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Are you a hypocrite?

by Jenny • April 12th, 2011

Someone asked me this in an interview the other day. It’s a perfectly fair question.

I didn’t know what to reply other than,”Yeah…I guess so.”

Don’t think I haven’t already asked myself this exact question a hundred times while writing, editing and promoting my book. Facing this question on a regular basis is the price of being a personal development writer (slash junkie).

I know I need to take care of myself to be the best author/speaker/coach/friend/etc I can be. And yet, I’m still finding it challenging. I have never launched a book before. Every day is part of the learning process.

I hate that despite having a “Health Manifesto” on page 223, I haven’t been able to get on a consistent workout routine in weeks (if not months), that I’ve stopped my daily yoga routine (gut-wrenching when I admit it), and that newspaper reviewers say that I look “well fed.”

When I worked at the start-up company, I remember referring to my cubicle and post-grad work life as “ass expanding.” Try rolling out of your bed straight to your laptop and working for 14 hours day-after-day because you’re so committed to launching your big project. That is ass-expanding too.

Which brings me to two very important points about life (and my book):

The book is meant to be aspirational — even for me. Satisfaction and balance in our lives goes in waves. Of all areas — health, work, money, dating, fun, friends, family, relaxation — some will be up while others go down. It would be unreasonable to expect your life to be a perfect 10 in every area at all times. All we can do is put our love and attention on areas that are anemic or unsatisfying and start making some changes. See Nicole’s amazing related post: 5 alcohol-free weeks, the garden metaphor, and the process of getting unstuck.
I — we — you — are doing the very best that we can. Almost every single tip in the book (of which there are hundreds) made in there because it was something *I* struggled with. I am not sitting on a throne trying to tell you how to be perfect. F*** perfect. I struggle, I learn, and I teach. Then I do it all over again. So yes — I am a hypocrite. But we are all probably hypocrites from time to time — because the very things we preach against are the reminders we want to give ourselves. And solving something once doesn’t mean you’ve solved it forever.

Give yourself room to struggle a little bit.

Struggle is where the learning is.

Are you new to Life After College? Welcome, and thanks for visiting! Looking for a portable life coach? Be sure to check out my new book, Life After College: The Complete Guide to Getting What You Want for tips, quotes and inspirational coaching exercises. If you liked this post, consider subscribing to my blog via email. Want access to the Organized Like a Ninja Toolkit with 15+ kick-ass templates, and hundreds of tips and tools to get your life in order? Sign-up for the monthly “inside scoop” (email updates with personal stories, tips and resources). I look forward to keeping in touch!

41 comments

Categories: Happiness, Life, Life After College - The Book!

http://www.neverniche.com Clare Bear

The SFBG commentary really turned me off because…what’s their point? Why must there be a running commentary on women and what we eat? Your book is a total beam of positivity in a cynical, dry world.

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thank you Clare!! At first I tried to laugh it off, but yeah – I’m with you.
It’s ridiculous to make comments about what I eat or how I look given that
it has NOTHING to do with my book. Thank you so much for the kind words and
the reminder to focus on being a “beam of positivity” — I love it

Have an amazing day

http://www.neverniche.com Clare Bear

I know that you’re gracious with the jerks so I’ll be mouthy and pissed for you. YOU have an amazing day too.

Sarah

I agree with Clare. What is the point of saying those things? How frustrating. Comments like that come from people dissatisfied with something in their own lives. What a bunch of wasteful negative energy. You’re beautiful and extremely talented and you’re an inspiration to many people. You’re focusing on positive things and are contributing to the world in a very important way and, I thank you for that.

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thanks Sarah! Mostly I just shake them off — but it did feel important to address the fact that none of us are perfect! Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement — you have no idea how much all of these comments lifted me up!

Leigh M.

Hypocrite? No, you’re human. You’re doing the best you can to put positive, constructive messages out into this world and live your life in line with them. No one’s perfect. How boring would that be? Maybe people ask you that question because they want to find fault with things so they don’t even have to try to improve their lives. There is no easy solution, no one-size-fits-all approach to improving your life. Your book provides a lot of great suggestions and advice. Regardless of how they question your credibility, keep putting yourself out there. We need positive, inspiring people like you in this world. Oh, and there’s nothing wrong with being well fed. You don’t have to starve for your cause to make it worthwhile.

