One more picture from the top of the water tower - Bow Pose (Danurasana) - Photo by Sean Ogle

There’s an important announcement that I left out of my last post. Beyond being unplugged, one of the biggest highlights of my recent Mexico trip was finishing my yoga certification!!!

I taught my 25th class in a Mayan cave for a group of 10 incredible entrepreneurs . . . Geek Yoga at it’s absolute finest. After 75-minutes of sweating while staring at stalactites, we closed our practice with three rounds of Ohm, resonating beautifully from our seated position literally within the walls of the earth.

As I bowed forward to express my gratitude, I saw a flash of all my previous teachers and felt, in seconds, that they were passing a baton to me. I felt deeply supported, as though they were all welcoming me in to their community, giving me their blessing to step into my new shoes as a teacher so I could serve and help students transform just as they had done for me.

I haven’t always felt this way. I completed my yoga teacher training at White Lotus in October 2010. It wasn’t until January 2012 that I finally believed I was worthy and capable of teaching yoga.

Big goals are like that sometimes — they are so big that even if we are outwardly taking steps, our inner belief system hasn’t quite caught up. And yet, I find the longest goals to be most rewarding, particularly because they require such an internal transformation.

Everybody Starts Somewhere: Video + Article

The video below is from a recent speaking workshop called Platinum Presence (led by Cheryl Dolan) which I was fortunate to attend with highly inspiring friends like Pam Slim, Jonathan Fields, Willie Jackson, Nick Reese, Lewis Howes, Mike “Ambassador” Bruny, Charlie Gilkey, Derek Halpern and other incredible creatives. We were asked to speak extemporaneously for seven minutes about a topic we are passionate about.

The funny thing about this speech is that I delivered it the day before leaving for Mexico; all those fears were completely washed away by the time I returned home.

This speech is ruff and not rehearsed — but I’m sharing with you anyway, because the emotion behind it is real — and very relevant to any of you attempting something new. There’s also a mini two-minute seated yoga sequence at the beginning — I encourage you to follow along! 

Yoga Journal Article Submission

Bow Pose #2 (Dhanurasana): Acro Yoga with Mike Hrostoski

Below are my same thoughts in written form — this is from an article I recently pitched to Yoga Journal. 

Within the first ten minutes of teaching my own yoga class I became overwhelmed with a visceral appreciation for just how much skill all of my past and present teachers possessed. The dance of verbalizing every movement, breath and body position while delicately balancing demonstrating, adjusting, assisting, and holding the space. For the first time in six years of practicing yoga, I finally understood that teaching was much more than a hobby; it was a doorway to a lifetime of learning.

Much like children only start truly appreciating their parents after they’ve flown the nest, I gained an entirely new appreciation for my teachers once I found myself at the front of the room. For so long I had been a student, lost in my own world, hearing the teacher just enough to follow the class — certainly not “hearing” the multitude of considerations they were seamlessly weaving together.

It is from that place of deep admiration and gratitude that I make a humble request to all of the veteran teachers out there: let us newbies in. Even if you’re a little nervous about our lack of experience, give us a chance to find our way.

With articles like the recent (and controversial) New York Times piece by William Broad on how yoga can “wreck the body, ” it’s easy for new teachers to feel like they shouldn’t bother, lest they ruin their students for life.

Broad says, “Many teachers lack the deeper training necessary to recognize when students are headed toward injury.” While this may true, consider also that newer teachers are just as equipped at asking their students to listen to their bodies and to stop if something is causing pain or bodily harm.

Teaching yoga is a tradition that dates back thousands of years. Without new teachers to carry on the practice, we would have far fewer yogis benefiting from the wonderful marriage of mind, body and spirit. And yet, it can be incredibly intimidating to emerge as a new teacher among tens of thousands of gifted veterans worldwide.

But every one of those teachers started somewhere. Every teacher taught their first class, even if they are now teaching their five-hundredth. While not every teacher may have had nervous butterflies, sweaty palms and a fumbled-flow during their first few attempts, many did experience those growing pains.

