What I’m Afraid of…and What I Know

by Jenny • January 20th, 2011

This post is a “rip the bandaid off” exposé on some recent vulnerabilities of mine.

If I don’t share them now, I might just sweep them under the rug, and then nobody learns. Normally this is the level of detail I only share with my Inside Scoop readers; but when I woke up this morning at 4 a.m. after a crazy dream and the urge to write, I knew they had to be shared.

I posted a link for people to sign-up for my book tour on Tuesday. Less than 20 people have filled it out.

Giant red alarm bells started going off in my brain. “YOU ARE A FRAUD! AN IMPOSTOR! YOU got a book deal?! YOU are trying to take a self-funded book tour?! No one even wants to see you!”

Obviously these are fears. You might have just missed the link. Or maybe you were saving it for later. A bunch of my friends had already filled out a different one…so there’s that. And the last thing I want to do is guilt you into coming!

But it reminded me – that with RIDICULOUSLY GIANT dreams come ridiculously giant fears. A sampling:

  • I’m afraid my excitement about the book will get annoying, tiresome, or boring for you.
  • I’m afraid that my book is coming out so soon and I won’t have executed even half of the ideas I want to.
  • I’m afraid of saying “no” – to people, tasks and meetings – right now even though I HAVE TO to preserve my sanity while trying to juggle my book launch with my last six weeks at Google before sabbatical.
  • I’m afraid I will go to a city or a bookstore for a stop on my book tour and no one will show up.
  • I’m afraid I will run out of money during my 3.5 month unpaid leave, and that I will fail at my experiment of trying to generate my own paychecks.
  • I’m afraid I will have endless good ideas, but that I won’t find the time to pursue them.
  • I’m afraid that if I do find ways to monetize my ideas, no one will buy them.
  • I’m afraid of gaining weight because “I want to look good for my book tour.” I’m afraid of trying so hard to look like my inner critic’s idealized version of “perfect” that I don’t embrace what I have.
  • I’m afraid I’ll work so hard – because I love what I’m doing – that I burn out. I’m afraid I won’t enjoy the moment or appreciate my gifts or give thanks often enough.
  • I am afraid someone I love will get hurt or something bad will happen and I will hate myself for worrying about all of the above.

I am afraid of a lot of things.

But here is what I know to be true:

  • I KNOW that being on the field is all that matters. Playing the game is what counts. If you just sit in the stands, you automatically lose.
  • I know that if I didn’t lift another finger, this book would still have legs (powerful ones!) and find its way into the world.
  • I know that I am THRILLED to travel and just BE in every city, even if no one shows up. I know that I have amazing bloggers, friends and readers across the country that WILL show up. Just being on the road is reward enough. Everything else is icing on the (cup)cake.
  • I know that this is what I have been building and working toward for my ENTIRE LIFE. Of course I’m nervous – but it’s all good. It’s all information, and it’s all helping me grow into the next wonderful version of myself.
  • I know that I’m resourceful and creative and I WILL figure things out.
  • I know that everything is going to be okay.
  • I know that I have low moments just like the best of them, and that is what makes me human.
  • I know that I get up and keep going anyway, and that is what makes me tenacious. That is success beyond success.
  • I know that I am doing the very best I can, and I am proud of myself.

I also know that I will be getting the hard copy (final version) of my book any day now. I know that when I see it and hold it, all of the fears above will wash away.

It will all be worth it. It already is.

Are you new to Life After College? Welcome, and thanks for visiting! Looking for a portable life coach? Be sure to check out my new book, Life After College: The Complete Guide to Getting What You Want for tips, quotes and inspirational coaching exercises. If you liked this post, consider subscribing to my blog via email. Want access to the Organized Like a Ninja Toolkit with 15+ kick-ass templates, and hundreds of tips and tools to get your life in order? Sign-up for the monthly “inside scoop” (email updates with personal stories, tips and resources). I look forward to keeping in touch!

63 comments

Categories: Coaching, Happiness, Life, Life After College - The Book!

  • http://houseofowls.com Cassie

    You keep it so real. Count on me showing up like the fangirl I am at your inevitable NYC meetup.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you so much Cassie!! Can’t wait to see you in NYC :D

  • http://twitter.com/MarcosSalazar Marcos Salazar

    Amazing post yet again Jenny! And it comes at a time when I had been feeling like this as well about a project of mine. It is inspiring to see you have the courage to face your fears and gives all of us that extra push to face ours. Thank you for being so open and honest!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you Marcos!! I really appreciate your note — and I’m glad you could see that the important message here is FACING your fears and pushing through them — we all do it! You’re working on such huge projects too — it’s only natural that doubts creep in from time to time. I’m just thankful to be on this crazy (and rewarding) journey with you!

