On Not White-Lying by Omission: 12 Mini Confessions

"Shh" - Image Courtesy of Raquel Camargo (Flickr)Bloggers, particularly of the personal development variety, really have to be careful about white-lying by omission.

If we don’t make an effort to share the ugly, dirty underbelly of our lives, you might assume that everything we touch is covered in glossy gold perfection, and that perhaps there is something wrong with you if you can’t achieve that same nirvana.

I speak for myself on this, but I don’t white-lie-by-omission to you on purpose. Sometimes I need the introverted time to process what is happening. And sometimes I don’t share on the blog because I’m not even ready to admit to myself what my little ugly truths are.

I’m not revealing anything earth-shattering today. But I am going to exercise my own version of confessional and search for 12 things that I have been otherwise resisting saying out loud. If you’re feeling brave, I’d love for you to join me (at least with one or two) in the comments. It will help me feel like I’m not standing all alone on my island of embarrassing quirks :)

12 Mini Confessions

  1. There are some days — more than I’d care to admit — where I cannot bring myself to work, no matter how large my to-do list grows. I spent last Friday watching all seven episodes of Revenge in bed. (For the record, that show is my new guilty-pleasure addiction.) Sometimes I wake up and I just feel flat out depressed for no good reason. I think it’s the change in weather and daylight — but I could just be making that up.
  2. Sometimes the more my email inbox grows, the more days I spend avoiding it. I’ve even signed on to teach a second round of the Inbox Freedom webinar series because I’m hoping it will motivate me to tackle my own overwhelm. Join me if you’re feeling overwhelmed too.
  3. As much as I try to be all “zen and sh*t” about my dating life, there are many moments where I can’t help but feel frustrated and sad. For years people have said things like, “When you finish the book…when you leave Google…when you move to New York…when you exhibit the qualities you’d want in a partner…” Check. Check. Check and check. No more outside advice…no more paradoxical cliches…once again I search for some peace of mind in my Open Letter to Love.
  4. My coping mechanism for dating frustration is creating snarky Someecards that are not really appropriate for the front page of my blog and sending them to my #SPIRLBFF Elisa Doucette. Here’s the latest creation.
  5. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind to limerence! How can such a logical woman spiral in circles about a guy she barely knows? I simultaneously love the fantasy and feel tortured by the thought that I’m making it all up. I know, I should just ask him out already. But I’m too chicken. Says the girl who quit Google.
  6. I should write about dating on my blog waaay more often than I do. But I’m worried that you’ll analyze me or try to give me advice or that I’ll feel stupid. I know, it’s ridiculous. To fix this, I might start a 20-minute “Dating in the Digital Age” podcast with the guy I met online who ended up filming my book trailer.
  7. Sometimes during yoga class I pretend I’m on stage performing. Gah! I’m a yoga teacher! I should know, more than anyone, that yoga is about turning inward; not comparing yourself to others or trying to impress (which holds true on and off the mat). But sometimes I imagine that I’m the world’s most graceful practitioner and the thought that I’m performing helps me extend through every limb. Is that so bad?
  8. I get a notification from every person who unsubscribes from my blog or newsletters. Each time it sends a little pang of hurt, but I don’t turn them off. I like to think it provides feedback…keeps me on my toes…but really it’s just masochistic. I think it’s an inner critic tactic — grasping for evidence that whatever I just sent was total crap.
  9. For the most part, I dislike Skype calls and won’t normally agree to them unless I do them all on the same day. Most days I’m working in my sweats with no makeup on, or still in sweaty clothes from going on a run. I only do something presentable with my hair if I’m leaving the house…for something other than errands. So when people say, “Let’s Skype!” I imagine the 45 minutes of effort I’d have to put in, and I ask if they’re okay chatting on the phone instead.
  10. Even though my Four-Step Budget template is one of my most popular downloads, I’m in desperate need of a spending overhaul! I still haven’t really changed my spending habits since leaving Google, and I know I could be saving more than I am. This is even MORE important now that my income is unpredictable from month-to-month — and yet, I can’t seem to resist indulging all my food, shoe and clothing whims in New York.
  11. My last Make Sh*t Happen (MSH) newsletter had a MAJOR typo in the subject line. It said “10 Tenants for Any Quest;” I used the word Tenants (renters) instead of Tenets (principles). It went out to over 600 people, but thankfully only a few noticed…or told me that they noticed. Hey — at least they were paying attention! I felt like a complete idiot. Unlike blog posts, you can’t update an email subject line after the fact.
  12. The MSH course wrapped up last week and I have been so blown away by the people in it and the fact that IT WORKED that I got overwhelmed and haven’t shared anything with you on the blog. Partly because the participants and I promised each other that what happens in the course would stay confidential, and partly because I don’t want to be the annoying salesy-braggy blogger type. At the same time, this is what puts food on the table now! So I will post some love for the MSH course soon…when I can motivate myself to stop watching shows on Hulu and start getting back to work. In the meantime, check out this Q&A with Alexis Grant for more about the course.

I’m now laughing out loud in the middle of Starbucks. Have I made myself sound totally batshit crazy yet?!

How about you? What are one or two “truths” that you’ve been itching to offload?
Share in the comments — it might just provide some much-needed relief. . .

And when all else fails, make an ecard.

***

P.S. I am absolutely in love with this video, and the song that goes with it (We Don’t Eat by James Vincent McMorrow). It makes me so grateful to be living in New York:

  • http://lamiki.com/ Laura Kimball

    OMG, Jenny, did you just confess to all of us that you’re…’real’?

