View of one of Taninah's palapas (fab photo by Sean Ogle)

“We show up, burn brightly, live passionately, hold nothing back, and when the moment is over, when our work is done, we step back and let go.”

–Rolf Gates, Meditations from the Mat

Yoga at sunset on top of the water tower (By Sean Ogle)

I just got back from the most incredible week of my life…totally unplugged with 11 other entrepreneurs in a Mayan villa called Taninah, situated in the middle of a jungle near Playa del Carmen in Mexico. We slept in palapas at night under the stars, then woke up to the sound of birds chirping and ducks splashing in the pond. We ate three meals a day together cooked by an incredible staff, and laughed, played and had great conversations all day every day like we were kids again.

It’s funny that just before I left I wrote the post, What’s Your Happy Place? I found it. I found it in physical form (the resort had ziplines, a mini golf course, a game room, a treehouse, hammocks, and a waterslide in a cave) and in my spirit — I’ve never felt such a pure sense of joy, bliss and love for such a sustained amount of time.

This post won’t be a recap of my vacation – there are no words that would do the experience justice. I feel transformed beyond measure, and this is my attempt at maintaining it moving forward, and helping you find that same sense of aliveness in your own life.

My book is centered loosely upon the Wheel of Life (template here), an exercise where you can rate every area of your life on a scale of 1-10 (work, money, friends, family, home, organization, health, personal growth, relationships, fun & relaxation). While that exercise can help you design your life in every area, it doesn’t quite hit on the qualities that bring us alive within that life.

The areas (and accompanying Wheel of Aliveness template) below are based on my trip and are influenced heavily by Martha Beck’s latest book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World. I believe they can be applied to any person at any time, because they hit upon fundamental aspects of being fully human. If there are any areas that don’t resonate with you, feel free to replace them with ones that do.

12 Ways to Wake up, Come Alive and Find Your Bliss

As you read the list below, consider how each one is showing up in your own life (or not). On a scale of 1-10, how present and full is that element? How do you feel when you maximize each one? What would be possible in your life if you were to increase the areas that are lacking? Feel free to also use the shiny new template for this exercise.