In my past life on the Training & Development team at Google, I discovered a very handy learning model that I frequently refer back to when attempting a big goal or learning a new skill:

• Unconscious incompetence – You don’t know what you don’t know (ignorance is bliss)
• Conscious incompetence – The dip! You suddenly become aware of how much you have to learn. You might feel dumb, incompetent, frustrated or discouraged as you realize you need more skills, time or practice in order to move forward.
• Conscious competence – You’ve started to master the new skill, but you still have to actively think about whether you are doing it right.
• Unconscious competence – You don’t even have to think about it any more – the new skill comes naturally and/or finishing the goal becomes completely do-able. This is really the fun part, where you are flowing and “in the zone.”

Whenever one is learning something new, they will almost certainly hit a “dip” — the phase of conscious incompetence where they are fully aware of how much they don’t know, fumbling awkwardly through the task at hand, feeling like all they want to do is quit and give-up. The key is to keep going — to remember that, as cliche as it sounds, the only way out is through.

I completed my teacher training at White Lotus in Santa Barbara in 2010, under the tutelage of Ganga White and Tracey Rich. It wasn’t until January 2012 that I finally mustered up the courage to start teaching my own classes in New York City.

For months prior I would psych myself out of it, particularly after taking classes from the many brilliant teachers in New York. Why would anyone ever take class from me, when there is an abundance of more experienced teachers right outside their doorstep? And why should these more experienced teachers let me in to their community when they have so much more insight and experience?

But eventually, class by class, Sun A by Sun B, I started developing my “teacher legs,” feeling increasingly more confident in my ability to facilitate a great experience for my students, even if I was still new. And the teachers I encountered were gracious and helpful.

To the new teachers out there: give yourself a chance to succeed. Remember that everybody starts somewhere.

To the experienced teachers: know how much we admire and respect your knowledge and experience. If you cross paths with a newbie, let them in. Ask them how teaching is going, and maybe even if we have any questions. You have no idea how much we’ll appreciate it.

I am finally emerging from The Dip and finding a new home in the “conscious competence” phase. I have a feeling I’m going to be here for a while…if not a lifetime. That’s the beauty of life and big goals — we get to practice “beginner’s mind” every day, as a teacher and as a student, on and off the mat.

***

I’d love to hear in the comments:
In what area/s do you want to give yourself permission to be a beginner?

P.S. I’ll be doing a live video Q&A call hosted by The Young Entrepreneur Council at 8:30pm ET on February 22 — would love for you to join us!

*Yes, I still address my journal as “Dear Diary.” Stop laughing!!! I’ve been writing almost daily since I was ten years old and the name stuck. Before we jump in, I want to extend my deep gratitude to Jade Craven for including me on ProBlogger’s list of 20 Bloggers to Watch in 2012 – I’m beyond honored, and in great company if you’re looking for awesome new blogs to follow. 

I’ve been burrowed away in my apartment these last few days consuming coffee at a pace as close to an IV drip as I can get it, writing, course-creating, working on a super-fun project with Mint (stay tuned!) and wracking my brain for what to say to all of you that isn’t horribly, obnoxiously cliché as we ring in the new year.

Resolutions Schmezoloutions

I don’t make resolutions, I make mind maps of what I’d like to do or be in every major area of life and business, and I’ve made one every year for the last four years. Last year I shared my Passions Mind Map from 2008, along with instructions for creating your own. But I’m not here to preach about whether you should make resolutions or set goals, or even tell you how to keep them or not.

Instead, I just want one thing for all of you this year: to dig deep, find your courage, and pursue with gusto that thing in your heart that you know you must do. That one thing that, upon reflection 12 months from now, you would surely regret not attempting. I don’t care if you’re “successful” or not. I just want you to TRY. And to come alive in the process.

Show not tell: in which I crack open my journal for all to see

My English teachers always said to show not tell when writing. Somehow I don’t think they meant I should bare my innermost thoughts for all to see, but I’m doing it anyway. Last year, the one thing I would have regretted most was not giving myself a chance at running my own business full-time.

