Domesticating Jaguars: Let’s All Learn from My Crazy Dream

by Jenny • March 30th, 2010

The other night I had the most vivid dream. I was talking on my cell phone while at this dry, dusty, fenced-in dog park…but for jaguars. JAGUARS.

A Peek Inside My Crazy Brain Dream:

There were a handful of other jaguar handlers standing around the perimeter of the park watching their giant felines, and I was chasing mine around while trying to carry on a conversation. I remember thinking, “Argh! How am I supposed to talk on the phone when my JAGUAR will not listen to me?!? Sit! Down Jaguar! Heel!” No luck.

My jaguar, daunting in size, kept running away from me and around the park as I tried frantically to get him to listen, all the while with my cell phone pressed against my ear.

You’ve Got To Know When To Fold ‘Em

This could be a dream about multi-tasking, but really I think it is a dream about knowing when to quit (as Seth Godin says in The Dip). Put another way: stop trying to domesticate the jaguar. YOU CANNOT DOMESTICATE A JAGUAR.

I’m not even saying you should stop trying to “domesticate” people. I’m talking about doing things in general that just aren’t working.

Recognize when:

You are barking up the wrong tree – trying to achieve something impossible or with diminishing returns – when that energy or attention could be better directed elsewhere.
You are doing too many things at once.
You are struggling with something that no matter how much you try, is only causing more stress.
A relationship (or job) feels forced, or you find yourself trying to make it work even when it starts causing both of you more harm than good.

Did you laugh when you read the summary of my dream? Because I did. Who in their right mind tries to domesticate a jaguar? Replaying the dream, watching myself chasing this wild beast around (while talking on a cell phone), made me chuckle. I got to thinking: in what areas of my life am I trying to domesticate jaguars?

And so I ask you: in what areas of YOUR life are you trying to domesticate jaguars?

As Kenny Rogers would say, “You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em/Know when to walk away and know when to run.” (From one of my all-time favorite songs, The Gambler).

Got any jaguars in your life? Or just plain crazy dreams you want to share? I’m all ears…

***
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32 comments

Categories: Life

http://www.valeriemondesir.com Valerie M

Jenny, this was GREAT! We always get caught up trying to domesticate a jaguar, but the problem often looks like a jaguar dressed up as a cute little kitten!

One thing I’ve been trying to domesticate is my job. It looks so easy (and literally, it is). But it is also mind-numbingly boring to the point where it sucks energy from every other aspect of my life. Looks like the jaguar is coming out from behing the mask…
http://www.bflofutsal.com/ryanknapp/ Ryan Knapp

Recognize when:

You are barking up the wrong tree – trying to achieve something impossible or with diminishing returns – when that energy or attention could be better directed elsewhere.

You are doing too many things at once.

You are struggling with something that no matter how much you try, is only causing more stress.

A relationship (or job) feels forced, or you find yourself trying to make it work even when it starts causing both of you more harm than good.

-Please get out of my mind, thanks. Seriously, you pretty much outlined my life.
jeremyorr

Oh man, JB, this is freaking awesome! And such good advice to boot. I thought it was hilarious when you first told me about it but to hear you describe it here, your dream really was telling you something. I want you to know that this post really helped me, some things just shouldn't be that hard. If they are, they're just not right and you have to give them up. You quoted Kenny Rodgers AND posted the video. Killin' me JB!
http://www.positivewavesbaby.com/ Greg Blencoe

Jenny,

What a funny dream (but with a good message)!

While I am a big believer in persistence, I have noticed that there are a lot of times when you are simply swimming upstream and things aren't getting better. When this happens, it's usually best to just let it go and move on like you mentioned.

In the context of relationships, one of my favorite quotes (I heard Oprah say this) is:

“Believe people when they show you who they are the first time.”

Many times in my life I was foolish enough to expect that a person would change. But most of the time they don't. Things usually stay the way they are no matter how much you fight it. Therefore, I learned if I'm not happy the way it's working now, then I had to choose to move on or continue to be unhappy.

I'm pretty big into minimalism and it has helped me to apply the 80/20 rule to various parts of my life. I've found that it's actually very liberating to let things go that are only working fairly well or not well at all.