    A few of these made me giggle because, like you, I absolutely tell white lies by omission. And to be honest, if I’m not blogging, talking, Tweeting, or posting on Facebook, it’s because I’m trying to work a lot of things out…it’s okay to turn internal for awhile, and it sure is fun when you let us in.

    Thanks for this, Jenny.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Haha  – yes! Sometimes (actually often times) we NEED to take a break from the over-sharing and just live our lives! I forget that sometimes… thank you so much for the comment and kind words :) 

  • http://www.byebyebitters.com Helena

    OK, Revenge is AMAZING. I watched the first 5 or so in a row because I joined late, but now it’s one of my favorite things to watch on Hulu at the end of the week.

    Something I learned this past week: When you subscribe to someone’s blog on Feedly, it doesn’t tell them. So, I’d gone through and “unsubscribed” to all my blogs (I was getting email updates because I’m laughably old-school) and then “resubscribing” via Feedly and it seems that no one knew I resubscribed. So… some of us may still be here!

    Thanks for sharing this fantastic post!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Helena – glad I’m not alone in my Revenge obsession!!! That show is awesome. I watched the whole first half in a row, and now I’m disappointed when I only get to watch one at a time, haha :) 

      Thanks for taking the time to comment — have a wonderful Sunday!

  • http://twitter.com/amberjadams Amber J. Adams

    Jenny,

    I feel ya! So in honoring of feeling this post, I will share two confessions:

    1. Sometimes I get really frustrated that I can’t make sh*t happen like over night! As in yesterday, maybe even yesteryear. I get so frustrated that I just stop working on things. Then I…

    2. Feel guilty about not doing enough. I feel as if by the end of the day, I should have a million things crossed off my ever-growing to-do list. I have to learn to celebrate the little things.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Amber — thank you so much for sharing your own confessions! It’s been amazing to feel like I’m not all alone on my island of crazy :) I can totally related to getting frustrated about not making things happen overnight then feeling guilty. Celebrating the little things is a great reminder — thank you! 

  • http://www.katieblogs.com Katie

    If I didn’t love you already, then this sealed the deal. I feel we have far more in common than I ever imagined. Only I had no idea you could make your own someecards. I’ve now found a new way to drown the saddness of single-hood. And here I thought I’d have to buckle and buy this: http://www.amazon.com/DeluxeComfort-com-P009-Boyfriend-Pillow/dp/B002RWJ9S8/ref=pd_sim_hpc_1

    Oh, Jenny Blake. I heart you.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Katie – you are so sweet, thank you!! Your comment gave me a huge smile :) And GIRL, YES!!! You *need* to know about making someecards — it’s the best cure for any/all emotional angst! LMAO about the boyfriend pillow — I totally still sleep with a teddy bear…serves a similar function :) 

      Heart you right back!!

  • http://twitter.com/FrenchyCaroline Caroline Mikolajczyk

    Love the post Jenny! It feels good to know that you guys are just like us…because i started to wonder. I recognized myself in a lots of your points:

    – I spend days working with my old Star Wars jumper, no make up either and my hair is hell messy!
    – About the dating part of my life, well it’s emptier than a 60 years old…i know, very sad indeed. The worst part is that i’m falling into some limerence too with a guy i don’t even know (met online). I try to keep my feet (and head) on the ground as i don’t want to fall in this relationship-might-happen-one-day-maybe. Hard tho!
    – I still feel sad sometimes because i feel lonely and that it might stay like that for the rest of my life.
    – I pretend i don’t care not having a partner, but deep down, i do care.
    – You should def write more about dating as you are one of the rare bloggers you do, and you do it very well. (loved your book btw!)

    You are not alone on this island :) 

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Caroline — thank you so much for your wonderful comment! I love your confessions too — it’s so nice to remember that none of us are alone in our ups and downs. I will spare you all of the dating cliches and just say that I feel your pain! And my friend and I are going to start that dating podcast — stay tuned :) 

      Big hugs!

      • http://twitter.com/FrenchyCaroline Caroline Mikolajczyk

        Big hugs to you Jenny! xx

  • http://shewritesandrights.blogspot.com Bethany Suckrow

    Oh gosh. I think so many of these thoughts on a daily basis that it’s like you’re reading my mind. Glad I’m not the only one. Reading this was like exhaling after holding my breath for too long. Thank you.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Bethany – glad I’m not alone!! I’m so glad this post provided some much needed relief for you — as my yoga teacher often instructs, “looooong sighing exhale.” :) Thanks so much for your comment!

  • Sean S Ogle

    “There are some days — more than I’d care to admit — where I cannot bring myself to work”
    Welcome to my hell haha.  There is rarely a day that goes by where I don’t do any work, but in between major projects I find myself in a pretty big lull where actually sitting down for 8 hours (or 2 hours) is very difficult.  

    So if you have any killer techniques for fixing THAT, please do let me know :)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Haha, Sean, you’ve been doing this for much longer than me — it’s on YOU to figure this one out and then tell ME all your secrets! On second thought, let’s just run off to Mexico and pretend to work on figuring it out. 

      Oh wait… 

      :)

  • http://twitter.com/anne_elizabeth Anne Lowrey

    This is one of my favorite posts you’ve ever written!  Thank you for having the courage to share some of these behind-the-scenes truths–many of which I know we all can relate to.  It’s so easy to keep our exterior face and online presence shiny and filtered.  More than any achievement or level of success, I admire a person who can “keep it real.”  We need more of that in this world.  (Confession: I’m working on it myself…it’s not as easy as it sounds!)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Anne — thank you so much for the kind words!! It’s been amazing reading all the comments and realizing how much we can all connect through what we see as our shortcomings, even though they are the exact qualities that make us human and lovable! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment — have a wonderful Sunday!