This month marks my six-month anniversary of solopreneurship, and I’m breaking even and paying bills with far more ease than I had envisioned. It all happened as a result of someone asking me, “How would you feel if a year from now nothing has changed?” (see the video of me telling this story in my 20SB Keynote)

Rather than just sit on top of a mountain of “yay, I did it!” and tell you about how I got here, I’d like to show you.

With a few caveats:

• Most of my most thoughtful entries happen during flights — you’ll notice that’s where many of these came from. As you can see from my TripIt stats, I had lots of opportunities for deep reflection this year!
• As I mentioned above, I still start every entry with “Dear Diary.” Dear Journal just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
• I never write with the intention to share, and if anyone ever read my journals without my consent I might not speak to them again. Sharing these entries is new for me! Shared without edits, even though there are several places I would have liked to omit a few things

Journal Entry 1: May 15, 2011 – Suspended between two worlds

In this entry I’m scared about the future, but having experienced the joy of being on my own, I start to entertain the possibility that I won’t be as massive a failure as my inner critic would like me to believe.

Journal Entry 2: June 1, 2011 – When it all finally clicks

This is the day I actually committed to moving forward with my great leap. I knew the conversation with Google would be incredibly hard (I haven’t been that nervous in a long-time) but that it was time for my to fly (my theme for 2011). I loved working at Google and cherish my time there, but this is when I realized that I was ready to give myself a chance, and that I would greatly regret not taking that risk.

Journal Entry 5: June 15, 2011 – Pardon my french!

Two weeks later, I made the call. I was sad to leave my co-workers and hated disappointing my manager, director and teammates by not returning, but I couldn’t help but squeal with glee at FINALLY making a decision and betting on myself.

Haha — that’s what pure JB handwritten all-caps excitement looks like

Journal Entry 4: November 30, 2011 – Mantras Moving Forward

Most of these mantras came to me as a result of challenges and emotional pain I was experiencing. They are an attempt at documenting how I want to be and what I want to focus on moving forward instead of fears, doubts and self-criticism.

A Toast: to 2012 with no regrets

I hope that in some way these snapshots have been helpful or interesting (if not just plain voyeuristic!). I hope they help you see that behind every courageous leap lie many fears and insecurities, but that they CAN be overcome.

Whether you write resolutions or not, ask yourself these two questions (and if you’re feeling gutsy, answer in the comments):

What is the ONE THING that you know in your gut you want to do this year?
How would you feel if one year from now if nothing had changed? 

***

Make Sh*t Happen Enrollment + Free Crash Course

If you are looking for extra support as you go after your own “no regrets” year, stick around: the doors re-open for Make Sh*t Happen on January 11 at 3pm ET.  I’m so excited I can barely stand it! Wondering if the course is right for you? Check out what the inaugural group had to say.

I’m also super excited to host a free Make Sh*t Happen Crash Course webinar on January 11 at 1:30pm PT as a fun way to kick-off the new year and provide a CliffsNotes version of what we cover in case you can’t afford the full course at the moment.

I’ll share my 8-step process for going after a massive goal: everything from big-picture visioning to building a strong support network, surviving the dip, and celebrating. At the very end I will answer any questions potential course enrollees may have. Register here, and please note that the webinar will not be recorded.

Cheers — to dreaming, doing and big-goal-swagger in 2012!

After another recent speaking engagement (it’s been a busy month!), someone came up to me and said, “What you’re doing is really courageous. Leaving your job . . . Google of all places, and the safety of a paycheck to start your own company. I want to do that someday.”

She saw my decision as courageous. And don’t get me wrong — I do too.

But more than that, I saw it as oxygen. It’s what I needed to do in order to breathe again. In order to exhale. In order to live the life that was waiting for me on the other side of a seemingly insurmountable, suffocating mountain of fear. I loved Google — but my heart turned elsewhere, even before my mind did.

“Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside”

When I’m at a speaking engagement, I feel really fancy.