It takes a lot of discipline to say no to some things, but I've found I'm a lot happier as a result.
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Aw, Ryan – I feel like we've all got 'em! Funny that you're experiencing all
of those right now…well not funny – but interesting. My dad and I were
talking about noticing the difference between something that is difficult
but ultimately working and core to your craft or business and something that
just ISN'T working (aka a jaguar). Would be curious to know how you tell the
difference…
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

JO!! Loved your comment – so glad you liked the post and that it helped you
in some way I swear – I've been having more and more vivid dreams, and
they really do all tell me things. I don't try to read them literally, but I
am super interested in the insights they can provide. They just get met
thinking about areas of my life in different terms (especially since I'm not
normally a visual thinker). Unfortunately last night I dreamed TWICE (two
separate dreams) about driving and getting in a car crash. Not sure what
that's all about, but I think I prefer trying to tame wild cats!

And glad you liked the Kenny Rogers video addition – that man is a legend! I
freakin' love that song. Can't wait to hear about spring training!
http://www.valeriemondesir.com/ Valerie M

Loved this, Jenny! We are always looking to domesticate jaguars, except the jaguars are actually dressed up like cute, little manageable kittens.

I've been trying to 'domesticate' my job which seemingly looks easy (and technically is), but is so mind-numbling boring that it drains all the extra energy I have to do anything else in life. Looks like the jaguar is emerging from its mask…
http://instigationology.com/ andi norris

Crazy that this seems to be hitting so many people so close to home. I've been doing a lot of thinking about the control I keep trying to have over elements of my life and people in my life that I can't control. The last few days I've made it a challenge to myself to just let go. Living is just acting and reacting and we can only really control half of any equation, and depending on our temperaments even that's debatable. But that's the fun part, you don't know what the result of anything will be until it unfolds and just letting it happen, contributing what you can while still enjoying it and then walking away when your piece is done often allows such amazing collaboration to take place.

Also, I just had a dream last night about a car crash, too. But it was a funny one in which the person who crashed realized that parking spot wasn't a legal parking spot and you could indeed see it from apartment #8. I don't know what that means, but it kind of makes me chuckle.
MarcTheEngineer

It's funny… I'd have interpreted that dream in an entirely different way. The problem is not in that domesticating a jaguar is an insurmountable task, but that running after a jaguar telling it to sit is hardly a very efficient way to get a jaguar to listen to you. (an approach with raw meat being more effective)

Maybe the dream is telling you that you are approaching something (a jaguar) in your life in the wrong way and wasting your time and energy because of it.

I like dreams… I'm sad that I haven't actually had an unconscious dream that I remembered when I woke up in years.
http://sidsavara.com Sid Savara

Hey Jenny,

LOL I like the analogy. I think Seth would be proud that you've taken it from purple cows to domesticating jaguars =P

I think there's definitely a fine line that entrepreneurs and dreamers need to walk – on the one hand, many people aren't going to believe in you, so you've often got to push forward without much support

On the other hand, you've got to be really honest with yourself so you can decide when it's time to quit – because you've already stopped listening to everybody else
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Greg – loved your comment! In fact, I sent it to a friend as an important
reminder of some of the things we talk about often when it comes to
relationships. I'm a big fan of that Oprah quote – it can really be hard to
do sometimes…believing people the first time they show you who they are,
especially because I tend to only want to see the good in people.

I also love what you said about learning that if you aren't happy with
someone or with a relationship now, sometimes the best thing you can do is
move on, not just wish the person was different or hope for big changes in
the future. Little changes, sure, but it causes both people so much stress
when things just aren't lining up in the present moment. Sometimes no amount
of conversation can fix that.
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Hey Andi! Great to hear from you I love the idea of letting go – my
friend and I call that “lifting the oars.” My other favorite phrase is
“don't push the river” – sometimes it really does help to remember how
little control we do have (not in a futile, victim-mode way, but in a
“everything happens as it should” way). Love the idea of letting things
unfold, contributing what you can (key) and enjoying it (perhaps most
important of all!). And so true that sometimes walking away turns out to be
the best way to create from a new place in your life.

Such a random dream! I love dreams. They are so wild/wierd/interesting
sometimes.

And congrats on the name change – love it! (and it's relation to the
ampersand
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Hey Valerie! Great to hear from you – I've been loving all of your blog
posts lately (even though I haven't had a chance to comment . I laughed
out loud when I read the part in your comment about jaguars being dressed up
like cute little manageable kittens – so true!! It reminds me of the phrase
“trying to herd a litter of kittens.” Just impossible! And even if it were,
it would take way too much effort.

