Dating is a Roller Coaster (hint, hint: metaphor for life)

Jenny!!! Thank you for this post! As a single person myself, I often find myself giving people excuses as to WHY I am single and havent found Mr. Perfect. And it typically involves me saying something along the lines of “I just have too much I’m working on” or “Im enjoying being single”- or some variation of that. Its very much another step in not allowing ourselves to feel. Or admit that we are feeling. And while I am enjoying singlehood, its just another state, not something to have to explain to people or give excuses. We just are. Simple as that! I do hope to find Mr. Right someday, but until that day, I will sit back and enjoy the ride, and try not to have to explain why it is.

Jenny!!! Thank you for this post! As a single person myself, I often find myself giving people excuses as to WHY I am single and havent found Mr. Perfect. And it typically involves me saying something along the lines of “I just have too much I’m working on” or “Im enjoying being single”- or some variation of that. Its very much another step in not allowing ourselves to feel. Or admit that we are feeling. And while I am enjoying singlehood, its just another state, not something to have to explain to people or give excuses. We just are. Simple as that! I do hope to find Mr. Right someday, but until that day, I will sit back and enjoy the ride, and try not to have to explain why it is.

Going with the flow is great advice. That’s what I’ve done my entire life, and it’s paid off. Going with the flow allows you to extend your highs and get through the lows. You start to take on life and enjoy the ride, instead of riding the emotion of your expectations.

Life is always going to be a roller coaster, but it doesn’t have to be a wooden one – those things are painful!

Going with the flow is great advice. That’s what I’ve done my entire life, and it’s paid off. Going with the flow allows you to extend your highs and get through the lows. You start to take on life and enjoy the ride, instead of riding the emotion of your expectations.

Life is always going to be a roller coaster, but it doesn’t have to be a wooden one – those things are painful!

Your last piece struck a chord: “Cooking up some elaborate story about why I’m single and asking guy friends to confirm it doesn’t serve me.” Let’s not get stuck in the “what if’s” or “why” because there aren’t really answers and in the end, it works when it works.

I’m right with you on this post. Sometimes I also like to think that no, I’m not the only one There are so many people in the same position and we’re all going through the motions. Great post!

As you may or may not know, I’m currently going thru a “women scare me” phase. It’s a cooler/funnier way for me to say it, rather than the truth which is…I’m a pussy that doesn’t feel like getting hurt anymore.

I’ve had waaay too much bad crap happen to me lately in terms of women and it’s scared me straight from wanting to meet or date women. Although sometimes I wish it steered me queer because I might have better luck with dudes than girls these days.

I know life is a roller coaster and I’m suppose to enjoy the ride, but I’m feeling white knuckled here.

Your last piece struck a chord: “Cooking up some elaborate story about why I’m single and asking guy friends to confirm it doesn’t serve me.” Let’s not get stuck in the “what if’s” or “why” because there aren’t really answers and in the end, it works when it works.

I’m right with you on this post. Sometimes I also like to think that no, I’m not the only one There are so many people in the same position and we’re all going through the motions. Great post!

As you may or may not know, I’m currently going thru a “women scare me” phase. It’s a cooler/funnier way for me to say it, rather than the truth which is…I’m a pussy that doesn’t feel like getting hurt anymore.

I’ve had waaay too much bad crap happen to me lately in terms of women and it’s scared me straight from wanting to meet or date women. Although sometimes I wish it steered me queer because I might have better luck with dudes than girls these days.

I know life is a roller coaster and I’m suppose to enjoy the ride, but I’m feeling white knuckled here.

Ahhh, yes. The recognition of the feeling hiding in the background, sneaking up slowly until there is no choice but to acknowledge it. Of course, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But it sounds serious

You make such a great point. It’s totally okay to feel it all, even if it’s not really what you (I) want to be feeling. There’s this constant pressure to be happy all the time, but it seems that the fastest way to be happy is….to acknowledge when you’re not and then move on. Hello irony!