• Movement/play – many of us sit at computers all day and continue staring at screens into the night. How can you incorporate more athletics and movement, even outside of the gym? Yoga in the rain, tossing a football and baseball around, and zip-lining (among many other activities) completely brought me back to my body this week. The owner, Marino, even set-up an obstacle course for us on the last day, and I almost peed my pants watching everyone else go through it! It feels great to sweat and release energy through play. See also: Sean Ogle’s The Importance of Play (about our trip)
• Dance & Music - you may not like dancing, but I believe that there is something incredibly powerful about connecting with music, feeling it in your bones, and letting yourself dance and be free. Sweating in a club, connecting with people around you, or just dancing by yourself when no one’s watching. See also: Where the Hell is Matt? (One of my all-time favorite YouTube videos — you can’t watch it and NOT smile)
• Nature – It was an incredible experience getting to immerse ourselves totally in a Mayan jungle, especially after coming from THE concrete jungle of New York City. A reminder about how powerful it is to be outside, play outside and rest outside. Go for walks, lay in the grass, sit on a bench and people watch. See also: Martha Beck’s Logging Off: The Power of Disconnection
• Water - I thought about combining this with nature, but it’s different. Water has a powerful effect on our bodies — whether it’s a pool, hot tub, bath tub, slip and slide, or even staring at a natural body of water like the ocean or a river. See also: Bon Iver’s incredible Holocene bonus video from his self-titled album, 20 Life Lessons I Learned on the Rogue River
• Community & Connection – there is something magical about sharing meals (3 a day), and finding people who inspire you to be the best, most authentic version of yourself. Consider the communities in your life: are they serving your most authentic self? Are they making your life better? During the trip we would come together for a few rounds of “Ohm” after every sporting event, even in the middle of a restaurant one day. Ohm is said to be the universal sound, and the beautiful harmony reminded all of us that we are connected and we are loved. See also: The Holstee Manifesto: This is Your Life.
• Laughter – laughter is one of the purest forms of joy. Find people who make you laugh, don’t take life too seriously, and let yourself be silly. See also: Top 10 Funniest YouTube Videos
• Learning & Creativity – this entails reading books, engaging in conversation, asking questions, giving yourself space to explore your creative side. Engage your mind, and just as you let your body play and be outdoors, allow your inner creativity to shine through freedom and flexibility. By creating such an incredible place, Marino taught us all to dream big, bigger and bigger still. Never give up on bringing your wildest dreams to fruition.  See also: Live for the Dip
• Challenge – get outside of your comfort zone, tackle big goals and big ideas, undertake projects that bring you alive. See also: Joseph Campbell on The Hero’s Journey
• Commitment – what matters to you? Commit to living authentically, commit to living in accordance with your core values, and commit to projects and people that carry significant meaning. See also: Big Difference by Willie Jackson, about the powerful conversation we had with Marino about the plight of the Mayans (much like Avatar) and his commitment to serving them.
• Gratitude & Positivity - it was amazing to be around a group of people who let all negativity roll right off their backs at any given moment. No sooner did someone state a fear or self-doubt than it was washed away by caring, positive encouragement. This is about maintaining a player mentality (as opposed to a victim role) in your own life, about reframing negative thoughts into positive incarnations, and about constantly reminding yourself of everything in life that you are grateful for, therefore giving it a chance to expand even further. See also: Be Thankful  and Zen and the Art of Happiness Book Notes
• Letting go – resting, relaxing, dropping any thoughts or worries that aren’t serving you, let small infractions in life roll of your back. My friend Mike from the trip uses the motto, “Zero F*cks” — as in, “I have zero f*cks to give” when something irritating happens, or even when going into a situation (like a night out with friends to focus on being carefree). He quickly got us to all adopt the phrase — making sure to clarify that Zero F*cks only applies to stuff that doesn’t matter, so that you can focus your attention on everything else that does. See also: Dancing with Demons and Finding the Light
• Light and love – sending love to yourself first and foremost, then to all others around you. One love. See also: Light, Love and Yoga Money and Expanding Happiness: on Bliss and Fear (with notes from my dad)

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments: What brings you alive?
What do you have room for more of in your life?

Modified pigeon pose at Taninah (HDR photo by Sean Ogle)

Last December, during the magical week in which my friend Julie and I realized we simply had to move to New York, I met a guy.

He will be hereto referred to as The Guy, so as to protect the innocent, though the only one about to be embarrassed by this post is me. Now I’m just crossing every finger and toe, hoping he doesn’t actually read my blog!

Wherein I make myself sound like Debbie Desperate:  

Exhibit A: Me and my NYC-Angel Ann, on the night I met The Guy.

It was a snowy Saturday night at The Standard Hotel in the Meatpacking district, and I was all dressed up because I had just attended my NYC Angel Ann’s 40th birthday party. See Exhibit A. 

I’m not sure how The Guy and I started talking, but we didn’t stop until 5am. And no, not “talking” as a euphemism; ACTUAL talking. With words and stuff.

We talked about life, big dreams, grand career ambitions, side hustling while working corporate jobs, taking risks, tough financial decisions, and creating a location independent lifestyle. After last call at the bar, we moved into the lounge — ordered water and a grilled cheese sandwich — and the conversation continued.

I was smitten.

He was handsome, tall, athletic, intelligent, successful and humble. The Guy and I hung out a few times that week, then it was time for me to head back to California. I expected all communication to end, given that we lived on opposite coasts, but I was secretly hoping it wouldn’t.

During the week that we hung out, he was mysterious. A little hard to follow. I was never sure how interested he was. On a scale of 1-10, it could have easily been a 2 or an 8. After I got home, we did end up texting a little bit. I found myself thinking about him all the time.

The other day I joked that I’m dating my blog.