  • Veronica Holtz

    Excellent post! Thanks for the honesty and transparency. :) I’d be interested to hear more about dating and relationships. I pretty much always enjoy your posts and only wish there were more! 

    I’ll make a couple confessions myself…1) I don’t always have enough work to fill an 8 hour day. Since I work from home, I’ll sometimes watch shows on Netflix if things are slow. In a year, I’ve worked my way through two seasons of Dexter, three or four seasons of Weeds, the entirety of Arrested Developement and I’ve recently started season one of thirtysomething. If I have work to do, that comes first, but this provides a nice break.2) Sometimes I think that by quitting my job and moving when I got married I pretty much said “Screw my career, when do I start popping out babies?” But I don’t want babies now, and I got my job back long-distance, so I consider myself lucky. In the end it’s totally worth it, but some days are harder than others….

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you so much Veronica!! Good news — my friend and I are going to move forward with the dating podcast — stay tuned!! 
      Thanks for adding your own confessions — they really are a relief to read! I’m thinking maybe I should make this a monthly feature and we can all chime in :) I can totally understand not wanting babies now — I’m so impressed that you’ve navigated your job/location changes the way that you have! 

  • http://twitter.com/MelissaFCook Melissa Foster Cook

    Ahhh, I know exactly what you mean with White Lying by Omission! Thanks for keeping it real, girl:) 

    Here are a few for me:

    1) I only put on deodorant after I shower…and I should shower more often. Working from home and living in a new city where I don’t know many people somehow makes the whole “get ready” thing unappealing. Yeah, that’s gonna get me some new friends REAL quick! haha!

    2) I haven’t worked out in about a month. NOTHING.

    3) I am extremely impatient with the people I love most in my life. Like…unbearable. I’m so sick of myself in this area of life that I can feel a “surrender” thing coming on. 

    So grateful for you!

    Love,
    Melissa

    • http://www.beatrizalemar.com Beatriz Alemar

      Yes! Working from home has me in my PJs all the time. I mean it’s seriously hard to work up enough energy to spend an hour getting cute to just be in indoors at home all day! More sleep time or anything else time, am I right?

      • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

        Beatriz – I agree! I am just not one of those people that can motivate myself to get ready for an hour just to impress…MYSELF. Not gonna happen!! 

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      LOVE YOU!! Your confessions are AWESOME — thank you so much for sharing. Such a relief to know that we’ve all got our things! I mean, I know I’m a life coach and I *should* know that, but reading the reminders in this way through the comments has been so nice — I feel very connected to all of you :) And I hear you on the impatience thing! I get so mad at myself for how impatient I am with my family too :/

      By the way — I got to meet Martha Beck last week! Told her how obsessed I am with her books :) 

      xoxo!!

  • http://www.robertcalise.com/ Robert Calise

    “There are some days — more than I’d care to admit — where I cannot bring myself to work, no matter how large my to-do list grows.”

    Sean beat me to it, but I’ll echo him here: welcome to my Hell. I’d venture a guess that most entrepreneurs know what this feels like. I’ve honestly stopped fighting it. If I notice it’s becoming a trend, I try to interrupt the pattern. I listen to music, I go for a walk… hell, I’ve even gotten on a plane just to get away and recharge, and it doesn’t always work.

    Sometimes, things just get overwhelming. Thank you for being so open and honest and making me feel like it’s okay to just be human. :)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      CALISE!! Oh my goodness — so glad I am not alone in having (many of) those days where I just CANNOT. BRING. MYSELF. TO. WORK. I love your suggestions for breaking the pattern — that’s awesome. And thank you for being such a rockstar and for being so supportive — the Internet Hug Machine text gave me the biggest smile!

  • http://www.sayshelen.com Helen

    Hallelujah! This post couldn’t be more satisfying for me. I have always admired your writing, but I always imagined that we were fundamentally different (in my mind, your hair is always perfectly coiffed, while mine is basically in a bun whenever I’m around the house). For that reason, it was tough to apply some of the things you wrote to my little dis-organized, un-coiffed life. I’m glad to you know you are a Bun One too!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Helen – thank you so much!! And girl, my hair is almost NEVER perfectly coiffed, lol :) Bun or bust! That’s why these posts are so important to me too — to show/remind people that while I love thinking about organization and life optimization, by no means do I have it all figured out. Thanks for taking the time to comment — have a wonderful Sunday!

  • http://tigermuse.com Johan Woods

    Yep, you are batshit crazy, Jenny. Jenny Blake. Blake (what do you prefer again?).

    Kidding.

    Prime example: yesterday I did nothing. Like, really nothing. I watched a whole season of HIMYM and the only thing I really remember is Barney saying “walk of shame? Walk of GAME!!” Made me crack up for a while.

    I should’ve:
    – finished my ebook so I can launch my blog
    – redesign of one of my websites
    – new banner and footer for another one of my websites
    – worked on 3 other websites FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
    – finished reading a book and typing up all the hand-written notes (why do I do that to myself? I need to type straight in to my computer)
    – dealt with 4 items on Things that are 2 days overdue. 2 DAYS OVERDUE.

    Oh, on dating: yeah, no idea how to work that out given my lifestyle (location independent, split my time between Sweden and USA).