Nice post.

Ahhh, yes. The recognition of the feeling hiding in the background, sneaking up slowly until there is no choice but to acknowledge it. Of course, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But it sounds serious

You make such a great point. It’s totally okay to feel it all, even if it’s not really what you (I) want to be feeling. There’s this constant pressure to be happy all the time, but it seems that the fastest way to be happy is….to acknowledge when you’re not and then move on. Hello irony!

Nice post.

My excuse all year? I’m too busy for dating, men don’t fit in my lifestyle right now, 2009 is all about ME, etc… And then, as you said, when I gave myself permission to FEEL my feelings, I realized that yeah, while it was probably true and good for me to give myself some room to grow, I might’ve also been slightly hiding from being scared of getting close again.

Great post, very thought-provoking, I like!

My excuse all year? I’m too busy for dating, men don’t fit in my lifestyle right now, 2009 is all about ME, etc… And then, as you said, when I gave myself permission to FEEL my feelings, I realized that yeah, while it was probably true and good for me to give myself some room to grow, I might’ve also been slightly hiding from being scared of getting close again.

Great post, very thought-provoking, I like!

I think even Dr. Seuss was good about acknowleding the ups and downs of things (altough Great Day for Up is a bit biased.)

It’s funny how shifting tense is a quick way to go from victim to opportunity. Asking “how” questions over “why” questions really is effective (“how can I …” over “why can’t I …”.)

I think even Dr. Seuss was good about acknowleding the ups and downs of things (altough Great Day for Up is a bit biased.)

It’s funny how shifting tense is a quick way to go from victim to opportunity. Asking “how” questions over “why” questions really is effective (“how can I …” over “why can’t I …”.)

As a fellow 26 year old, I can totally relate to this post. One minute it’s great, the next it sucks. Focusing on the present moment really helps me not to worry about the future too much!

As a fellow 26 year old, I can totally relate to this post. One minute it’s great, the next it sucks. Focusing on the present moment really helps me not to worry about the future too much!

Funny that I was just discussing this with a friend the other day. As someone who’s lifestyle/work(?) doesn’t really permit more than casual dating, it’s become more and more important for me to appreciate the good people around me when they are there and find ways to cope when they aren’t anymore.

To followup on JD’s mention of Dr. Seuss, a quote that I think fits nicely:

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

Life is a series of moments, and the trick is the make as many of those moments good as possible. It doesn’t matter if a relationship or job or living situation won’t last forever…it just matters that you enjoyed the good while it was there and always have it to remember from that point on.

So long as you’re doing this, no matter what you’re up to, you’ll be in the best possible situation. So date! Or don’t! Work! Or don’t! Have no expectations except that whatever happens you’ll make the best of it and when it’s over, you’ll smile because it happened.

Funny that I was just discussing this with a friend the other day. As someone who’s lifestyle/work(?) doesn’t really permit more than casual dating, it’s become more and more important for me to appreciate the good people around me when they are there and find ways to cope when they aren’t anymore.

To followup on JD’s mention of Dr. Seuss, a quote that I think fits nicely:

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

Life is a series of moments, and the trick is the make as many of those moments good as possible. It doesn’t matter if a relationship or job or living situation won’t last forever…it just matters that you enjoyed the good while it was there and always have it to remember from that point on.

So long as you’re doing this, no matter what you’re up to, you’ll be in the best possible situation. So date! Or don’t! Work! Or don’t! Have no expectations except that whatever happens you’ll make the best of it and when it’s over, you’ll smile because it happened.

Before I jump into individual comments, I just want to say that you guys rock. Seriously. Your comments never fail to lift me up, make me smile, give me more to think about. Thank you.
Kristi – Ah, the excuses and explanations – they can really drive us (me) crazy!! It’s so hard not to get caught up in them, but it’s so funny to think about the fact that we have NO clue what’s in store for us. While there is an element of taking responsibility for our actions and the “vibe” we’re putting out there, to a certain extent all we can really do is be ourselves and enjoy our lives. I love what you said about singlehood being another state and focusing on enjoying it without having to explain it. So true!

