Where in your life are you pounding on unlocked doors?

It’s as if you’re pounding on the massive doors of the kingdom of your wildest dreams. At first lightly, even respectfully, then, losing patience, louder and louder. You pray. You plead. You beg. You ask. You cry. You wail. And just on the other side of the door, your faithful, adoring subjects silently writhe, some quietly crying, all intensely feeling your frustration and loneliness.

Yet they remember all too well how, on the day you left, you made them swear not to ever open the door, so that you might discover for yourself…

…that it was left unlocked.

I hate when that happens,
The Universe
(Mike Dooley of
Tut.com)

I read this quote in Dooley’s book, Manifesting Change*, earlier this week and I haven’t been able to forget it. After sharing this note, Dooley asks, “What doors have you been pounding on?” Which got me thinking about some questions for all of us.

I urge you to take five minutes to close your eyes (well, after reading) and really think about the following:

  • Are you missing the obvious – the unlocked door – in any problems you are facing?
  • Where in your life are you trying to force changes that you might not be ready for?
  • Where are you straining with all your might without getting any results?
  • Where might it be time for a different, softer, more trust-based approach?
  • In what ways is the door – the world you so desire – already here, in front of you?

It might take you a few days (or weeks) to answer these questions…but start by becoming aware of the doors you might be (unnecessarily) pounding on and let me know what you find out.

A Personal Example:

I can definitely say that ever since I posted the Open Letter to Love, I’ve felt completely free and clear of relationship worries. I immediately felt the weight of the world lifted — I became so relaxed and happy, and I haven’t looked back since. It feels so good to openly declare to the world that I am going to stop straining for something that just isn’t meant to be right now.

In fact, I would be hard pressed to even commit to a relationship if one came around! After I posted the letter, one friend was concerned that I was just giving up, but my decision to walk away from trying to “law of attract” a relationship (bleh) has helped me embrace my own life and dreams more fully than I ever have.

The minute I stopped pounding down the door o’ looove I found true FREEDOM. I let out — as my yoga teacher says — “a loud sighing AHHHhhhhhhhhhh.” I get a big smile on my face just thinking about it. :)

Your turn for a public declaration – what unlocked doors will you stop pounding down?

***

*I don’t really recommend the book if you’re looking for “starter” self-help – it’s a little too out there in parts – but I love (and always get a great laugh out of) Dooley’s daily Notes from the Universe emails. For a list of my favorite development books, check out my fancy schmancy Amazon store or follow my reviews on GoodReads.

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Andrea Owen December 1, 2010 at 3:52 am

I’ve stopped pounding down the door to my business that I felt like I had to kick it down like I was some Bruce Lee Kung-fooey person. Crazy.
Love ya, Jenny!

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jennyblake December 1, 2010 at 3:56 am

YAY!! Love it. I’ve stopped pounding down the doors on the coaching stuff
too. I want to attract clients when it’s the right time for both of us…and
not strain so hard to force those relationships. I love the Bruce Lee
kung-foo analogy! And love you right back, sister! Thanks for the RT too 😀

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Martha G. Chavez December 1, 2010 at 5:23 am

Oh, Jenny. There you go making the wheels turn in my little brain 😉 I need to step back and stop pounding my job search door. In the earnest to kick it down I’ve think I’ve been counter-productive in my search, and I just end up frustrated and upset. It will come. Thanks Jenny! Your posts are always a little ray of sunshine!

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jennyblake December 1, 2010 at 6:34 pm

Hey Martha! That quote totally made the wheels in my little brain turn too…it’s a deep one! It’s so hard to draw the line between going after what we want, and pounding furiously on a door that is actually unlocked. The frustration and upset feelings are often a sign that there is another way — it doesn’t mean we have to give up — but it means having a little faith in the process, exactly as you said. I’m so glad this post could be a little ray of sunshine for you — have a fantastic week, and keep your chin up!

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ryanstephens December 1, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Even if doors are unlocked I still like kicking them in just to showcase my strength. THEN beams of light surround me as I step through the door and proudly announce, “Daddy’s home.” I’ve also tried to stop hitting on engaged women. Does that count?