    So, uh, yeah turn off the notifications of unsubscribing activities. I’m toying with the idea of never even have subscribers in the first place.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Johan – I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has days where I do absolutely NOTHING, even with the mounting to do list! Thank you so much for sharing your own struggles with this and with dating — a great reminder that I’m not the only one who doesn’t have it all figured out! In fact, who really does…

      Thanks for taking the time to comment!

  • Udoka Something-or-Other

    Everyday since I was little, I told myself that I am amazing. That I am different and I can outshine my competition. With each failure, I just get back up and think “How can I show them I’m different and WORTH it in a way they understand?” But sometimes, I don’t buy it. Sometimes, I think maybe I just need to give up. Not everyone can live the life of their dream.

    I know that’s not true. I know anyone can. But its hard. Its tiring. 

    Sometimes I wonder if living in mediocrity is better than trying.

    (Connecting with Ryan really helped motivate me this week, though. Thank you so much for posting his blog.)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Udoka — I love the positive self-affirmations!! Amazing that you’ve been reminding yourself of those things since you were little, even if you don’t always believe them. And yes — trying and striving can get exhausting, especially if we don’t remember to love ourselves even before we reach whatever goal it is that we’re aiming at. 

      And I’m thrilled to hear that you’ve connected with Ryan! That’s fantastic :D

  • http://twitter.com/BryanWeller Bryan Weller

    It is hard to tell all, especially if you feel concern that some ramifications may exist for letting out all of the truth. I think when you do, though, it makes it far easier for others to relate to you personally. I think it gives you more credibility when people realize you struggle with the same things they do. They will be more willing to take a leap with you and follow.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Bryan – thank you so much for the comment! This kind of post is a reminder to me of how much we all have in common, and what a relief it is to let off some steam about whatever guilt I/we are carrying. I might just have to make it a regular recurring feature… 

  • Anna Culver

    Thank you, Jenny! Sometimes I feel like the exception to the rule that everyone is worthy of good things, that I don’t deserve happiness because I haven’t “earned” it through being perfect and overcoming difficulties. It’s reassuring to be reminded that all people have insecurities and all people have off-days. I’m not alone! What a relief!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thanks so much for your comment Anna! You are definitely not alone, and NONE of us are perfect. I totally know what you mean about the conditional happiness thing — it’s such a challenge to remember to love ourselves BECAUSE of our flaws and shortcomings, not just in spite of them.

  • Emily Smith

    Jenny,

    SO. IN. LOVE…..with your transparency! Thanks for having the courage and inspiring others to be human…it’s only natural we make mistakes!!!! My confessions:

    1.) I had a close friend who subscribes to your MSH newsfeed and said that you had spelt tenants wrong…I just opened that email. I should have opened that email a week ago and let you know. EEK! 

    2.) I haven’t worked out in a month. Ew. Just ew. And running around with kids on a playground is not considered exercise!!!!

    3.) Diddo on the online dating aspect. Just diddo. 

    4.) I push those closest to me to make sh*t happen on a daily basis that sometimes I forget it’s okay to relax and be alright with the ambiguity/uncertainty that life predicts/brings naturally. Those closest to me know that I’m a pushover and/or take it personally if they don’t make things happen in their life, whether it’s about a career or a boy. 

    Thanks for sharing all of this!!!!!!!!! 

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Emily – thank you SOOO much for your fantastic comment and your awesome confessions! You’re so cute about opening the MSH email a few weeks late…no worries! I am so glad that we got a chance to meet in person and have lunch — 2012 is going to be a GREAT year for us, I just know it!! 

  • Karen

    Nope, I don’t think you sound “bat-shit crazy” at all.  I think you sound real.  That’s infinitely preferable.  I always wonder what so-called “perfect” people” are trying to hide.

    My white-lie-by-omission?  My full-time job got cut to part-time (like, 40% of what it was– salary reflects that too) about six months ago… I am much happier.  I spend my mornings drinking coffee while hanging out at my kitchen table with my cat.  No, I am not looking for another job.  I guess that’s the white-lie-by-omission– I’d rather only work part time so I can spend more time listening to myself think.  Most people don’t get that.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Karen – thank you so much for your comment! LOVE that you are so much happier now that your job has been cut to part-time — and kudos to you for listening to your heart/gut and not looking for another job! I totally get it. Enjoy your newfound time :) And thanks for taking the time to leave a comment!

  • http://megancassidy.wordpress.com/ Megan Cassidy

    Love this. I find that I love so many of my friends for their little flaws, and laughing to help them accept or change their habits.

    1. I graduated from high school six years ago, but even now, I try so hard, sometimes desperately, to fit in. I can’t help but want to be liked by everyone. I’ve come a long way, but there will always be apart of me that wants to be “one of the cool kids” (which I never have been and probably never will be).

    2. I just ate a splotch of brownie batter off of my kitchen floor. And it was DELICIOUS.

    3. I am scared sh*tless of driving in snow, and will avoid it all costs. I am complete wimp when it comes to winter driving, says the girl who grew up in New England and went to college in Syracuse.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Megan — thank you so much for the great comment, love your confessions! I hear you on trying to fit in…it’s amazing how that never really leaves us (at least those of us who tend toward people-pleasing/auditioning. As for eating brownie batter off the floor…I LOVE IT! No brownie batter should ever go to waste :) 

  • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

    SPIRL…I don’t know where my life would be without our someecards. I imagine I would be the Unabomber Part Deux or something. I need the outlet.  ;)

    I love that you posted this, because even though I talk to you every day and know all the fantabulous wonderfulness about you AND the white-lies that are not omitted (cause honestly, when you talk to someone every day not much is omitted!) I still sometimes look at how amazing you are and say “Holy hell, my SPIRLBFF is so amazing, how can mere mortals be expected to keep up?!”