I get dressed up, I actually accessorize, and I do something respectable with my mop of usually wet-and-thrown-into-a-bun hair. I passionately share my thoughts on big goals, pushing through fears, trusting your gut, taking baby steps, and trusting the process even if you can’t see the whole path.

I’ve got to assume that from the perspective of someone in the audience, my courage looks effortless and maybe even impossibly glamorous.

It’s not. It wasn’t. It isn’t. It almost never is.

Courage is earned . . . through tears, fears, heartbreak, and failure. It’s messy. Ugly. Rocky. And you find your courage when you have no choice BUT to trust it.

I start my speech by showing the picture of a woman laying on the floor of an office (shown above), as I share the following story:

A year and a half ago, I found myself rolling around the floor of a Google conference room between back-to-back meetings, dizzy, nauseous and on the verge of throwing up. And no, I wasn’t pregnant. I wasn’t sick either.

I was burned out. Spent. Exhausted.

As Martha Beck — one of my personal idols — puts it, my essential self had been bullied into silence for so long that it was no longer willing to stand by and watch me run myself into the ground…again.

So it spoke up the only way it knew how — by literally incapacitating me to the point where I didn’t have the energy to reach up from the floor, pick up the telephone, and cancel my next meeting.

In the Four-Hour Workweek Tim Ferris says, “The opposite of love is indifference and the opposite of happiness is — here’s the clincher — boredom.”

Are you bored or unhappy? Are you waiting to find your courage, wrapped in a big, beautiful glamorous bow?

If so, stop waiting and start doing. I know, I know — I make it sound so easy. I know it isn’t . . . but as Joan Baez said, “Action is the antidote to despair.”

Courage isn’t always glamorous.

• Courage is crying — snotty, unattractive, red, splotchy hysterical crying — because you know what you need to do, but you’re scared shitless to actually do it.
• Courage is going to sleep so heartsick that you couldn’t find the strength to change out of your clothes, but getting up and out of bed again the next day.
• Courage is not having any answers but taking action anyway.
• Courage is opening your heart and mind — to hope and possibility — despite crazy mind goblins telling you it’s a terrible idea.
• Courage is agonizing over a decision for months or years — then making it on your own time, when you are ready.
• Courage is listening to the whisper in your gut with such a fine quality of attention that it becomes a roar.

Courage is a hot mess. At least in my experience.

What’s that? Yours too? See — we’re all more similar than you think. And we all have a much deeper well of courage than we realize.

What would you do if you had the courage?
What would it look like to start even without it? 

***

On that note, I’ve set the re-launch date for the second Make Sh*t Happen course.

I actually did it while writing this post, because I got really fired up about helping people realize that Making Sh*t Happen is not always glamorous or easy. Once you drop that expectation, the world is yours. If you’re ready for me, I’m ready for you.

Doors open January 10, and I’m not raising the price or the class size — it will be $297 and open to 36 people who are ready to find their courage and change their lives. Sign-up on the homepage to be one of the first to be notified when enrollment opens.

Now go get ‘em, Tiger! :::virtually slaps butt:::

Okay now I’m just getting cheeky. (Punderful!) Signing off before this get’s too crazy…

Intro from Jenny: One thing that has always been important to me is sharing a variety of career perspectives on this blog beyond my own personal choices. Not everyone wants to work nights and weekends on a side hustle or quit their job to become self-employed — nor should they feel the pressure to!

That’s what I love about Alexis Grant, today’s guest poster. Alexis advocates taking a career break to travel, which can sometimes feel as nerve-wracking to ask for as giving your two-weeks notice (perhaps moreso because you have more at stake if you don’t plan on leaving).

Alexis interviewed me for two US News & World Report articles when my book came out (Treat Your Career Like a Smart Phone and Can I afford to take a sabbatical?) and we’ve kept in close touch since. I’m thrilled to share her work here at LAC today for any of you contemplating how to take a travel break without completely uprooting your career.

How to Take a Career Break to Travel (by Alexis Grant)

Alexis Grant in Madagascar

When I left my job to backpack through Africa, friends and colleagues often said to me, “I wish I could take a trip like that.”

