My Sandboxed Life

wow sorry it came down to you almost fainting and on the floor of your office! but thank god you're ready to stop ignoring the universe and the restrictions of your sandbox! i truly hope you go to the beach i'm sure amazing experiences, possibilities, and freedoms are just waiting for you there!

Mmm, talk nerdy to me. A post on computer security mixed with life advice – love it! I think you were secretly trying to turn me on with all that geek speak.

You know I’m a giant advocate for taking time to stop and smell the roses. It’s something I often need to remind myself to do as well. In fact, the first year I started blogging (back in 2005), I wrote a post on the very subject. I won’t whore the link out here, but basically my niece who was 1 at the time taught me that lesson when she literally stopped running around to smell the roses in my backyard. Anyway, enough about me and more about you…

Honestly Jenny, your daily schedule even makes me exhausted! I really don’t know how you keep up. So I’m not surprised your body is declaring war on your “I can do it all” attitude and shutting down on a random Wednesday. Besides, when you try to do everything, you can’t put your all into anything. You’re constantly only giving 50%, if that. Always listen to what your body is trying to tell you. It’s more intune with your mind than even your right lobe! And if you don’t listen to your body and slow down some, Diesel and I will be forced to come lay on you. I’m 190lbs and he’s 45lbs. So I KNOW you don’t want that!

When you make room for yourself, you make room for other things/people in your life. Things/people that may actually help you relax more by doing less…which translates to less stress and more happiness. So remember to breathe. Remember to take a Jenny time-out. And remember that the world will not end if you don’t spend half your weekend tending to your e-mail inbox. Everyone will understand. And if they don’t, eff them.

KFYH

After working for 7 days a week for a few years, and 6 days for the last two, I have come to share your realization. It's so hard though! It's like you've worked so hard and done so well moving at a certain pace that you are afraid it's all going to fall apart if you don't keep it up. Baby steps, but I'm trying to carve out me. In fact, I scheduled in my favorite class at the gym, middays Monday and Friday as much as possible when making my summer work schedule. You can do it! I hope you write about the steps you take

Hey Marc! I actually really enjoy working out and being active, although I don't quite put it in the “totally spontaneous relaxed 'beach'” category that wide open spaces in my schedule would take up. Even though I love what I do for exercise, it is still very structured for me. It falls into certain times of day, with certain targets every week (that yes, I track in a spreadsheet).

And so true what you said about only killing one bird with one stone by sandboxing and compartmentalizing everything. Great point about finding new ways to combine various aspects…I think for me it might also mean cutting things out? Not sure yet, but I'll get there

P.S. Amazing that you are in the best shape of your life right now! Ultimate Frisbee sounds awesome

Hi Jacqueline! Interesting that you are living the opposite side of the spectrum…I would love to learn from you and how you keep your life beach-like! I think it goes to show that life really is a balancing act between structure and freedom, and each of us just continuously fine-tunes to figure out what we need. I love how you referred to it as the “sandbox-beach balance” – I'm totally going to do the same! Thanks again for stopping by

Oh my. near fainting = not good. But, I can relate in some ways. When I started grad school I had panic attacks regularly. It was just toooooo much. It can still be too much. I work and am in a PhD program and I catch myself holding my breath at times.

I live five minutes from the ocean. There is something unique, peaceful and rewarding living so close to the ocean. I can go at any time and squish my feet in the sand. When I look out over the horizon, I know for a fact that in that moment of stillness my life has so many possibilities. It is only when I slow down that I know my life is so amazing even if I have weeks when I sleep 3 hours a night. That “space” you talk about is so beautiful and worth more than gold.

I start the PhD program in September and am finishing my Master's now. I have had panic attacks since I was in high school. I found ways to deal with them for awhile after college (I worked for three years before going to grad school). Once I started grad school, they started again.
I handle stress/panic in a few ways. I have two people I call… they are like my lifelines. I also know to stop doing whatever is making me anxious, take a walk or just get up and move around, chug a bunch of water and take deep breaths. Yoga has helped a lot. I also allow myself to feel anxious or upset in the moment. I don't hold in my emotions. This has taken my entire life to learn, but if I need to cry, I cry. Something so simple makes a huge difference.
And David up there mentioned that making time for yourself will mean making time for others. He's right. I decided to start blogging after a hiatus and meeting new people has been very rewarding. When you know you're not alone, the panic is less overwhelming.