    Whatever our motivations for white-lying (pride, fear, worry, judgement, etc) I know I usually feel about 90 times better when I choke down whatever is stopping me from hitting publish and throw it out for the world to see. Because I learn that there are other people struggling with the exact same thing. And somehow I’m not so alone anymore.

    As for crazy, we’re all a little mad here. You must be, or you wouldn’t come here.  :)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      SPIRL! I know…we would be nothing without our ecards. So funny that you know all my omitted white lies since we talk every day…that’s kinda nice when you think about it! We really get to help each other through all the little lows, and SQUEEEEEAL together at all the highs :) 

      As for keeping up, I mean – I clearly need to figure out how to get my ass to BAAAAHHHHHLI – you are pioneering those waters, my friend! 

      Cheers to all being a little mad :)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      P.S. Your “dig deep” posts are the best part of Google Reader! Don’t ever let those go… :) 

  • http://yourkickasslife.com Andrea

    Well, I for one DO have a glossy gold perfect life. 

    Ahem. 

    Right. Okay, I made a typo in the first sentence when I launched my first product. I spelled “strait” instead of  “straight”. Like George Strait. Except I was saying, “Let me get strait to the point”. OMG. 

    Sometimes I copy and paste unsubscribes into Facebook search to make sure they aren’t one of my friends. And sometimes they ARE. 

    When I’m running and an awesome song comes on my ipod, I imagine I’m in the video. And not a back-up dancer. Oh no, I’m the star. 

    Love you, JB! 

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Ahhh, glad I’m not the only one with embarrassing launch/blog typos! Hilarious what you do with unsubscribes….the worst is when I recognize the name as one of my close friends!! 

      Girl, of course you are the star in the music videos in your head :) I regularly feel like I’m in a movie called “New York City, starring Jenny Blake” when I’m walking down the street with my iPod on. 

      Love you too, AO! 

  • Meredyth Pederson

    Jenny, I so appreciate your honesty, your transparency and your courage on this blog. It’s seriously inspiring! I think we all need to amp up the self-love and embrace fully who we are: imperfections and all. We all have them. Perfect is boring. We’ve all talked the talk, but posts like these help us all walk the walk by really believing that it’s okay not to be perfect.

    As for the dating life, my belief really is that it happens when you’re not looking for it. I hated hearing this line. It was like a broken record… until it happened to me this summer, so you never know!

    Thanks again for all your gutsy posts. It’s what we all love about you!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Meredyth – thank you so much for the incredibly kind words — it means the world to me! And yes – perfect is boring. I’m so glad that this post was helpful for you…writing it was for me too :) 

  • Brittany

    I just found this website and I am very excited! I plan on getting your book tomorrow. I graduated from college in August and I’m finding being out of college to be very discouraging. I got married in September and I am thankful everyday for my husband because he is the only thing in my life keeping me sane! I found a job working at a call center and I lasted about a week on the phones before I quit. I kept thinking “really? this is why I went to college? To get yelled at on phones all day?” I’m thankful my husband makes enough that we could afford for me to quit, but I really need to find something else. While I’ve been looking for jobs the only companies that seem to be hiring are places like Target and Best Buy. I’ve been applying, but it still makes me ask “why did I bother going to college? I don’t need a degree to work here.”  

    I’m glad you made all of these confessions. I can especially relate to #1. I’m glad I’m not the only one that sometimes has trouble getting out of bed in the morning and trouble completing all my tasks for the day. I’ve taken on the roll of house-wife while I’m out of work and takes all I have to just to do the cleaning, laundry, errands and making dinner. I’m thankful I’m not the only person that has those days. I’m encouraged by the fact that I’m not the only person that is finding adjusting to life after college to be a challenge.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Brittany – welcome!! I’m so glad you found LAC, and thank you so much for buying my book! If you reply to this comment with your mailing address I’d be happy to send you a bookmark :) 

      Life after college is definitely a rollercoaster — that’s amazing that you met your husband and got married — you WILL find work that matters to you, it might just take some trial and error. 

      Big hugs!

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  • http://wearelargepeople.blogspot.com Rebecca Brown

    Hi Jenny!  I can relate to several of those!  Here are a few of mine:

    1) I have yet to update my website (the content is a year old!  So embarrassing!  Though I do update my blog super often and am still proud of it.).  When it was just a side project I could justify not having time, but now it’s just laziness and a total lack of desire to learn how to do it myself!

    2) Some days I don’t work at all either.  Or get out of my pajamas.  Or eat anything resembling food.  I think I’m probably seasonally depressed too (ok, I know I am), and working from home/as a freelancer exacerbates the issue for me since I can go all day without seeing anyone other than my husband and my dog.

    3) Deep down, I’d rather fail than try hard.  Or at least that is how I feel almost all of the time.  I really am not, by nature, a hard worker.  I thought that would all change when I was doing my own gig, but it totally hasn’t.  So I’m trying to find ways to break up my goals into (very) small chunks and have a reward system in place.  Also, I’m making myself beholden to people to complete tasks so that I will feel bad if I don’t come through.  Because guilt over disappointing others can still get me.  Kind of pathetic?  Maybe.  But it is working I guess!  But I’d still rather sulk about not having many clients than actually brainstorm ideas and work towards building up my client base.  I sit and feel overwhelmed and inferior and like a lazy failure, then I watch more Buffy on netflix.  It’s a tough cycle to break.