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Leigh — thank you, I really appreciate it. And I’m with you! There’s even a line in my book where I say that I’m glad life isn’t perfect because how boring would that be. Great minds think alike! Thank you for the reminder to just keep on truckin’…and eating

And yes, well fed is important when rallying for a big cause!

Have a great week

http://www.free-honey.com Becca

Would you be happier if you were embodying every single value and tip in your book? I’d like to think that at some point you’d hit a wall of diminishing returns. You’d end up exhausted and probably not have a whole lot of time to enjoy your success and happiness. Sometimes you’re in work mode for a few months, and that’s ok. Everything will fall back into balance. It’s just how it is, and at least you aren’t trying to put up some facade of forced perfection. I like that you’re real, which means there are sometimes struggles!

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Becca — great point! And no – I would not be happier, you’re absolutely right that it would be a point of vastly diminishing returns. I can’t even imagine the exhaustion of trying to be a perfect 10 in all areas at all times. Thank you so much for the comment and kind words! To being real, and to making it through our struggles

Missy

My little Jenny.. You have and always will be an amazing inspiration! You are motivated, talented, funny, beautiful, successful.. and I could go on. It seems that until they have been where you are, and have done what you have done, they really dont have a leg to stand on. The one thing that has always pissed me on about people is that they feel this need to say unkind words, i think its more out of jealousy most of the time. I was always taught, if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all. I realize that what they say are their opinions, and they are entitled to that, however, it shouldn’t be a personal attack. Love to you, you deserve all things great! Keep up the amazing job..

XOXO
Cricket

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Cricket!! So great to hear from you — your comment gave me a huge smile Thank you so much for the amazingly kind words. Love and big hugs to you as well!!

Anonymous

Been there! Still am! When I was planning to come back to school, I was thinking that I’d have structure back in my life. What’s more structured than school? You have class, work, and everything you do should fit into a nice pocket on your calendar…then I realized that actually school has the illusion of structure because the studying, homework, group projects, volunteering, etc. take up so much time outside of your classes…it can keep going on and on. I don’t regret coming back at all, but all the little projects I was “finally going to have time for” are pretty much on hold until this summer…when I’m sure I’ll find new projects and be in the same boat. I think for many of us, we don’t mean to be hypocritical. However, in order to feel satisfied, I think we do need to move some things from our asprirational bucket into the reality bucket, but not worry that we can’t do it all at one time. Good post!

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Emily — thanks so much for your comment! Love your concept of having an “aspirational” bucket and a “reality” bucket — and not being afraid to move things back and forth as needed. So true that we can’t do it all at once…that would surely be futile to even attempt! Amazing that you are now back in school — that does take juggling to a whole new level.

Thanks again for stopping by — have a fabulous day/week!

http://lamiki.com/ Laura Kimball

My two favorite lines from this blog post:

“Satisfaction and balance in our lives goes in waves.”
“Give yourself room to struggle a little bit.”

Seriously, Jenny, could you be speaking directly to me? Thank you for your honesty here. It’s funny how when one “struggle” ends and you start to feel a little “settled,” another storm brews. Thanks for keeping it in perspective that the consistent struggle is OK.

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thank you Laura! Glad this post hit at just the right time for you…SOOO true that just as one struggle/challenge ends another begins! I think we humans secretly love challenge and would be bored without it. At least that’s probably true for you and me

Thanks again for stopping by — have an amazing day!

Anonymous

YES! Absolutely give yourself room to struggle a bit – this has been one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in 2011. Its okay not to be perfect – that’s what makes us interesting. Great post Jenny Blake!

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thanks girl!! A great lesson to learn and to continue reminding ourselves…and other people!! I think not everyone is as enlightened as we are yet

xoxo!