Yet they didn’t follow that phrase with when they planned to go or where they would visit. Instead, they almost always followed it with a sentence that started with “But.”

• BUT I can’t leave my job.
• BUT I don’t have the money.
• BUT I have a mortgage.

The truth is, we all have our own BUT. It wouldn’t be a BIG, HAIRY, SCARY GOAL, as Jenny calls it, if it didn’t include at least one. Without the BUT, it simply wouldn’t be a dream.

My BUT was my job. I was working as a reporter at one of the country’s largest newspapers, the Houston Chronicle. I got to write stories about flesh-eating bacteria and rodeo cowboys and Death Row. It was the job I’d wanted all through graduate school, and I knew other journalists my age who were stuck covering board meetings for the town weekly would take my place in a second. How could I leave that behind?

I made the jump because I feared my desire to travel might not last forever, that riding in a crowded bush taxi would lose its appeal as I got older. I worried that if I didn’t follow my travel whims in my twenties, I might never do it.

So after three years in the workforce, I headed to Africa, where I traveled through seven countries in six months – and then got a new job when I got back. I socked the hell out of my BUT. And yet, I totally get it when a wannabe traveler feels trapped by seemingly unbeatable obstacles.

That’s why I wrote How to Take a Career Break to Travel. Because no matter how many BUTs you have, it’s possible to overcome all of those obstacles if you really want to make travel a priority.

In fact, this applies to more than taking a career break. It applies to any dream: landing a new job, publishing a book, taking any part of your life to the next level.

So when you find that three-letter word stopping you in your tracks, ask yourself: How can you work around that BUT? Or how can you face that challenge head-on?

In my new guide, I break down several major BUTs that keep wannabe travelers from seeing the world.

Chances are, even if your dream isn’t backpacking through Africa or museum-hopping in Europe or buying an around-the-world plane ticket, these BUTs have still forced their way into the picture. In some way, they’re probably infringing upon your Big Dream.

BUT: Career
Common obstacle: But if I leave my job, I won’t be able to find one when I get back!
How to work around it: Use your trip to enhance your resume. Rather than bumming through Latin America, give yourself an objective, like learning Spanish or volunteering with a non-profit or growing an awesome travel blog. If you gain skills during your travels, you’ll be a more marketable, more desirable worker when you return home, one employers would be foolish not to hire.

BUT: Money
Common obstacle: A career break is so expensive!
How to work around it: If you travel frugally, it will probably cost less to live on the road than it does at home. But since you won’t have a full-time paycheck coming in, you’ll have to save money to make this work. This is probably more doable than you think. Rather than minimizing your expenses to squeeze out savings, focus on maximizing income through your Side Hustle.

BUT: Housing
Common obstacle: But I have a mortgage!
How to work around it: Rather than thinking of this as a dream-stopper, approach it as a challenge, and think outside the box. Could you sell your house without taking a big loss? Don’t get sucked into the old-school rule that you have to own a home if you’re an adult. Plenty of us rent housing instead to give ourselves the flexibility we crave. If you can’t sell, could you rent out the property during your career break? Becoming a landlord can be a hassle, but it can also bring in some nice cash.

These BUTs aren’t actually as powerful as they look. They may feel intimidating, but once you check them out up close, you’ll see they’re not nearly scary and hairy as they appear from afar. Here’s my trick for wading through the scary and hairy: divide and conquer. Break those BUTs down into manageable bits, and tackle them one by one.

This tactic can work even if your BUT is something entirely different than a career break. If what you want seems totally undoable, how can you chip away at that goal, little by little? How can you get it within your reach?

My favorite tool for getting goals within my reach is one you might use already: the to-do list. 

You probably have to-do lists for your apartment (do laundry, fix the television, throw out the expired milk). And maybe for your job search, if you’re looking for a new job, or for your wedding, if you’re preparing to get hitched. We create to-do lists (and litter our desks with Post-Its) because they help us get that big thing accomplished.

So why not have a to-do list for your Big, Hairy, Scary Goal?