    Thanks for being vulnerable and posting this.  I think, as a blogger as well as a consumer of many, many blogs, it’s easy to feel like everyone is leading these glamorous, minimalist, curated lives.  But blogging is just that – it’s a curated look into someone’s life.  I found this quote to be particularly apt, and it made me feel a little better: “One reason we struggle with insecurity: we’re comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel” (stephen furtick)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Rebecca – thank you so much for the amazing comment! I love reading your confessions (and the ones from the other commenters) – it’s such a great reminder that we all have so much more in common that we think. Kudos to you for updating your blog as often as you do, and rock those pajamas! We need to be comfortable to get work done…I fully approve :) 

      LOVE the quote you shared — that is such an important reminder…I can totally get caught in the comparison loop too, whether with authors, bloggers or even celebrities. Great quote to recite instead! 
      Have a wonderful Sunday — thank you so much for taking the time to comment :)

      • http://wearelargepeople.blogspot.com Rebecca Brown

        Thanks so much for replying Jenny!

        BTW, I shared a post of yours on G+ and one of my friends is now raving about your blog and how awesome it is :).

  • Davidlynnmusic

    This is really great!
    Sometimes I think the less you have to do is the hardest thing. When you’re busy, I often find myself in a zone, whereas when I don’t have that much to do, I always think ‘well, I’ve loads of time to do it, so no rush!’ 
    Being internal is really important still, you have got to withold some of yourself from those reading, otherwise you can lose yourself completely.
    David Lynn
    http://adegreeofsense.blogspot.com/

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      David — so true — being busy is sometimes the best cure for procrastination. But there are plenty of times that I should be CRAZY busy because of how much I have to do, and yet I don’t want to do any of it! 

  • Katherine C Hallett

    Crazy?  No way!  Just human!  It’s nice to hear it.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thanks Katherine :) Have a wonderful Sunday!

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Ahhhh. I love this post. Just being honest is being true and being human. It is SO real. Love you :)

    Let’s see, I should write my own post on this. You’ve inspired me. Like you’ve inspired so many other people.

    Here’s 1:

    1. I give unabashedly,take meetings, offer help, etc. for free (almost always). Yet, I start to resent people when they take, take, take and give nothing back to me or don’t help. Isn’t giving supposed to be without expecting anything in return? Yeah…it’s my ego :)

    xo

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Grace — thank you so much for the comment, and for writing your own follow-up post!! I loved reading it :) It makes me feel like this should be a regular feature! Would help us all release whatever we’re carrying each month. Love you! 

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  • http://17000-days.com Cara Stein

    Jenny, thanks for sharing this glimpse of reality. It’s amazing how obvious it seems to me that *I* put off doing my email, work in slob-wear, lack confidence and energy, et al, yet how surprising it seems to me that *you* do. Why do I think everyone except me is a minor deity (especially you charismatic life coach people!)?

    I feel really self-indulgent when I talk much about this kind of stuff, but my confession of the moment is that I don’t know how/when to listen to myself. Like, if I don’t want to do something, is it because I’m scared and I should just do it anyway, or is it because I really don’t want to do it, so I shouldn’t? If I’m tired, is it because I need more rest, so I should sleep, or is it because I haven’t moved enough, so what I should really do is go for a walk? I know what to do next for my business, but I can’t seem to get myself to do it–is it because I hate myself and don’t want myself to succeed, or I’m scared, or I’m tired, or I’m lazy, or what? What the hell is wrong with me? And why do I always think something is wrong with me?

    Confession 2: I’ve been crying so much since I quit my job! I wouldn’t trade my new life for anything, but I sure have been crying a lot, so maybe I’m lying to myself and I’m actually miserable? I don’t think so, but it worries me. I cry a lot and I sleep a lot.

    Back to your post, about the unsubscribe notices, I recommend turning them off. By getting them, you’re just making yourself feel bad about something that’s not about you at all. When you get those notices, you feel like you should do something better so people don’t unsubscribe any more, right? But that’s not how it works. Everyone has a certain percentage of their people unsubscribe, no matter how awesome they are. There’s no need to rub salt in your wounds by getting an email every time it happens.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Cara – thank you SO much for the wonderful comment! I totally hear you on not knowing when to listen to yourself sometimes…do we really need a break or are we just wussing out on something important? On that note, I absolutely LOVED your recent post — I bookmarked it to send to future coaching clients! 

  • http://twitter.com/doniree doniree

    1. It’s been over a month since I went to yoga.
    2. Sometimes, freelancing is a huge financial struggle (but somehow it’s still worth it to maintain the freedom to travel I have by doing it). 
    3. For someone who talks a lot about wellness and “in moderation,” I went out on Sunday night (SUNDAY NIGHT?!) and got hammered with one of my oldest friends and some of my newest friends. I paid for it alllll dayyyyy Monday, mostly with the guilt of having done it in the first place. But also with the headache.
    4. I do the same things you do about the email.
    5. I’m the worst person to try to get on the phone. It’s something I want to work on so I can keep up with my best friends more and more, but I… just… am so bad at it (which reminds me, I owe you a phone call :)).
    6. Sometimes, I completely doubt that I’m any good at all of the things I do.
    7. I’m afraid to market my next project because I’m afraid it’ll actually be a success.
    8. I’ve been working in my sweatpants all day. And I did the same thing all day yesterday.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Doni – this list is AMAZING, and I feel like giving you a huge hug! I can relate to all of it, and hearing you say yours out loud makes me feel so much better. AHHHHH. I’m terrible about the phone and keeping in touch too! Sometimes I wonder how I still have any friends, and it makes me so thankful to call bloggers friends because we don’t have to talk on the phone all the time. So no worries at all about owing me a phone call – we’ll talk whenever we feel like it! Even if it’s a month from now :) 