Mark – I love what you said about extending the highs and getting through the lows, and the element of being proactive about making the most of our lives rather than letting emotions run us wild. Expectations are dangerous too – because so often life has something else in store for us than what we’ve planned. I try to let go of attachments to ideas about the way things should be – sounds like that’s something you’ve really focused on too. As for wooden roller coasters? Those are just plain scary!

Grace – So true – asking “why” is usually not that productive. Why am I single? Why did he breakup with me? Why didn’t he call? POINTLESS! I think we’re so much better off to just accept what happens or the state we’re in and look forward.

David – I’m sorry things have been so rough for you lately – from your blog posts, I can completely understand why you don’t feel like getting hurt any more. Your analogy about feeling white knuckled makes complete sense. To stick with the roller coaster analogy, sometimes once you’ve booted a few times it’s time to get OFF the ride and take a break. I’m sure you’ll jump back on at some point, but no need to torture yourself for the time being if you’re already spinning from the last few rounds. As for “enjoying the ride” – we’d all do well to remember that that’s easier said than done at times

Eve – you crack me up! So true that the fastest way to be happy sometimes is to just let ourselves relax and pay attention to what’s bubbling up. There’s positive thinking and then there’s denial – love what you said about acknowledging what’s going on and then moving on. Touche

Doniree – Girl, I’ve been in that boat! For me, the busier I am, the more I can mask whatever fears exist about dating or meeting someone. Then when I slow down a little bit, I realize that those haven’t really gone anywhere. I’m sure they are completely normal (who doesn’t have fears when it comes to dating, love and relationships?) but still worth revisiting (and busting ‘em up) from time to time.

JD – Oh Dr. Seuss – such a wise, wise man! I absolutely love what you said about asking “how” questions instead of “why.” SUCH great advice. A friend of mine also suggested replacing “shoulds” with “coulds.” So rather than, “I should be meeting more people,” I could replace that with “I could be meeting more people” then filling it in with some ideas for HOW, just like you said.

Dani – Thanks for your comment. I agree – there are so many great things about being 26 (as I joke, over the hill) but it has it’s moments of “oh shit! I’m not fresh out of college any more…time to figure out what I really want for this next phase of my life.” I always love your reminders to live in the present and not worry too much about the future.

Colin – Love that quote!! Such a great way to look at people we’ve met. I am with you – right now I’m all about surrounding myself with smart, funny, fun, great people – that is so rewarding in itself. Just because we’re not dating doesn’t mean we can’t have an entire menu of people and experiences to choose from and fill in the gaps. Love your reminder that nothing is permanent and we should enjoy the good while it’s here without burdening it with expectations. There is so much good around us every day – and it only grows by paying attention to it. Thanks so much for stopping by – I really loved your comment!

Before I jump into individual comments, I just want to say that you guys rock. Seriously. Your comments never fail to lift me up, make me smile, give me more to think about. Thank you.

Kristi – Ah, the excuses and explanations – they can really drive us (me) crazy!! It’s so hard not to get caught up in them, but it’s so funny to think about the fact that we have NO clue what’s in store for us. While there is an element of taking responsibility for our actions and the “vibe” we’re putting out there, to a certain extent all we can really do is be ourselves and enjoy our lives. I love what you said about singlehood being another state and focusing on enjoying it without having to explain it. So true!

Mark – I love what you said about extending the highs and getting through the lows, and the element of being proactive about making the most of our lives rather than letting emotions run us wild. Expectations are dangerous too – because so often life has something else in store for us than what we’ve planned. I try to let go of attachments to ideas about the way things should be – sounds like that’s something you’ve really focused on too. As for wooden roller coasters? Those are just plain scary!