  • http://www.kunbrelifecoaching.com/blog Brett Kunsch

    These are words so many of us need to hear. Seeing others, especially ones we see as successful, shed their ego and share their fears truly enlightens. I related to so many of these words you wrote this morning, and they reminded me that we all need each other in life. We need to know that we are not alone in our thinking, in our fears, and in our dreams.

    It will all be worth it, because what you do is important, and the relationships you create with your readership are stellar. There are a lot of us pulling for you out there. Keep reaching out :)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you Brett! I really appreciate the encouragement to open up — sometimes I worry that people think I’m mired in these feelings — which isn’t the case. They are more like passing fears that I want to put under the spotlight in the event that it helps others face and debunk theirs as well.

      Thank you for continuing to be such an amazing friend — it’s an honor to know you!

  • http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis

    I started to tear up a little because so many can relate to your fears. But you WILL charge through it. One of my big fears is people not showing up to something that is important to me – but I know people will show up for you. And if they don’t, they aren’t meant to be in your life. I will see you in one of the cities! Keep rocking it. Remember, you are FLYING high!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you Diana! I know they will show up too…it’s funny what stories our brains will make-up when we let them. Can’t wait to see you again in whatever city it may be!!

  • http://twitter.com/nicolegruen Nicole Gruen

    Jenny – once again it’s like you are writing this just for me. When you are up to big things, there are big emotions showing up. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. Can’t wait to see you at your book tour and to get a signed and dedicated copy.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Yes! Big goals equal big emotions — and I wouldn’t want it any other way either :) I’ll be sure to add you to the invite for the book launch party (save the date for April 2). Have a great weekend! Thanks for stopping by!

  • http://www.shopsavvycinderella.com Meghan

    This post was so helpful. It’s important to really look your fears in the face and then reframe everything by what you know to be true.

    By the way, I would totally come to your signing, you’re just not coming to my city (Chicago) :)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Meghan – I’m so happy to hear that this post was helpful for you! Yes – it is all about reframing with what we know to be more true…that’s why the second part of the post is so important (which I think some people might have missed). Once you list what you KNOW to be true, most of the fears just wash away!

      And if I end up in Chi-town I will DEFINITELY let you know!! Have a fabulous weekend :D

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    I love you. That is all. Pass me the kleenex. Christmas in your inbox.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      OMG. The Christmas in my inbox was like 10 Christmases, all in a row, all lasting 24 hours. YOU are amazing, and that note gave me the biggest hugest smile of all time.

      I <3 you, Sydney Owen. I'm so happy to be leaping for big dreams together — and working toward our eventual (inevitable) TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION.

      Love you!!!!!

  • Jamie Varon

    I’ve come around to the belief that if actualizing your big dream doesn’t make your heart palpitate every other second, then it’s really not your big dream.

    As for the book tour, people are resolutely anti-committal. And, reframing the number is better for you anyway. Twenty people took the time to make a commitment very far out in advance in order to secure time to see you. Maybe twenty people doesn’t sound like a lot, but it *is* a lot. It’s a start.

    This is just the beginning. You’re amazing. Thanks for sharing the struggles, but girl, you got this.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      “I’ve come around to the belief that if actualizing your big dream doesn’t make your heart palpitate every other second, then it’s really not your big dream.”

      YES, YES, and YES!!!!

      I heart you to pieces. I think the struggles are where most of the self-learning is…I kind of enjoy exposing them because it takes all the power away. And then the only thing that’s left is FREEDOM, baby!

      Hope you’re enjoying Paris — can’t wait for our next round of headlines :D

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Love your honesty, Jenny. All of these fears are totally understandable. You’re about to embark on a crazy, exciting voyage into the unknown…if you weren’t scared, I might be worried. So, let yourself be afraid, but also embrace the things you know to be true. Your passion will empower you.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you Sam! I loved your recent post about dreams too – I’ve been having CRAZY ones lately!

      Passion is the most empowering thing — honestly, when I know I’m doing my best, nothing else matters.

      Hope all is well with you — have a great weekend!