Get it all down on paper (or Evernote or Google Docs or whatever note-taking tool you prefer):

• What tasks stand between you and this goal?
• Can you break down those tasks even further, creating a to-do list of totally doable mini-tasks? (Hint: the Google spreadsheets Jenny’s mastered work super well for this.)

Rather than writing off those BUTs as impossible to overcome, break them down – divide and conquer – and be creative about answering the “how.” Before you know it, your Big, Hairy, Scary Goal will be more achievable than you thought.

What BUT gets in the way of your Big Dream – and how can you conquer it?

***

Alexis Grant is a journalist, social media strategist and author of the eguide, How to Take a Career Break to Travel. She is writing a travel memoir about backpacking solo through Africa and serves as managing editor of BrazenCareerist. If you liked this post, sign-up for her newsletter, which will help you take that Big Leap you’ve been waiting on. Follow Alexis on Twitter @AlexisGrant.

*If this is an art, my current skill-set is that of a five year old with crayons . . . but hear me out.

Three things before we jump in:

1. HUGE thanks to all of you for helping me max out Jeremy’s DonorsChoose.org page on my birthday last Sunday — we did it!! We weren’t the only ones to contribute, but by the end of the day he had raised the remaining $448. It completely warmed my heart and his — makes me so proud to have a community of readers like you. THANK YOU!
2. I was honored to be chosen as one of 100 women for eHow’s first annual “Shift List” — check it out here.
3. I am going to be speaking at the Texas Conference for Women on November 17 — if any of you live in the Houston area, this will be a don’t-miss conference with a huge line-up of incredible speakers (including one of my idols, Martha Beck) — the registration fee is a very reasonable $140.

***

The Itchy Scratchy Art of Saying No

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.”

–Arnold Bennett

If you recall my New York, New York post, you’ll know I had every intention of taking things slowly this quarter so that I could leave the house and spend time in this great city rather than remain chained to my laptop by emails and meetings. You were all very understanding, and it really felt possible!

You have to crawl (and fall) before you can walk

The month of September went as follows: I kept telling my coach, “I’ll slow down next week — this one just got really busy.” Then next week would come, and I would do nothing differently.

My first homework assignment was to take a four-day weekend off given how hard I’d been working after the Make Sh*t Happen launch.

I barely took four hours, let alone four days. So we adjusted our expectations and my homework the following weekend was to take Saturday and Sunday off. Once again, even with the best intentions, I bulldozed right over what should have been time untethered.

Then you hit a breaking point, and something has to change

Niagara Falls from the Maid of the Mist Boat

My first true days off since I’ve been here were the week of my birthday, when I went to Niagara Falls with my mom and grandma. I left my laptop at home (shocking!!) and spent time reading, reflecting, and relaxing.

Correction — I was trying to relax. But requests and emails kept pouring in. Shockingly, they followed me to Niagara, even though I was on a break. Funny how that works! Over two days, I received 8 requests for my time (outside of coaching calls) — Skype chats, networking, interviews. I felt my anxiety bubbling to a boiling point. Taken individually, no one request was a big deal. One was even just 10 minutes! But taken as a whole, it was just too much.

Enter nature: the great sorbet for the soul.

Niagara Falls is an incredible sight to see, and call it cliche — but I had an epiphany standing there on the Maid of the Mist boat, water raining down on me, staring at this great landmark with it’s gorgeous, powerful water spilling and crashing everywhere.

*I* have to change. People cannot read my mind. If I don’t learn to say no, and learn to take time off, NOTHING will change.

It sounds so obvious in hindsight. But I kept waiting for “next week to be better” when deep down, being the self-help junkie that I am, I knew that “next week” had to start NOW.

Changing a well-worn habit is like turning a giant ship around.

It takes TIME. Patience. Self-love. Compassion. Discipline. A little bit of failure.

I’ve got to say . . . this mission to slow down in Q4 has been very humbling for me. It’s humbling because I normally respond quickly to goals I set, but in this case I felt like such a failure. I literally did not know where to start, and I found myself continually overwhelmed week after week.