I haven’t had a serious boyfriend since I started getting serious about my blog and book — so, if you do the math, it’s been a little over 3 years. Apparently I’m even pickier than I am busy! So when someone gets my attention — really grabs it with chemistry and conversation — I’m hard-pressed to let go. This is a flaw.

It’s a flaw because I’m big on being treated with respect; but in a pining state, I accept so much less than what makes me happy. I settle for scraps – a text message here, a three-day (or three-week) wait time on the next reply there – and somehow project that things could still work out.

I tried forgetting about The Guy. Hard.

Do you know how many times I’ve been back to NYC since I met him? 3 times, including a one month stint. I still wonder about him every single time I’m there. I think about him when I’m out at night; when the conversations disappoint me and I wonder when I’ll feel that excited about someone again. Which is crazy, since he didn’t seem all that excited about me.

We hung out once when I was back there in May, but every sign in the universe (and my non-ringing phone) said, “He’s just not that into you.”

Note: If you haven’t read my post Love & Limerence (with Break-up Template), that is a MUST. It explains the crazy “addicted to crack” feeling that love and it’s crush cousin create.

Back in December I made a list of questions in my journal that I felt would help me work through the pining:

• The shame of wanting something that so clearly would be nothing
• Feeling crazy about obsessing over someone without it being reciprocated
• Identifying the gap between fantasy and actual reality
• Disappointment at not being able to move on

For the last seven months the questions have only lived in my journal for two reasons: a) I was debating when to embarrass myself by sharing this story, and b) I wasn’t sure if it would actually be helpful. But alas, as with most things, I’d rather put it out there and let you all be the judge.

{Check out the Pining Prevention Plan template} 

This is more of a reflection exercise than a template — and to be honest, it won’t PREVENT pining (I’d surely become a millionaire!) it will hopefully just help alleviate it. I just couldn’t resist that great 3P alliteration…can you blame me?

The questions will help you work through your pining and hopefully see your situation in a new light that helps you move on. It will work even better if you have a friend who can help you talk through the answers to each of the questions.

It’s still a MAJOR work in progress, so from those who try it, I would love to know:

Is it helpful? What other questions should I ask?
What helps you move on from someone when it’s clear things won’t work out?

And finally,

How on Earth can one person who we can’t have (or forget) drive us so damn crazy?!

Okay fine, that last one is rhetorical.

***

P.S. Make sure you actually visit my blog next week….the new redesign launches, baby! It will be the first time in SIX years that the logo and tagline will be updated (from when I designed my website myself in 2005) — among making everything else prettier too. Thank you Nina Cross!

P.P.S. If you’re not already, sign-up for my Inside Scoop behind-the-scenes monthly newsletter and you’ll get access to my Organized Like a Ninja Tooklit and 15 (!!) kick-ass templates for every area of your life.

This is a guest post from my good friend Andrea Owen of Your Kick Ass Life, who I met in 2008 at one of our coach training workshops through CTI. Andrea and I have been cheering each other on ever since, and I’m thrilled to share her thoughts on Gremlin-taming (one of my favorite subjects!). If this content interests you, Andrea recently released a book (and workbook) called Kick Your Gremlin’s Ass that will help you send that sucker away once and for all.

Kick Your Gremlin’s Ass (by Andrea Owen)

Let’s say you have a friend you see on a regular every day basis. You’ve had this friend for what seems like forever.  And maybe a conversation with this person looks like this:

I was on the phone with my brother yesterday, and I gave him some career-related homework (the pro or the con of having a sister who’s a life coach, depending on how you see it). I asked him to write this question at the top of a piece of paper:

What am I uniquely suited to do, given my random talents, skills and interests,
that makes me feel ALIVE?

Dig back to your childhood. My brother manufactured and sold Creepy Crawlers and hustled so that he could own every new gadget — probably to a fault (remember MiniDisc players? Biiiig mistake). I practiced being a news anchor, took dance classes, started a family newspaper, hosted a neighborhood carnival, and opened a library operation out of my bedroom.

What lights your SOUL on fire?