  • http://comfortablyuncomfortable.wordpress.com Wee C

    I constantly say that the fear of not being enough is the most paralyzing fear in the world. Your first list can be summed up in your fear of not being enough. But, here’s the thing. The only measure of “enough” that we have is our own. Enough is subjective, it’s not precise, it’s not universal and it can change at any given moment. So, the challenge we all face, I believe, is to not get hung up on assessing whether we will be enough in the future…there are too many variables that will impact that. At any given moment, we need to decide if we are enough, if we’re doing enough FOR OURSELVES. Because that’s the only measuring stick for life that we have. And because the here and now is the only moment that we can truly impact, determine and shape. Your second list, that’s the list that matters. Congrats on owning up to your fears and then kicking them straight to the curb. I’m about to go follow your lead…

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thanks Colette – just like you said, our fears can paralyze us if we let them, but that’s why I think it’s so important to be vocal and air them out so that we can debunk them and move on. Completely agree that the second list is what counts! And you go girl on kicking your fears straight to the curb too!!! I love it :D

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Without fear we are not human.

    We all have our own paradigm and belief of success, but I know that you are so steadfast, focused and passionate that there is no such thing as failing for you and this book project. Like you said, you have the book on the way to you. You have a large group of supporters and sometimes that “surprise” or uncertainty, can be all you need to help fuel your fire. You never know what might happen, but loving the ride is so great. xoxo

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Agree! Fear is what makes us human, and it can be a great teacher. Loving the ride is what it’s all about! I even love the fears — I love the chance to expose them and de-bunk them, and help other people do the same. It takes all the power away, and then together we really how much we are really capable of. xoxo!

  • Jana

    Dearest sunshine, see all those comments below/above? We love you. Fear not. (But some of us are simply too far away to see you on your book tour :-( ) Lots of love xx

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thanks Jana! The fear dissipated completely after I hit publish. These are usually only passing fears that I experience 1% of the time — but I think it’s still important to shed light on them for others who may be facing their own.

      Thank you so much for the continued support — have a wonderful weekend!

  • http://www.yourlifeyourway.net Tia Sparkles Singh

    If you came to Calgary sweetheart, I’d be there waving my “I love Jenny” flag and drag out the 4 people I know here (seeing as I just moved 2 days ago). Give me a month and I’ll have at least 25!! You GO GIRL!!!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Oooh! Adding Calgary to the one day soon list :) I would love to meet up with you!! Are you going to SXSW by any chance?!

      Thanks for stopping by — you are always such a ray of sunshine!

  • Meredyth

    This kind of honesty and openness is something I aspire to in my own blog. Good for you for pairing your list of fears with a list of certainties- that gives me a good tool to process my own fears and apprehensions. Thanks, Jenny!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Meredyth — thank you so much for your comment. Building up to this level of openness has definitely been an incremental process, and comments like yours help so much. Baby steps!

      Even though these are passing fears (often kicked out by those certainties), I think putting them out there is so important so that we can all learn from them and move past them. I think as you continue stretching to be vulnerable on your own blog, you’ll find that people often respond much more positively than you think they will (even though it feels a bit like streaking naked through NYC!).

  • http://shesafitchick.com Jennifer

    Jenny I love how you overcome fear like this! As always, another amazing and inspiring post! I know you had put me on your New York/Boston list when we spoke on the phone, but let me know if you still need me to fill out the form! :) I don’t want to miss the book tour!! xoxo

  • http://lindseney.wordpress.com/ Lindsay

    I’m dealing with a lot of fears right now too, so this resonates with me a lot! You have already done so many amazing things with this project, and already made a difference in people’s lives. The book tour is scary, but it will NOT be a flop. Congratulations on accomplishing something so fantastic – just wait until you hold that book in your hands! It’ll be worth every second and every fear.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Hey Lindsay – thank you so much for the great comment. I just held the book in my hands tonight…and it was incredible! Definitely worth every second and every fear.

      As for your fears — know that I am rooting for you!! I know you can move past them — the fact that they are here means you’re up to big things over there :) And definitely reach out if I can ever be helpful toward kicking them to the curb!

  • http://www.waterfallingupwards.com Sarah Kathleen Peck

    Jenny, Jenny, Jenny … here’s what I know:

    If people get tired of you (they won’t), they aren’t your true fans. The people that matter will be there. They already are there. We love you. You will be great.

    Say No. You deserve it. The people who matter won’t care. You can put yourself first, you’re allowed.