Sorry to hear your job is so draining right now – sounds like a jaguar
indeed if you haven't been able to do anything to change the situation. More
fodder for blogging, perhaps? I have learned one thing: eventually we get so
tired of trying to “domesticate the jaguar” that we are prompted to make big
changes. And that's when we make room for greatness
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Marc – I got such a kick out of reading your comment! It was soooo
interesting to me to read your interpretation – made me realize how fun it
was to put this crazy dream out there for various interpretations. You are
right – it could very well symbolize approaching something the wrong way and
wasting time because of my approach. Now if only I knew what that
alternative “raw meat approach” would have been before I walked away.
Sometimes though, jaguar and handler just aren't a fit or they both want
totally different things, in which case even a giant animal carcass won't be
enough. This is really getting gross now, huh?! You started it

I like dreams too – unfortunate that you aren't remembering many of yours. I
wonder if there is a correlation between stress and remembering dreams. I
have no clue, but I tend to remember dreams more when I am particularly
stressed (or actually super happy). Basically when my emotional states are
more volatile – I think it's because my subconscious has more to say. I've
never been that into dream interpretation until they started giving me such
spot-on clues about my life. Interesting stuff indeed!
http://www.bflofutsal.com/ryanknapp/ Ryan Knapp

I've had to return to pretty instant results. I'm not in a state of mind where I can sit back and wait for something to magically start working. If I see it working and it can make me $$, it's on my list.

If it doesn't make me $$ or have the opportunity to do so, it has to be extremely helpful or worth it or it gets knocked off for now. It's the way it has to be.
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Sid – I love it! I hope I'm making Seth Godin proud with my “domesticating
jaguars” phrase – I've already shared it with a few friends as a useful
short-cut for identifying things that aren't working. You are so right that
it's a fine line to walk – that if we quit at the first signs of failure or
difficulty we would never get anywhere. I try to listen to my gut – when
I've done everything I possibly can and still feel that struggle, then I
know it's time to let go a little bit and let the universe take over.

And good point about having to be really honest with yourself because you've
already stopped listening to everyone else – I hadn't even thought about
that, but it's so true! Let's schedule a call for week after next – would
love to chat more about jaguars, cows and anything else that comes up
http://sidsavara.com Sid Savara

Hey Jenny!

Sure! I'm sidsavara on Skype! I have a day job but I'm always up for
connecting after work (or on my lunch break!). Dude we should get some
other people together and schedule like weekly chats. I love bouncing ideas
off people

I do have a weakness though, I often like bouncing ideas off people more
than I like the dirty work of actually making the ideas happen
http://twitter.com/stanigator Stanley Lee

That's a pretty funny analogy. I think I'm in a similar category in terms of overcommitment and doing things for the benefit for the team even when I felt forced and the act was causing me more harm than good. I have published a blog post about it just now, with entries about team vs. personal good (or harm) later. It's also a response to a quote that you put up on your BC profile. Link is http://blog.sysil.com/?p=372
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Awesome! I'll email you soon to set something up Have a great weekend,
Sid!
http://www.kunbrelifecoaching.com/blog Brett Kunsch

Visualizing jaguar domestication…

When you put it like that, it's pretty obvious what we all need to do. I absolutely love metaphors and yours is something I'll have to add to my toolbox (good coaches borrow, great coaches steal!).

I once had a jaguar that was impossible to domesticate – my government job. But my mind told me that in due time things would get better and that feisty animals can be subdued with (forced) love. Nope. I'm so glad to be out of that cage and back in my more natural habitat.

I think what really gets in the way is our mind – it tricks us into thinking we're in control of a wild beast because our mind tells us it's NOT a wild beast. If we could, just for a moment, get out of the deceptive mind, we'd quickly see what we're up against and walk away. When you had that dream, I'm sure your body was reacting to that situation more so than your mind, and the physical discomfort of trying to do something so unnatural made it crystal clear you were in a losing battle.

I love how dreams can really put us into that out-of-mind experience. Thanks so much for the share!
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Stanley – sorry for the delay in replying. Loved your blog post! And what you said in your comment about being overcommitted is really important – seems like starting by eliminating the “jaguars” will not only free up your time, but clear your head too. Never good to be doing things that are causing more harm than good, but sometimes it takes some creative thinking/problem-solving to get out of them.

Have a great week!
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Brett – thanks so much for stopping by! I laughed when I read your line about “good coaches borrow, great coaches steal” – GREAT point! I used to think (as a coach) that I was bad at metaphors…but I've really seen how helpful they can be for clients. And I realized that metaphors are everywhere (including crazy dreams) if we just open our eyes up to them. Have you heard of Christine Hassler? She does a fantastic job at this – her weekly UPdates always have great metaphors and analogies taken from her own daily experiences in life.