Anonymous

I will fight the urge to use profanity here. All the shit-talkers can go to hell. (Does that count as profanity?) There will always be naysayers, and no one really gives a damn about why they say the shitty things they say. The point is that you published a freakin’ book, and that, hypocrite or not, they’re interviewing YOU. You know your motivations. You didn’t write the book to be preachy; you wrote it to inspire others and yourself, hence the reason you asked others to contribute to it. And well-fed? It’s such a dumb comment as to be meaningless. Call it training for life in the fast lane. There will be plenty more of that in the future, but the point is that none of it can take away your success. Keep going, lady. You’re kicking ass.

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

EVE, my love!!! Always amazing to hear from you. I seriously think you are THE wisest person I have ever met. You are like a fabulous, witty, hilarious, living buddha with a twist. (Now there’s a personal tagline!).

Thank you so much for the kind words — I was laughing out loud at the “shit-talkers can go to hell” line. AMEN!

xoxo!

http://doniree.com/ doniree

Awesome timing on this one.

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thank you Doni!! xoxo

http://theofficeingenue.com Terri

Can i just ask… why was a reviewer commenting on whether you were well fed or not? I noticed he/she mentioned you looked clean also (bet you’re happy there was no mention of spinach in your teeth). I did find it interesting that the reviewer said being well-fed and clean was something “us post-collegiate types strive for.” Oh, poor undernourished, dirty college grads out there. There must be some community service available to help this lot…

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thank you Terri! And exactly! What on earth is the point of remarking about being “clean and well fed” — as if post grads have serious trouble with these things? Your comment totally cracked me up — thanks for the much needed laugh and perspective

http://shesafitchick.com Jennifer (She’s a Fit Chick)

First of all, you look PERFECT, not “well-fed” whatever that even means, and I am a fitness expert so I am completely qualified to tell you that!

And I agree 100%. I write about health/fitness every day yet I sit don’t eat perfect and due to a series of medical problems, I haven’t been able to keep a consistent workout schedule in almost 2 months. We are not perfect and I think that is the beauty of it. I don’t just write about health/fitness to help others but to help myself as well.

Awesome points as always girl! <3

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Jennifer — thank you!! I can only imagine the pressure to feel like you have to work out and eat well at all times if you’re a personal trainer and/or health blogger. You’re absolutely right that the beauty is in imperfection — and in being human! That’s what will help us relate to our clients on a deep level.

<3s right back 'atcha!!

Emily Smith

Awesome post, as always. I love the transparency and vulnerability, because after all ( as you eluded) we are all human and we all struggle a bit. Forgiving others is always easier than forgiving ourselves because we are our own worst critics.

This post reminds me of the book the “3 Marriages of Life” by David Whyte. We all have 3 marriages in life, which are: our marriage to ourselves, our careers, and our relationships/family. We are constantly “negociating” versus “balancing” the 3 marriages. As a soon to be almost young professional I constantly think about ‘balance’ and what value that holds in my life. I like the word negociating because like you said “satisfaction and balance go in waves”…..at times in our lives we need to give priority to things that have the utmost importance and unfortunately, other areas may temporarily fall apart. But at the end of the day, what is important, is that we remember to love ourselves and know that struggle is a part of life….nothing comes easy!

Keep up the AMAZINNNNGGG work! You know how we all have things that get us “in the zone” and for a moment, at times, make us feel connected to a bigger whole? Yep. That’s this blog for me! You are doing fabulous work.

Emily Smith

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Hey Emily!! Thank you so much for the kind words…and very true that we can be our own worst critics! The “Three Marriages of Life” book sounds fascinating!! I’ve just added it to my wishlist. I love the idea of negotiating between these three areas — such a helpful framework.

Thank you again for all of your support!!! You are AMAZING!!! So thrilled that my blog resonates with you and gives you that feeling of being connected to a bigger whole — what an incredible complement!

Have an amazing day, my dear — talk soon!!

Jenny Ferry

Human? Yup. I’m so GLAD I know the Jenny Blake who lives and breathes in the moment, reaches for the lesson and then ROCKS life by transmuting that lesson to be of service to others. You’re truly one in a billion, Jenny B.