Grace – So true – asking “why” is usually not that productive. Why am I single? Why did he breakup with me? Why didn’t he call? POINTLESS! I think we’re so much better off to just accept what happens or the state we’re in and look forward.

David – I’m sorry things have been so rough for you lately – from your blog posts, I can completely understand why you don’t feel like getting hurt any more. Your analogy about feeling white knuckled makes complete sense. To stick with the roller coaster analogy, sometimes once you’ve booted a few times it’s time to get OFF the ride and take a break. I’m sure you’ll jump back on at some point, but no need to torture yourself for the time being if you’re already spinning from the last few rounds. As for “enjoying the ride” – we’d all do well to remember that that’s easier said than done at times

Eve – you crack me up! So true that the fastest way to be happy sometimes is to just let ourselves relax and pay attention to what’s bubbling up. There’s positive thinking and then there’s denial – love what you said about acknowledging what’s going on and then moving on. Touche

Doniree – Girl, I’ve been in that boat! For me, the busier I am, the more I can mask whatever fears exist about dating or meeting someone. Then when I slow down a little bit, I realize that those haven’t really gone anywhere. I’m sure they are completely normal (who doesn’t have fears when it comes to dating, love and relationships?) but still worth revisiting (and busting ‘em up) from time to time.

JD – Oh Dr. Seuss – such a wise, wise man! I absolutely love what you said about asking “how” questions instead of “why.” SUCH great advice. A friend of mine also suggested replacing “shoulds” with “coulds.” So rather than, “I should be meeting more people,” I could replace that with “I could be meeting more people” then filling it in with some ideas for HOW, just like you said.

Dani – Thanks for your comment. I agree – there are so many great things about being 26 (as I joke, over the hill) but it has it’s moments of “oh shit! I’m not fresh out of college any more…time to figure out what I really want for this next phase of my life.” I always love your reminders to live in the present and not worry too much about the future.

Colin – Love that quote!! Such a great way to look at people we’ve met. I am with you – right now I’m all about surrounding myself with smart, funny, fun, great people – that is so rewarding in itself. Just because we’re not dating doesn’t mean we can’t have an entire menu of people and experiences to choose from and fill in the gaps. Love your reminder that nothing is permanent and we should enjoy the good while it’s here without burdening it with expectations. There is so much good around us every day – and it only grows by paying attention to it. Thanks so much for stopping by – I really loved your comment!

Kristi, you bring up a great point.

Why do we need to make excuses, I am not sure if this is more of an issue for women then men.

But I think this all goes back to the core, that society has drilled in this mentality that we need to be with someone. I mean let’s look around, there are more and more options available for people. Not everyone is following the, lets go to school, find a job, get married, have kids and die cycle.

Kristi, you bring up a great point.

Why do we need to make excuses, I am not sure if this is more of an issue for women then men.

But I think this all goes back to the core, that society has drilled in this mentality that we need to be with someone. I mean let’s look around, there are more and more options available for people. Not everyone is following the, lets go to school, find a job, get married, have kids and die cycle.

You ever notice that it ISN’T ok to ask married/dating people “Geez, why are you married/dating” but it’s totally fine to be like “Geez, why AREN’T you?” And everyone has advice, opinions, etc. I make up the stories cause it is just SO MUCH EASIER than having to get into a long conversation about it.

I had a date last night, he ended up getting sick and rescheduling. I was in a total roller coaster low. Yet I have the most amazing friends, who stole me away and took me out for wings and beers to keep my mind off of it.

That’s one of the additional things about roller coaster rides. They are fun in and of themselves, but they are even MORE fun when you have friends to join you for the ride!

You ever notice that it ISN’T ok to ask married/dating people “Geez, why are you married/dating” but it’s totally fine to be like “Geez, why AREN’T you?” And everyone has advice, opinions, etc. I make up the stories cause it is just SO MUCH EASIER than having to get into a long conversation about it.