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jennyblake December 1, 2010 at 6:35 pm

You would be kicking doors down, huh?! And of course beams of light surround you, angels get their wings, and triple rainbows appear 😉

But seriously, it is hard to know when to keep fighting and kicking and pounding on the door, and when to just try something else (like the handle).

As for hitting on engaged women, you know they love it. J/k, j/k. Sorta.

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Jamie December 1, 2010 at 4:15 pm

I feel like all I’ve been doing for months is banging on a door and yelling, “WHAT DO I WANT IN LIFE!?” It’s a daunting and vague scream, so I am thinking I need to just stop the knocking and let it go. It will come to me. And, when it does, it won’t be too late. I always worry that I’ll figure out what I want too late. But when it “too late”? Who knows!

Clearly, my knocking on all these doors demanding answers is totally pointless, except to remind me that I need to take a deep breath and let life tell me where to go. Faith instead of control? Psh! Laaaaame. 😉

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jennyblake December 1, 2010 at 6:38 pm

JAMIE LOVE! For starters, I smile every time I see your face in a comment or Twitter or Facebook. Can’t get enough of you — we have to hang out again soooon!

So interesting to know that about yourself — that you worry that you’ll figure out what you want too late. The funny thing is that I feel like you’ve figured it out so early! You took such great leaps right out of college – most people never do that in their entire lifetime. So you, my dear, have all the room in the world to kick your sexy boots up and just relax.

And I’m with you on deep breaths and faith…or just wine n’ chocolate :)

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Clare Bear December 1, 2010 at 4:48 pm

I love the Notes from the Universe e-mails and have been getting them for over a year now. I roll over in the morning and read them on my phone before I even stand up!

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jennyblake December 1, 2010 at 6:39 pm

Clare – I read them first thing too! They are the best way to wake up 😀 Sometimes my brother and I even send each other fake notes. It’s fun trying to make them up :) On that note…

Do you know how lucky your mirror is?

Bow chicka wow wow,
The Universe

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Clare Bear December 1, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Hilarious!

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Brett Kunsch December 1, 2010 at 5:00 pm

If ever there were words more wise…I’d be hard-pressed to find them this morning. I love your Zen-like approach and embrace of the Universe’s (Dooley’s) note. I stopped pounding down the door to finding the perfect job because I realized I wouldn’t even know what that looks like if it were behind unlocked door #1. Instead, the real pursuit I’m after is fulfillment and this has allowed me to be open to opportunities that I probably turned a blind eye to in my original door pounding. Instead of intellectualizing what will bring fulfillment, I’m letting myself sense it, feel it, and do it. Your personal story resonated, because freedom is exactly how I would describe the feeling of making the declaration to stop pounding on the perfect job door.

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jennyblake December 1, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Hey Brett! So glad you enjoyed the post — I can totally see how this might apply to a job search, and I’m so happy that you also found that freedom of letting go a little bit.

Dooley actually talks A LOT in his book about the *real pursuit* of things like happiness and fulfillment as you mentioned — then the details will fall into place in ways we might not have expected. So amazing that you are letting yourself sense, feel and do what makes you feel fulfilled (rather than just intellectualizing) – what an incredible gift to yourself.

Cheers!
Jenny

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Brett Kunsch December 1, 2010 at 6:57 pm

Perhaps I’ll have to read Dooley – sounds like my kind of writer! Thanks, as always, for the personal growth resources :) Seth Godin is my new hero.

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Betty Jean Bell December 1, 2010 at 9:27 pm

Oh man, Jenny. This one kicked me in the face!

I love that the first two comments, Andrea and Martha, are about business and job searching. Two major topics on many people’s minds lately, including mine.

I’ve really been pounding the door on Love Your Work Life. And yes, Andrea, kicking the s**t out of it, actually. Lately, I’ve been asking myself why I’m working so hard. I love Love Your Work Life. Freakin’ LOVE it! But I don’t know if working so hard on it is necessarily the answer lately.

Normally, I enjoy writing big long comments here, Jenny. But this one is a tough one for me. I’m torn about dividing my time between a job or getting the start up I love off the ground. No matter what, my life must be funded during this time. Making my mortgage payment is just as important as loving my life.

Then again… do I really have to chose between a job & a start up I love? What if the two could meet in the middle somehow?