  • Anniecmacleod

    Jenny…I think we all struggle with airing out the most unflattering elements of our lives for the world to see. Remember, it’s the rough edges that allows others to get stuck and hang on. There is nothing beautiful in the veneer of perfection, no one can ever relate. In the spirit of your post here is my confession:

    – I move to Seattle and was so looking forward to not be working full time for the first time in years. I imagined I’d pursue hobbies, go to Zumba everyday, eat really well, become self-actualized and shit, walk everywhere, explore my new City etc. I fantasized about this in the months that led up to the move. When I got here I did do some of those things but I  also gained 5 pounds, watched a lot of TV (including re-watching the first 5 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy), went to Zumba intermittently at best and worst of all, feel guilty about it. So what was supposed to be this well-deserved mecca of peace of mind was almost as stressful as working all the time.  So I’m working on it…doing better some days than others but most of all am trying not to feel guilty when I don’t do better because guilt doesn’t do me any favors.

    Keep up the messy truth Jenny. It’s what real life is made of…and being messy is so worth it.
     

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      ANNIE! So great to hear from you — thank you for taking the time to leave a comment :) Love the way you put that “it’s the rough edges that allow others to get stuck and hang on.” That is beautiful!! 

      Thank you for sharing your confessions too — I totally relate to the “expectation hangover” from moving and not having things be like the blissful state of perfection we imagined in our minds. Funny how reality works! I think it’s awesome that you are working on it, taking one day at a time and releasing the guilt — me too. I actually had a coaching session with my coach and I realized the number one thing I need to do in those moments of expectation disappointment is just give myself acceptance — to say its OKAY to feel that way, and then move forward. 

      Thanks again for the amazing comment — have a wonderful Sunday, and I hope to see you in December if you come back into town for the reunion! 

  • http://blog.thinqaction.com Antonio Neves

    Thanks for revealing instead of concealing. An awesome release for you, me and all of your readers. Now back to work for me. Wait, who am I fooling. :)

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Thank you so much Antonio!! So glad that you enjoyed the post — it did feel like a great release, and it’s been especially rewarding reading/relating to everyone in the comments. 

      Back to work for me too…though very reluctantly, I might add!

  • http://profiles.google.com/alexandra.proaps Alex Proaps

    The dating stuff went right through me. Also, the days of not working. YEP. I didn’t do a damn thing related to school for two days this past week. I have stopped blogging about many things related to grad school and boys because I worry people will judge me negatively and I already feel judged enough in grad school. Sigh.
    We love you, Jenny. All of you. We are an imperfect, beautiful beings. 

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Alex – YES! That fear of judgment – from boys, peers, etc. – can be so powerful! Love you too — thank you so much for the amazing comment (as always!) and for being such a loyal longtime reader. It means the absolute world to me. xoxo

  • http://www.theunlost.com Therese Schwenkler

    Refreshing, Jenny… THIS is what the world needs a hell of a lot more of: just realness, that’s all. When you or I or any one of us has the courage to put our truths out on the line, I believe that it frees us all. 

    And… nope, you aren’t batshit crazy at all (well… either that, or we’re all freaking batshit crazy), but I do love it that you’re laughing in the middle of Starbucks ;-)

    Welp, if I’m gonna hit the “truths,” I might as well go straight for the sucker-punch:

    When at my worst, I’m insecure, needy, and desperate beyond measure. I don’t believe that anyone could ever love me in this state… so I do my best to never, ever go there.

    Even so… my deepest wish… is simply to be met in this place.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Therese – thank you so much!! I’ve been blown away by the comments — I feel such relief and a sense of solidarity with everyone — it’s an incredible feeling. 

      As for your truth — slow, standing clap, my friend. I can sooooo so so so relate – and it takes A LOT of courage to share that out loud. Especially the part about being met in that place, not having to fix ourselves out of it. Amen. 

      You are amazing, thank you so much for sharing that. xoxo

  • http://www.hope.gr/ Eleni Zoe

    I’m not gonna lie (totally unintended pun) but I’ve been reading you for the longest time and always felt so intimidated to leave a comment. But when I read your first confession, one which I do myself all the time, I was all: “THIS GIRL COULD BE ME.”

    So if anything, I think when we do reveal our dark, twisty parts we encourage others to reach out. I can’t come up with an original confession right now, most of the ones you listed are my confessions too. But I’ll let it simmer and then blog about it. :) 

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Eleni! LOVE your comment – totally made my day, and for the record — I got completely lost (in a good way) in your blog the other day!! Cannot believe I wasn’t already subscribed — it’s EXACTLY the kind of blog I’ve been looking for but haven’t found. Love your honesty and transparency too, and no more being intimidated to comment — I’m so glad that you did!!! Big hugs and thank you so much for reading  :)

  • http://CameronPlommer.com Cameron Plommer

    I share #1 with you for sure

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Yes…..it’s the most challenging thing, whether you work a traditional 9-to-5 or for yourself. Healthy eating and exercise help me…but they only go so far! Sometimes you just need those lazy days, I guess :) 

  • http://www.beatrizalemar.com Beatriz Alemar

    Oh, hun! I feel ya! There are days where I just sit and watch Hulu all day too (Revenge and Once Upon a Time are my guilty pleasures at the moment). I’ve just noticed that those days I need to rest. There’s not point in rushing things or pushing for things to come when they’re just not ready. 

