOOD LORD that is easier said than done. So I like the fact that Ryan gives us a little “booster” trick here. If nothing else, it will make me laugh the next time I’m at the bar, picturing my boyfriend waiting at home (it’s Vin Diesel by the way, in case any of you were wondering).

Tomasz – I don’t think it’s desperation, I just think that as humans we are programmed to want to be around other people. I believe that whether dating or in relationship, part of what MAKES us human is connection with others, and ultimately sharing love (with family, friends and significant others). I think it’s a balance between being open to new relationships (from a place of inner happiness) and being totally fine alone too.

Norcross – Amen. As someone once told me, “The first time somebody shows you who they are, LISTEN.” Same goes for pursuing a relationship – the first time someone shows disinterest or disrespect, move on! Life’s too short. And while I have you here, great job on Elisa’s website!!

Marc – You bring up such a good point. I’ve been reading a lot about subconscious thinking in Brian Tracy’s book, Maximum Achievement. He says something similar to you, which is that our thoughts create our reality, and that you shouldn’t manifest or think thoughts that you wouldn’t actively wish to be true.

I like the way you rephrased the thought to “if this interaction doesn’t work out I know there will be many more” – much like Ryan’s strategy, that seems to also take the pressure off. And, I think as Ryan points out, maybe the “fake boyfriend” thought can still serve as a temporary step for those who have a hard time jumping right to complete inner confidence. I do agree that it’s probably not a great long-term practice to internalize false information (which I don’t think Ryan would recommend either). Great comment – really got me thinking. Thank you!

I think you bring up a valid point with respect to the “trick/technique” in question. Certainly, the alternative you mention is the better approach at the end of the day. I liken it to losing weight though. Sometimes you can’t just tell people to eat less and work out more. Sometimes there has to be a ‘quick fix,’ and once they witness that starting to work the latter will often start to take care of itself (at least in my experience.)

Thanks for contributing to the discussion. Great comment!