So, how weird is this? I've been a bad blog follower and haven't read your last probably 3 blog posts. I'm about to close the Mac and go to bed, and see your latest and I think, “I wonder what Jenny's up to”.
In addition, I was just thinking about you and that statement I gave to you. You know it came from a place of love, and it was my “oozing with CTI-ness” that gave me the balls to hand it to you. But just a few days ago I was thinking about it and feeling bad. Not sure why. Maybe you were channeling me somehow. At least I would like to think that you were.
I love you, Jenny. I really do. No bullshit. You're a do-er and you know it. I don't know how you're going to slow down either. I, myself, have dealt with the curse of “Go Big or Go Home” and am just now at 35 with a marriage and 2 kids started to dip my toes into living in the grey area. I told my coach today I need to start making lists to get organized. She said to make a list of what my bitchy saboteur wants. They will be different lists. Miss you.

xo,
Andrea

AHHHHMAZING. Thank you for all of the perspective and advice. You are right that I'm the first (and the only) one to berate myself when I fall even the slightest bit short. And your idea to look at my life from an outside perspective really helped too. Are you sure YOU don't moonlight as a life coach in your spare time?!

Your suggestions were really great – I especially loved the one about “surround yourself with people who energize you, but don't try to compete with their energy.” Brilliant. And laugh more, worry less – always a great reminder.

Finally, it's true that I only work 45 hours a week at Google, but I probably put in another 10-20 for personal stuff, which does add up. Time to take my life back indeed…now I just need to figure out how! Or start somewhere, with Thursday nights or something like you suggested

THANK YOU!

Stanley – love the reminder! Thank you. I'm a big fan of Parkinson's Rule but I have never actually applied it to my own life/activities – thanks so much for the great reminder!

And congrats that your productivity is at an all-time high – that's awesome! So great that you've been able to eliminate unnecessary fat, minimize distractions and focus on what's important. Hearing that is an inspiration to me, that's for sure!

As I read somewhere, realising what the problem is is already half the solution. Since you already are aware of your sandboxed life and want to change it, you will succeed.

What a timely post, Jenny! Just as I was walking to my car today, I was asking myself what I'd want more: structure or freedom. I want both, but also dislike both! I was disappointed that I couldn't come up with a resolution, but this is a good reminder that I need a little bit of both! Sometimes I like to sit outside to get some fresh air while watching people walk by – quite refreshing. Thanks for sharing this, and your comments are just as helpful as the post itself! Love it. I guess I'm learning that I can't have EVERYTHING, and sometimes I need to learn how to say 'no' to some, so that I can focus better on the most important things. Good luck girl, and keep us updated!

Hi Fei! I'm so sorry for the delay in replying to your comment. Interesting that you had just been contemplating whether you wanted more structure or freedom! It's true that they both have their plusses and minuses, and that ultimately it's just about finding the right mix for our individual needs on any given day, week or month.

I love what you said about learning to say no to some things so that you can focus on the more important stuff – so true! There's a quote I love that fits well: “Learn to say 'no' to the good so you can say 'yes' to the best.” -John C. Maxwell, best-selling author and speaker

Thanks again for stopping by – best of luck to you too!

I'm glad to hear that the eye-twitch is not as unique as I thought! Mine's been going strong for a couple months though. I'm glad you had success in trying to step outside of your sandbox, I wish I knew where to start with addressing mine. (Your job sounds like it's a million times more rewarding than mine, I get to tell people that their computer is dead, or else that they're using it wrong, all day, every day. Does not promote much positive sense of accomplishment within my life.)
I'll be reading more often, glad I found your blog. Best wishes!