Interesting about what your mind was telling you about the government job – that feisty animals can be subdued with (forced) love (LOL!) – sometimes our mind thinks it knows what's best, but it's really our gut that knows the truth. Glad you got out of that cage and found a more cooperative habitat

Would love to chat more about coaching some time! Have a great week
tapmyheels

JennyB you simply rock! I am so lucky to know you, love you and work with you! I love the chasing Jaguars dream! I bet you can guess what my Jaguar is! (hint: it has to do with a number) It seems so beyond silly when I think of it that way! See you tomorrow!
tapmyheels

OMG! My Jaguar is a number!! Can you believe that? It sounds so ridiculous when I type it and think of it that way! I am chasing a number! Silly, silly me!
Ha! Love you JennyB! See you tomorrow my friend!
http://www.kunbrelifecoaching.com/blog Brett Kunsch

I checked out Christine Hassler – thanks for the resource!

Definitely up for a chat sometime and enjoy the week, too.
nathanfp

Great article. I have found one of the best ways I can get away from trying to tame a jaguar is to articulate my thoughts out loud to someone else. Usually it is not the ideas or relationships which totally fail that end up being my biggest challenges (I can learn quickly and move on from these) but situations where a lot of time has been invested and it is still kind of succeeding. This makes it easy to convince myself to keep pushing on, however, having an honest conversation with a 3rd party and forcing myself to defend the merits of staying the course has a tendency to reveal what I actually believe is right. Then, having someone else know these conclusions also makes me accountable to make real changes.

Recently at work we decided to make a major shift in one of our outreach campaigns and while we all knew the old model was not growing quickly enough, it was still bringing value and hard to cut off. However, when talking openly about a proposed change it turned out everyone was on the same page and knew it was time to shift gears — I fear this means we waited even too long to put this conversation on the agenda.
http://www.lionslinger.com Walter

Domesticating a jaguar reminds me of Einsteins quote: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I have had many experience domesticating a jaguar and I've learned my lesson hard.
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Awww, thank you! YOU rock and I am lucky to know and work with YOU! I'm the lucky one I think that's the great part about this dream…it seems so silly in hindsight…once we can stop the struggle. Nothing silly about your own jaguars – we all have them and deal with them in our own time Big hugs, XOXO!
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Walter – so true! And isn't it the case that our jaguars keep showing up in a similar format until we finally learn our lesson? Thanks so much for stopping by – have a great week!
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Nathan – thanks so much for the thoughtful comment. Very interesting point you make – that the situations where you've invested a lot of time and are *somewhat* working being the hardest to walk away from. That's so true – it almost wouldn't be a jaguar in this context if we could see it right away. The part that makes it tricky is that it appears to be tamable at first, and after we put in a certain amount of effort, there's a certain desire to see it through. It's interesting to hear how that played out in your work situation too. Thanks again for stopping by!
http://diamondkt.blogspot.com David

I remember seeing your Tweet about this awhile back and thinking to myself…”Domesticating Jaguars? But you can already buy that car in the US. And what does OTP mean? Is that some type of foreign money exchange system? That girl has waaay too many abbreviations!”

Then I realized you were talking about a cat, not a car. Ahhh.

Anyway, I think you have your dream interpretation all wrong. Or at least according to my favorite dream decoding website http://www.dreammoods.com you do. They say to see a jaguar in your dream, represents speed, agility, and power. And to dream you are attempting to domesticate an animal represents qualities and attributes WITHIN YOURSELF that you trying to control. So maybe your dream is saying that you need to control certain aspects of yourself to get the desired response from your tiger, which is for him to obey.

The other night I dreamt I was digging a stream in the ground that kept filling up with dark blue water, so blue that it was dying my hands blue as I worked and waded through. On that website, I looked up the words – digging, blue, water. Then it all made perfect sense to me. But I digress.

I know, I know. David = no talky. But I just didn’t want you to misinterpret your dreams, so I had to say something. Anyway, you know our saying “no need to reply.”
http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Hah – well, it took too many characters to write “on the phone”, so I had to resort to a classic SP abbreve. What I didn't say in the tweet (or this post) was that I was counseling that person on his new dating life (while on the phone, WHILE trying to corral a jaguar). Weird, right? But I'm sure that's TMI, and we could interpret THAT for days…

VERY interesting what you said about maybe the jaguar represents aspects of *myself* that I am trying to control. I like the “internal locus of control”-ness of it! Or maybe even that I'm in over my head (given the power and strength of a jaguar). Gonna really think about that new interpretation…

See, this dream stuff FASCINATES me! I just find it so interesting. And even if the dreams are not the ultimate truth of our situation, they do often lead to insights or potential suggestions at what might be going on in our lives. Like your digging+blue+water thing – so interesting! Even if there are multiple ways to interpret that, it must've really made you stop and think.