There is no map. Your post today reminds me of that. You leave me without any profound solution or experience to share here. I just feel open (and curious) to possibility.

Heart you big time,
BJB

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jennyblake December 7, 2010 at 5:04 am

Hey Betty Jean Bell! (I like saying your full name – has a great ring to it :)

You’re so right that there is no map — and that quote at the top made me feel the exact same way. Sometimes it can be maddening looking for the “unlocked door” so we keep pounding because that’s the only way we know how. But one day, when the time is right, things will click and you will be able to see your next step forward.

I think so many of us are faced with the question of how to relax AND support ourselves — it can be really stressful. Keep on truckin’ girl – I see nothing but great things for you ahead 😀

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Doniree December 2, 2010 at 5:42 am

Oh girl, I love this and these words just speak to me right now, especially in the middle of such a goal-setting and reflecting period! It’s a great reminder to not force things open, but to trust in the perfection that already exists and just simply walk through the doors that are open. Thank you for this lovely post!

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jennyblake December 7, 2010 at 5:05 am

Hey Doni! So glad you liked the quote – I love the metaphor too of looking for the “unlocked doors” in our lives.

I hope yoga training round 2 is going well…I cannot wait to hear all about it!

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Katie December 2, 2010 at 5:54 am

I recognized this quote immediately. I’m in the middle of reading Manifesting Change, and I’m so overwhelmed, but in a good way. I literally have to take a few days off from reading it so that I can process it all. So many great concepts. I loved the unlocked door, probably the best part for me thus far.

Great minds read alike, I say 😉

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jennyblake December 7, 2010 at 5:05 am

Hi Katie! So cool that you’re also reading Dooley’s book — it has a ton of powerful stuff in it! I’m taking this one really slow too – and many of the pages I have to read two or three times to really GET what he’s saying…but that’s a good thing!

“Great minds read alike” — I love it!

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Raz December 2, 2010 at 10:53 am

I think my unlocked door is actually one behind which is my future career… not the career itself but the decision. I still need to let myself settle down, get on with university and stop worrying how stuff happens afterwards.

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jennyblake December 7, 2010 at 5:07 am

Hi Raz — thanks so much for stopping by the blog last week! I think it’s great that you are giving yourself permission to enjoy the rest of your time in University — that is amazing, and you won’t regret it. The next steps will present them to you when you’re ready…I have a feeling you’re so proactive that everything will work out just fine :)

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emmysuh December 3, 2010 at 1:02 am

New visitor to your site and looking forward to reading more!

This past year was my first year out of college and in a new job (that I dislike), a new relationship (that I adore but was kinda shaky at first) and just trying to figure out how to deal with it all – I wanted change RIGHT THEN, I wanted a new job, I wanted to figure out how to make relationship HAPPEN, and eventually I realized trying to force things like a move to be near him, to start a new job was making me MORE stressed out…now that I’ve relaxed and just let things happen comfortably, we are super happy and relaxed, and I realize the parks in my job for NOW and can accept something better is in my cards soon, but not just yet!

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jennyblake December 7, 2010 at 5:11 am

Hi Emmysuh! Welcome — so great to have you here :)

That’s awesome that you are letting yourself relax into decisions naturally, and awesome that you have taken a new perspective on your job. Even if it’s not perfect, it sounds like you’re at least learning what does and doesn’t work for you. And congrats on finding a great relationship that you’re so happy with! Have a great week :)

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vidyabhushan December 6, 2010 at 3:12 am

Its Human tendency to focus on that “Closed Door” and not on exploring unlocked doors. Hope more and more people focus on the opportunities in the unlocked doors than the lost opens in the form of closed doors. Good Article!

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jennyblake December 7, 2010 at 5:08 am

Thanks Vidya! You’re so right — it is human nature to focus on the closed door. Sometimes it takes breaking our existing patterns or habits to see that some of the doors in front of us are actually unlocked. Thanks again for stopping by — I hope you have a great week :)

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rochelle_sacdalan2000 December 7, 2010 at 4:43 am

hi I reposted your blos about the punding door. nice one. :))

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jennyblake December 7, 2010 at 5:07 am

Thanks Rochelle! So glad you liked it :)

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