    If no one shows up at a stop, does it matter? Only 1 person showed up on one of the stops on Chris Guillebeau’s tour. Shake it off, do some yoga in a bookstore, and maybe enjoy the blessing in disguise that is a night off. :)

    If you run out of money, you’ll find new ways to be creative.

    You won’t pursue all of your ideas – not right now. You will soon, though.

    Jenny, if you broke a leg, shaved your head and gained 100 pounds we’d all still love you because we like your IDEAS. We love your THOUGHTS. In fact, if you ate 300 cupcakes and showed up, you’d still be a hit. :) You might even be a bigger hit.

    Jenny … The bigger you dream, the more risk their is to fail … there’s always a possibility. That’s why it’s scary to dream, and why so many people don’t do it. Your brutal honesty and fears are SO DANG INSPIRING. You are dreaming and you are living. You’re already doing it. :)

    Good luck. We’re all cheering for you.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Sarah — this felt like such a great motivational speech!! I’m going to print it out and re-read it to myself if/when those silly fears ever come back. You are a wise, wise woman my friend!

      This just absolutely had me ROTFL:
      “Jenny, if you broke a leg, shaved your head and gained 100 pounds we’d all still love you because we like your IDEAS. We love your THOUGHTS. In fact, if you ate 300 cupcakes and showed up, you’d still be a hit. :) You might even be a bigger hit. (bad um-dum-CHING, boo bad joke)”

      Too much!

      What I’m really trying to say in a round-about way is thank you for such a wonderful, insightful, encouraging comment! So happy to be reconnected through the blogosphere :)

  • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

    Jenny, I love you to pieces. Seriously want to squidge your cheeks across the internets. Which is why I won’t provide you the sweet kind comments that warm hearts and cheerlead. Because while I adore the vulnerability you put out there in sharing your fears and beliefs, I know that you are a strong and brilliant woman who will push through.

    So I’m not going to tell you that people adore you the moment they encounter you so don’t worry about being alone on your tour. Or that most people are (as Jamie notes) either non-committal or lazy so they just didn’t click on the link YET. Or trying to send well wishes and words of light and kindness to reassure you. Or that you just need to believe in yourself because you are amazing and inspire ridiculous amounts of people by living the life you lead.

    Because you didn’t end this post with what you fear. You started it with fears. Things that woke you up at 4 AM and scared you more than a bogeyman. You ended with what you know and how you worked through it. So I’m pretty sure by the time this hit it meant you had worked through a lot of it. And care enough about your readers to share and hope that they learn from the process you went through as well.

    Rarely do we write “I’ve been through the desert and now I see the light” posts because we are in a bad place that needs to be fixed. Instead we have gotten through and are ready for action. So let’s act up kid – we gots book launch amazingness to unleash on the world!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      YOU ARE A FUCKING GENIUS.

      Yes, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever dropped an F-Bomb on my blog. But the brilliance of your comment merited it 100%.

      You super plus nailed it with, “you care enough about your readers to share and hope that they learn from the process you went through as well.” YES! And the whole bit about the “through the desert” posts almost always meaning we are ready for action – SO TRUE!!!

      <3 you to pieces!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://gradtao.com Alex

    If you are in DC when I can go, I will go. Promise! :)
    You will rock this. Fear is something we all struggle with when we’re just about to open ourselves up to amazing things. It’s like that quote that goes, “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.” I think we all feel that overwhelming cocoon of darkness just as we’re having a breakthrough. You’re moving through those fears beautifully.
    I am SO excited that I’ll have a copy in my mailbox soon. And so excited for you and all you’re accomplishing.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Hey Alex! I definitely want to get out to DC while I’m on the East Coast! I would LOVE to meet up with you out there!

      Love the caterpillar analogy! Thank you so much for the wonderful comment and kind words — you are amazing :)

  • http://twitter.com/mgchavez369 Martha G. Chavez

    Dearest Jenny, you’ve done it again. You take your fears, write them down, and then tell them peace out. There is absolutely no way no one will show at your meetups. I’m going to try to make it in Austin! You have no idea how close to the heart this post is. Thanks so much for your continuous inspiration! It means more than you know.

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  • Laura

    :-( I think I go through a lot of the same up and downs as you do in regards to my own small business. You feel like you can take over the world one moment, then the next you think people are going to see you as a fraud. I had saved your previous blog to respond to and I just did! Come visit in Austin!