I had a date last night, he ended up getting sick and rescheduling. I was in a total roller coaster low. Yet I have the most amazing friends, who stole me away and took me out for wings and beers to keep my mind off of it.

That’s one of the additional things about roller coaster rides. They are fun in and of themselves, but they are even MORE fun when you have friends to join you for the ride!

As a 25-year-old single woman myself, I am truly happy to read this blog. Sometimes, you need a change in perspective to realize you are not alone. There is always someone else in the world that is going through the same or similiar situations as you. I just graduated from college this past May with a nursing degree and now I’m in the “real-world”. I’m contending with loads of information and a new stage in my life. I’m turning 26 in a few days and started feeling the bday blues…of yes, you guessed it…why am I still single?! Reading all of your guys’ posts have inspired me to do the best that I can to live in the moment and take care of number 1, me. Everything struck a chord with me but the thing that grabbed my attention the most was to be okay with the emotions that comes with feeling lonely. I don’t think any human being can say they are positive 100% of the time. As long as your good days outweigh the bad. THANK YOU JENNY AND TO ALL THE BLOGGERS. You don’t know this, but I really needed to read this.

As a 25-year-old single woman myself, I am truly happy to read this blog. Sometimes, you need a change in perspective to realize you are not alone. There is always someone else in the world that is going through the same or similiar situations as you. I just graduated from college this past May with a nursing degree and now I’m in the “real-world”. I’m contending with loads of information and a new stage in my life. I’m turning 26 in a few days and started feeling the bday blues…of yes, you guessed it…why am I still single?! Reading all of your guys’ posts have inspired me to do the best that I can to live in the moment and take care of number 1, me. Everything struck a chord with me but the thing that grabbed my attention the most was to be okay with the emotions that comes with feeling lonely. I don’t think any human being can say they are positive 100% of the time. As long as your good days outweigh the bad. THANK YOU JENNY AND TO ALL THE BLOGGERS. You don’t know this, but I really needed to read this.

Stephanie – Thanks so much for your comment – and for stopping by. It inspired me to post a follow-up (today’s post) – I hesitated at first for fear that I was being overly sensitive or something – then I realized that if I was going through emotional ups and downs, of course other people out there are too. Your comment (and others’) really helped confirm that for me. So thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts – I’m so glad this post and the great comments people left struck a chord with you. And CHEERS to being 26! Happy Birthday

Stephanie – Thanks so much for your comment – and for stopping by. It inspired me to post a follow-up (today’s post) – I hesitated at first for fear that I was being overly sensitive or something – then I realized that if I was going through emotional ups and downs, of course other people out there are too. Your comment (and others’) really helped confirm that for me. So thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts – I’m so glad this post and the great comments people left struck a chord with you. And CHEERS to being 26! Happy Birthday

So well said, Jenny. I definitely have those days where I’m all, “I’m a strong independent woman — not only do I not need a man, I don’t even want one!” But then there are days when the loneliness all comes flooding back at once, and all my positive energy is temporarily washed away. The hardest part for me, at least, is letting go of those “comfort ties” with guys that are safe, that are sometimes around and sometimes gone, that I keep nearby for moments when I feel vulnerable. It’s challenging to let those go because then I will truly be alone during those tough days, but I know I can handle it myself!

So well said, Jenny. I definitely have those days where I’m all, “I’m a strong independent woman — not only do I not need a man, I don’t even want one!” But then there are days when the loneliness all comes flooding back at once, and all my positive energy is temporarily washed away. The hardest part for me, at least, is letting go of those “comfort ties” with guys that are safe, that are sometimes around and sometimes gone, that I keep nearby for moments when I feel vulnerable. It’s challenging to let those go because then I will truly be alone during those tough days, but I know I can handle it myself!

I found your blog yesterday and i absolutely love it. I can totally relate!

I found your blog yesterday and i absolutely love it. I can totally relate!

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