It might be a set of skills so random you have NO clue how they relate. Write them down anyway. Those of you who have been around a while know that I love teaching, organizing, inspiring people and dancing (ideally on tables in Las Vegas if we’re getting really serious — ha).

Enter Seth Godin, The Domino Project and a peek into my crazy brain

Yesterday was a big GIANT day for me. Seth Godin linked to my 15-tab book marketing spreadsheet from The Domino Project blog, and it set my inbox ablaze. Within an hour we had 100 retweets. I watched with glee as dozens of people seemed to exhale a collective sigh of relief upon seeing the spreadsheet — something that at one time I was afraid to share for fear that it makes me look LIKE I’VE LOST MY DAMN MIND to a bout of uber-neurotisism and compulsive organization.

But alas! Yesterday clarified that one of my superpowers is organizing complex ideas in service of making people’s lives easier. How many thousands of authors have gone before me, and yet — none have chosen to share their process in this much detail before. If you’re promoting a book — or anything really — check it out. You can read the full back-story of how the Seth connection came about here. An excerpt:

Against today’s conventional book marketing advice, I decided to self-fund a 14-city ACTUAL book tour (in person! not virtual!). When I was invited to share my experience with Seth Godin and his team at The Domino Project headquarters in New York (by my good friend Willie Jackson), I jumped at the chance.

I had 15 minutes to present something related to my experience as an author. With a bit of nervous excitement, I decided to share the book marketing spreadsheet, which also felt very vulnerable. I was sure that sharing my spreadsheet with Seth and his team would brand me as a Type-A obsessive compulsive freak. But there was also a small chance that they would like what I had done — and that my crazy template brain could be put to use to make other author’s lives easier too.

Long story short, everyone loved it. Willie remarked that my spreadsheet “glows in the dark,” and Seth’s literary agent Lisa wanted to recommend it to every single one of her clients as a way to get organized. Seth offered to share it with his readers — and that’s when I knew I was really on to something.

Here’s one of my favorite tweets from the day:

Pop on over to The Domino Project blog to check-out the post — HUGE thanks to Seth for the great opportunity!

Speaking of superpowers…the Only72.com personal development fire-sale ends tomorrow morning! (9am Pacific Time on Thursday)

I can’t think of a better way to reveal, dig-into, enhance and plot world-domination-style greatness around your unique strengths than with the Only72 mega-pack of over 22 personal development products. A quick reminder for those of you still thinking about grabbing a set: the bundle is valued at $1087 and is selling for $97…but for three days only (ending Thursday at 9am PT). It will not be offered again.

I think this is a killer deal, but it won’t be for everyone. This offer is great for anyone who has considered buying these products independently (a particularly good deal if at least three or more look interesting), and for those of you who are looking for a summer boost on productivity, relationships, and goal-setting.

If you purchase the bundle, you’ll get a sneak preview at the course I’m launching later this summer called Make Sh*t Happen. This is my new baby: an 80-page e-book formatted very similarly to my actual book that I started working on in January to help you tackle a GINORMOUS goal. I think you’re going to love it To receive a free preview of 3 sample chapters and to get on the early notification list for when the 8-week Make Sh*t Happen coaching course launches this summer, sign-up here.

I leave you today with a set of questions to consider:

• What lights your soul (and your brain) on fire? What fills your heart with glee (beyond puppies, wine and chocolate)? What would you pay someone to be able to do?

• What brings out your inner hustle? What gets you out of bed in the morning on your very best days?

• Given your random background, education, job history and skillset — what are you UNIQUELY qualified to do or talk about? It might be the psychology of stardom, how to crush it when your parents are no longer with you and you’re allergic to the 9-to-5, or first-class hustlin’ — buying office supplies from stores going out of business and selling them BACK to Office Depot for profit (ahem…my brother).

• If you weren’t waiting to be good enough, smart enough, skilled enough or rich enough — what would you share with the world?