  • http://twitter.com/MarcTheEngineer Marc Seewald

    You forgot the big reason so few people have signed up – People procrastinate and a book tour happening several months from now is incredibly easy to procrastinate signing up for.

    That and all us fans who live in the middle of prairie nowhere Canada (Winnipeg really isn’t worth your time)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Marc — thank you! Yes, I realized how silly that sounded quickly after posting (given how much we all love to procrastinate)…but then again, posting helped me just air out the fears and get them outta my head!

      If I do stop by Canada, I will most definitely let you know :D And likewise if you ever find yourself in the states!

      Have a wonderful weekend – thanks so much for stopping by!

  • http://emmysuh.com emmysuh

    I love your point about you automatically lose if you don’t play the game. I’m getting ready to start sending out poems/writings to magazines and publishers…and I am likewise scared of it…but they will never get published if they never are sent out! Thanks for the reminder.

    I am going to fill out your form right now. :) Keep your chin up, I am sure the book tour will be an insanely positive experience.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you so much emmysuh! I think that is AMAZING that you are getting ready to send out your writing to publications — you go girl!! You’re absolutely right that they have 0% chance of getting published if you never send. And don’t forget that every rejection is a badge of honor!

      This might be a good post to revisit :)
      http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/2010/07/11/the-sweet-sting-of-rejection/

      GOOD LUCK and let me know WHEN you get published! It will happen, I’m sure of it :)

  • http://sunapeegirl.wordpress.com Caroline

    Hi Jenny! I just found your site and I love it! You have some amazing information here (especially for a soon-to-be-graduate like myself!) I’m really excited to read all your old posts, and I’d love come to your book tour! I’m from Boston : )

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Hi Caroline! Welcome!! So great to have you here :D Huge congrats on your approaching graduation — please feel free to reach out at any time if I can ever be helpful to you! I’m hoping to get to Boston for the tour, so will definitely get in touch if I do :)

      Have a great weekend!

  • http://yourkickasslife.com Andrea Owen

    Seriously, the moon is full and the gremlins are out PARTYING. Mine and yours have hit the town, doing tequila shots and getting ALL LOUD up in our heads. BITCHES!!

    What do you say we tell them to STFU and scram.
    xo,
    Andrea

    P.S. I was one of the 20 :)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      I know, right?! Posting “publish” above was like the last drops of tequila draining out of the bottle. Nothing left, you stupid beyotch gremlin!!! It felt sooooo good. In exposing our fears, we free ourself from them — and hopefully help others do the same :)

      P.S. And that is why I love you :D

  • http://kellylea.blogspot.com Kelly L

    This is the very first post I’ve read on this blog, and you know what? I think these are all legitimate fears, but I also think that you will be just fine. If I were in your shoes, I’d be (a) ecstatic that I had a book coming out, for starters and (b) terrified out of my mind. Kudos to you for being brave enough to take this thing on. You’re kind of a rock star. :)

  • http://twitter.com/patrissimo patrissimo

    Of all the things I do professionally, for some reason writing a book invokes the most fears. Yay for being where you are with it, and here’s hoping I can get there!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Patri – to hear that from you makes me feel so much better! Just goes to
      show that book-writing evokes its own special set of fears…which will make
      us all the more triumphant as we conquer them. You are one of the most
      brilliant, creative people I know — you will most DEFINITELY get there. Not
      a doubt in my mind :)

      • http://twitter.com/patrissimo patrissimo

        Thanks :) . This is the year!

  • Anonymous

    Jenny! Of course your book tour wil rock and tons of people will be there! And you looked totally great when I saw you what, less than two weeks ago? So unless you’ve been living on cupcakes since then you’re fine ;-)

    You don’t need to worry so much, but thanks for sharing that you’re not superhuman. It’s reassuring.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thanks for the kind words and reminder to just RELAX — I’m working on it, I
      promise ;-)

      But that whole living on cupcakes idea….I think you’re onto something!

  • http://www.habitformingsuccess.blogspot.com Angela C.

    I love your honesty. It’s also neat to see how you recognize your good qualities amidst the fears. This is a great site!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you so much Angela! Welcome – great to virtually meet you :D

  • Diana

    Your positive energy towards your hard work is inspiring. The fact that you have not given up even at a low point makes me want to work harder to accomplish the goals in my life. Thank you for this inspirational post!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you Diana! That really means a lot to me — best of luck with your
      big, scary goals!! Have a wonderful weekend :D

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