    And, your confessions are why we all love you! It’s totally ok to be normal. Super perfect Jenny is just not someone I would be able to relate to. :) Thanks for reminding all of us that we’re normal. It’s ok to have bad days and not be perfect. 

    My mini confessions of the moment:

    1. I have not changed out of PJs all day. 
    2. I have a pile of laundry waiting to be folded that’s threatening to take over my room. 
    3. If I’m feeling down or tired, it’s not unusual for me to take a 1-3 hour nap in the afternoon. 

    Keep rocking on!

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Beatriz – thanks so much for your comment! Yes – I love Once Upon a Time too :) Such great distraction shows!! Love your mini-confessions too…hey – nothing wrong with naps and PJs! Sounds pretty fabulous to me :) 

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  • Lori

    I wouldn’t take the unsubscribe notifications as a personal thing. I get email ads from companies (Amazon, ulta to name a couple)  in my inbox all the time, but I have unsubscribed to many of them, not because I don’t shop still at these stores, it is because I get tired of the daily email  – I HATE junk mail. I just feel the pressure to look at it when it clicks in my inbox, don’t have time to read it and then I will delete it. But I go back….

    Jenny your followers love ya, they come back maybe just not on your “feed”.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Lori — thanks for the reminder — I do tell myself that people (myself included) normally unsubscribe from general overwhelm…but yes – I should just turn those notifications off! They aren’t really providing useful info if that’s the case…

      Thanks so much for the kind words and for taking the time to comment! Have a great Sunday :D

  • Just A Guy

    >> What are one or two “truths” that you’ve been itching to offload?I’m attracted to you.

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Hah, thanks!

  • http://www.myquarterlifespace.com Kenya A Jackson

    Thanks so much for this. I too, am a “self-help/quarterlife” blogger and I feel that sometimes when you know so many are looking to you for advice and inspiration it is VERY hard to be honest about how you are feeling on the inside. In the spirit of that, I will share 2 mini confessions:

    1. I sometimes use other people’s response (via comments, “likes,” etc) to validate the effectiveness of a post. So if I write something and people don’t comment or “like” if on Facebook, I feel like maybe it wasn’t that good.
    2. I am sometimes afraid that if I tell my “fireworks” (followers) how depressed and confused I am somedays, they won’t follow my blog anymore. I am afraid they will see that things aren’t perfect for me and will then stop “listening” to my advice… that scares me because sometimes their trust in me is what keeps me….sane.

    Whew!…that felt good. Thanks again for being transparent…it’s easier when you see someone else do it.

  • http://www.myquarterlifespace.com Kenya A Jackson

    Thanks so much for this. I too, am a “self-help/quarterlife” blogger and I feel that sometimes when you know so many are looking to you for advice and inspiration it is VERY hard to be honest about how you are feeling on the inside. In the spirit of that, I will share 2 mini confessions:

    1. I sometimes use other people’s response (via comments, “likes,” etc) to validate the effectiveness of a post. So if I write something and people don’t comment or “like” if on Facebook, I feel like maybe it wasn’t that good.
    2. I am sometimes afraid that if I tell my “fireworks” (followers) how depressed and confused I am somedays, they won’t follow my blog anymore. I am afraid they will see that things aren’t perfect for me and will then stop “listening” to my advice… that scares me because sometimes their trust in me is what keeps me….sane.

    Whew!…that felt good. Thanks again for being transparent…it’s easier when you see someone else do it.

  • http://www.livingtheexpatlife.com Kate

    Love your 12 confessions and I love your gorgeous face!!

    1.  I use men’s hair wax to style my hair every day (I’ve tried so many women’s hair wax products but it’s either too greasy or doesn’t hold right.  don’t judge me.)

    2.  I loathe when I e-mail someone and sign my email with my full first name and they reply back to me and misspell it.  It always happens and I always want to punch them in the face.

    3.  I have a tiny crush on my Kiwi (New Zealand) flatmate.  His accent makes me swoon.

  • Usman Uddin

    I got one to add…
    I get frustrated when working with someone who doesn’t deliver or meet up to expectations!

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  • http://www.islandmeetscity.com Lariana

    Awesome Jenny! :) It’s scary being honest at times, we’re constantly thinking what the other person is thinking, when truly the other person might not be even thinking of anything (well related to what we think we are thinking…) is that confusing? I may have to read that one back. Your post makes me think of what my little dirty secrets would be…Well like you, I dislike skype calls, but going a step further, I pretend to turn my mobile off during some times of the day…it is so disturbing, I’d rather email or write a message instead. It’s probably easier to reach me via fb, twitter or my email than it is to just pick up the phone and ring. Ok one more confession, while I write all about my autoimmune disease experience on my blog (I feel its therapeutic on my part) I get so many emails from people wanting answers, that most of the time I want those answers myself. I try to encourage others to be brave, because I need to be brave myself. Thanks again for a brilliant post Jenny, you’ve got me thinking…hehe :)
    http://www.islandmeetscity.com/2011/04/invisible-visitor/

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jamie-Christensen/100000505697772 Jamie Christensen

    Great post and I loved the gorgeous video! It made me cry. I moved to New York in September and I feel so grateful to be here and be a part of it. 

    • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

      Aw, thank you so much Jamie! Glad you enjoyed the post, and that video rocked my world too — I’ve been listening to the song on non-stop repeat!

  • http://www.infosoftware.biz/masstraffic/mass-traffic-matrix.php Mass Traffic Matrix

    Jeeny I am so glad for you that you have shared this post

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