Don’t know the answers? GOOD! That means we’re running your brain through some new and exciting calisthenics. Write these questions at the top of a piece of paper and let them marinate for a week or two. And answer in the comments when you think of something! Nothing lights me up more than hearing about what gets you going

I’m super excited today for two reasons:

1. I get to share an incredibly sweet deal with you
2. My next project is included in this product bundle of awesomeness, and this is your first opportunity to check it out!

72-Hour Personal Development Bundle Sale:

For the next 72 hours (3 days), you can purchase a mega-pack of over 22 personal development products (valued at $1087) for $97. Most of these products sell independently for $35-$59.

I purchased the first bundle of products during the last release, and I still refer to them all the time for advice on setting up my business. It was absolutely worth the $97.

I’m sharing this with you today because I think it’s a rockin’ good deal, but it won’t be for everyone. This offer is great for anyone who has considered buying these products independently, or for those of you who are looking for a summer boost on productivity, relationships, and goal-setting.

The full product list for this go-round includes:

• Focus by Leo Babauta ($35)
• Momentum Kickstarter Kit by Charlie Gilkey ($47)
• Reclaim Your Dreams by Jonathan Mead ($47)
• 52 Weeks to Awesome by Pace & Kyeli ($52)
• 5 Ingredients | 10 Minutes by Jules Clancy ($77)
• Rebel Fitness Guide by Steve Kamb ($37)
• Fear-Crushing Travel Guide by Farnoosh Brock ($47)
• Overcoming the Fear of Uncertainty by Sean Ogle ($47)
• The Creativity Toolbox by Ali Luke & Thursday Bram ($47)
• Make Sh*t Happen by me! ($47)
• The Language Hacking Guide by Benny Lewis ($67)
• Sex, Love, Liberation by Ev’Yan Nasman ($47)
• Learn More, Study Less by Scott Young ($67)
• A Daring Adventure collection by Tim Brownson ($47)
• The Less Work, More Harmony Relationship Guide by Cara Stein ($47)
• Brilliantly Better Collection by Dragos Roua ($43)
• How to Become an Advanced Early Riser by Steve Aitchenson ($37)
• Cheap Family Fun by Kim & Jason ($52)
• The Art of Relaxed Productivity + The Power of Positivity by Henrik Edberg ($44)
• Discover Package by Barrie Davenport ($59)
• Mind Control Method: How to Get What You Want by Karol Gajda ($47)
• Sell Your Crap by Adam Baker ($47)
• TOTAL VALUE: $1,087

The sale opens at 9am pacific time on Monday, June 20 and closes at 9am on Thursday, June 23. It will not re-open after Wednesday, so this is your only opportunity to buy these products at this price. Click here to learn more and grab your set!

***

Announcing my next project:
Make Sh*t Happen: The Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving that One Big Dream
80-page e-book + soon-to-be-released coaching program

The backstory on how I got involved in the Only72 sale:

Many of you know that I hosted a Creative Night of New Years Genius in January to ring in the new year. The event proved to be a success — I started writing my next book and designing a coaching program, which I am incredibly excited about, called Make Sh*t Happen.

Then, in a case of dejá vu, I did nothing with it for six months. I had 80% written, but I got super busy launching and promoting Life After College (the book), so I put the new project on hold.

While in Portland for the World Domination Summit, I was sitting at a table with Adam Baker, Karol Gajda and Cara Stein (the masterminds behind today’s sale), creating the launch plan for their second Only72 sale (the first focused on business products). Next thing I know, Baker turns to me and says, “Do you have a personal development product you want to add to the mix?”

I hemmed and hawed… “Well, I’ve had a draft of an e-book done since January but it still needs SO much work.” Baker: “Can you have it to me within the week?” With raging fear slight trepidation, I said “Sure.” The perfectionist in me would have worked on it for another three months, waiting far longer than necessary to share it with the world. But this opportunity was too good to pass up, so I finished the e-book after several marathon days of writing and editing, hired my friend Andrew Osborn to design the cover, and couldn’t be happier with how it all turned out.

Why Make Sh*t Happen?