And, of course, it’s moment’s like this, we want to remember the hallowed wisdom on Jeff J: “GOOD FOR YOUUUUUUU!!!!!” ;D

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thanks Jenny!!! You are one in a billion too

And GOOD FOR YOUUUUUUUUU TOOOOOO!!!! That still makes me laugh every time

http://profiles.google.com/chicagopinot Douglas Trapasso

Hypocrite? That’s a pretty strong accusation. Since you’re offering advice, I wouldn’t use that descriptor unless I -knew- you were living your life 180 degrees removed from that advice and the values you proclaim.

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thanks Douglas – I agree with you — a true hypocrite would be living life 180 degrees removed, which is definitely not the case for me. Thank you for that perspective — that’s a great way of putting it.

I appreciate the comment — have a wonderful day!

Dan Meyers

I have a good friend who is a well-known nutritionist. She eats incredibly healthy; six days a week. She acknowledges that she must have a ‘splurge’ day to say sane.

As long as we don’t let our ‘splurge days’ ruin us then it will definitely help us stay sane. By definition, a hypocrite is a person who indulges in hypocrisy. You aren’t indulging in hypocrisy because you aren’t living exactly to the recommendations that you give in your book. By admitting to yourself (even if it’s not true) that you’re a hypocrite, your sub-conscious will start to believe it and it will drag you down.

Don’t let someone else try to hold you to some impossible standard and then agree that you’re a hypocrite because you don’t perfectly live them! You’re not a hypocrite!

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thanks for the response, Dan! You’re absolutely right — even entertaining this idea for a minute sinks into our subconscious. Thanks to your reminder, I’ll never do it again! I really appreciate your perspective — thanks again for stopping by

P.S. Can’t wait to share the epic quotes w/my peeps when it’s ready!

Dan Meyers

I ran across a couple of quotes that are very relevant for this thread .

The worst guilt is to accept an undeserved guilt – Ayn Rand
A viler evil than to murder a man is to sell him suicide as an act of virtue – Ayn Rand

They’re from Atlas Shrugged… you’ll quickly learn that my perspective is learned (and usually traceable) from the books I’ve read

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Love them both! I have Atlas Shrugged on my bookshelf…looking forward to
reading it

Sudangautam

Hahaha…I think the great leaders are those who handle those questions that shatter them. Now it’s all up to you how you gonna handle..Sometimes i feel to some extend the number of hypocrite is increasing these days. So people like you can find a good market and can change people with your pure and tireless effort. Sometimes i think either you or Angle or merelisa will be the new generation’s powerful leader/blogger to guide the women as well as man’s world. FYI:I am still waiting to read your book…
http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis

I totally laughed out loud when I read the “well-fed and clean” blurb. Well, excuse you for working your ass off so you can actually eat and bathe. Ha!
And you aren’t a hypocrite. You’re an advice-giver. You know what works. Maybe others don’t know what works – therefore, you tell them. Simple.
Whoever said that (and the well-fed) is one thing: jealous.

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thank you Diana!!! I only just now realized I forgot to reply to your comment…hope all is well and can’t wait to see you soon for the launch party!!

http://slowlanelisa.com Lisa Stevens

Jenny,

It is all so true that what lessons I share/ teach are the ones that I still struggle with. And yes, sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. I really like your stance on this: you don’t hide behind your humaness and pretend in any way to be perfect. I like that stance because it allows room for breathing and play. Pardon me if I adopt (hijack?) your stance for a day or two and try it on.

It’s funny in a quirky kind of way that perfectionists have a way of becoming *perfectly* stuck!

Your new recovering perfectionist, straight-A student, blah, blah, blah, friend,
Lisa

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment Lisa — breathing and play are so
important! Please feel free to
adopt/hijack/steal/run-away-with/spread-the-love on this topic as much as
you want! I’d love to hear how your experiment goes Baby steps…for both
of us!

Thrilled to have met a new recovering perfectionist friend — looking
forward to keeping in touch! –Jenny