In my work with dozens of coaching clients and interactions with hundreds (if not thousands) of book and blog readers, I’ve realized that just about everyone I talk to has a big giant goal that they are tip-toeing around. These goals are so gigantic that it’s hard to even say them out loud, let alone start taking action.

I put together this program as a natural extension of my book; after people get clear on their ideal vision for every area of their lives, they are ready to pick one or two major areas in which to take meaningful action.

Your soul hopelessly, desperately, madly, passionately needs you to do that one thing that you’ve always known you need to do. I’m here to help you take your dreams off hold, and start becoming the amazing, talented, confident, self-expressed,no-holds-barred, accomplished person you were meant to be.

This book (and coaching program) will take your goal from impossible to inevitable — and I can’t wait to share it with those of you who are ready for the challenge!

To get on the early notification list for when the 8-week Make Sh*t Happen coaching course launches this summer, sign-up here. If you don’t purchase today’s bundle, your next chance to grab a copy of the e-book will be when I officially launch in July.

***

People On the Go — Career Track Series

Speaking of courses and personal development, I’m going to be part of a three-part webinar series on Career Development this summer. Here’s a quick overview if you’re thinking of changing jobs or interested in taking your career to the next level:

If the courses in today’s announcements are not for you, that’s okay — I’d love to hear from you on how I can be most helpful. Please feel free to send me an email (jenny [at] lifeaftercollege [dot] org) or reply in the comments; and keep an eye out for an upcoming survey on what you’d like to see more of as my blog approaches its fourth birthday later this year!

Except for the most spontaneous and risk-taking among us, big life decisions are not usually made lightly.

Our brain starts playing ping-pong with the choice, and before we know it the decision is weighing us down in the absence of any real forward motion. For our biggest choices, simple cost/benefit lists don’t quite do the trick (though if you are looking for a way to amp up your pro/con lists, check out Paul Williams’ great post on Decision-Making Tools).

One of the exercises that I frequently suggest to coaching clients (and that never fails me personally) is a decision-making matrix that helps distinguish between internal concerns (gremlins, doubts) versus external concerns (process-related, “how” questions, next steps).

Enter the 8-Step Decision-Making Template!

This template will help you unpack all the various thoughts, feelings and concerns swirling around your big decision. By writing them down (and separating self-doubt from concrete questions) you empower yourself to be much more creative about how you move forward. Sometimes moving forward just means doing more research to help you feel comfortable making your decision.

And of course, sometimes big decisions just take time. The template will only take you so far — at some point you just have to trust your gut — you’ll know when the time (or choice) is right for you to move forward.

How to Use the 8-Step Decision-Making Template:

1. State the problem or decision you are facing.
2. Re-state the decision as a question (this will open your brain up to a more creative thinking state).
3. Over the course of the next week (or more), document your questions/concerns around the decision. They may not come all at once. List one concern per line, and distinguish between internal and external concerns. Oftentimes people get bogged down in the “tyranny of the hows” – they feel paralyzed on a big decision because they don’t know how to get there yet. This process will help you outline all the various aspects of the decision.
4. Rate the intensity of that question, concern or inner critic on a scale of 1-5. How strongly do you feel about the concern? How much will it affect your decision? (Handy template feature: cells change color based on the number you enter!)
5. State the underlying values or priorities for each concern. What is the essence of your concern? What does it reveal about what is important to you?
6. Brainstorm solutions or replies. For each concern, brainstorm at least three potential solutions or counter-arguments.
7. Gut reaction. Based on everything you’ve listed, how would your gut answer the question you posed in Step 2?
8. Next steps. If you are clear on your answer to Step #7, what are the immediate next steps to take? Brainstorm a list of 5. If you are not clear on your answer, what other inputs or information will help you make your decision? Brainstorm a list of 10.
9. Bonus: The second tab will help you inventory all of the advice you receive from other people (friends, family, blogs, books, etc.), determine whether or not you agree, and decide whether there are any related next steps to take.

You might also be interested in these related posts: How do you make decisions? (the comments are incredibly helpful!) and the related template: 10 questions to help you stop thinking and start DOING.