You can’t just wait for things to change, then get frustrated when they don’t.

New habits, especially one as sensitive as saying no (at least for all you people-pleasers like me), are scratchy and difficult. That is why they are new. That’s why they matter. It’s frustrating, but you’re in the trenches now. You’ve got to fight, learn, and fail your way through.

We can’t expect to turn the entire ship around in two seconds.

10 Important Reminders for Habit Change and the “No” Business

1. It’s not enough to hope for habit change. Actions have to follow desire — this is not easy. There WILL be a dip when you are learning a new skill.
2. Habit change starts with one tiny aspect at a time. In yoga, the teacher might give the most subtle correction: don’t collapse the arches of your feet during standing poses. That alone will take me months of concerted practice and repetition to correct! And yet those nuances are part of the fun. It’s a champagne problem to have (in yoga or life) to be in the business of refining, not just survival.
3. What got you here won’t get you there. This is a popular business book that also applies to habit change. Sometimes the very habits that have made you successful (working around the clock) are not the ones that will help you create sustainable success over the long-term. At a certain point you have to evolve, particularly as your life, goals or responsibilities become more complex.
4. Any big goal usually comes with new habits. How will you make room for them in your life? If your goal is to lose weight, what new eating and exercise habits do you need to develop? If your goal is to start a blog or write a book, when will you set aside the time to write?
5. You may will probably fail at first. Remember learning to ride a bike? It’s scary. Wobbly. Crashy. It requires support from those around you. But, after concerted practice, one day it will become second nature.
6. Habit change starts TODAY. Not tomorrow, not next week. Snap out of your procrastinator’s paradise (more like purgatory) and make the tough decisions to change and improve your life TODAY.
7. Saying no — especially to people you care about — can be very challenging. Root your response in truth and values — share your conflict honestly. Let them know that normally you would love to say yes, but right now you’re taking a much-needed break (or insert other authentic reason) and that you hope they understand. They might even relate and admire your no-wielding courage.
8. Priortize. What is most important to you? If you are clear on your priorities, it will be easier to say no. One of my mentors Susan came up with a great checklist: Are you healthy? Do you have enough time for yourself? Do you have enough time for your friends and family? Do you have enough time to get your own work done? If yes — and ONLY yes to all of the above — should you then start entertaining others’ requests. Make your own list — what should come first before saying yes?
9. If it’s not one exception, it’s another. Don’t let exceptions wiggle you out of your commitment to habit change. We’ve all played the “just this one time” game. When is it time to make yourself the exception?
10. When all else fails, get outside! Nature has this amazing way of bringing clarity and a sense of grounding. If you’re frustrated about a habit you can’t break, frame up your challenge as a question and go for a walk, a hike, a bike ride, a run — anything that will shift your thinking through the power of fresh air and connection with the great outdoors.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments:

What helps you turn the big habit ship around?
Got any great tips for saying no, even when you’re conflicted and want to say yes? 

One of my favorite dad paintings - dancers in a jazz club - via JimBlakeArt.com

Happy Sunday, Everyone! Today is my 28th birthday and I’m thrilled to kick it off by celebrating with you

Last night my friend Nick graciously hosted a bunch of blogger friends on his rooftop terrace for BBQ, dancing, mojitos and yes — cupcakes — and it struck me how grateful I am to have a vehicle that allows me to meet and interact with so many awesome, incredible people on a regular basis.

I feel awkward wishing myself happy birthday on my own blog, but I’d like to use this opportunity to ask two small favors of you — and share some gems from my dad, Jim Blake, on going after big goals.

Two Small Requests:

1. Help me blow-up my friend Jeremy Orr’s DonorsChoose.org request for laptops for his sixth grade class.I’ve known Jeremy for over 10 years but we were never all that close until he discovered Twitter. Twitter reconnected us and served as a catalyst for finding one of my now closest friends.Jeremy is humble, kind, and would never ask me to do this — it was hard for him to even ask his friends in an email for some help. He is a teacher, and in the last year his car was stolen, his storage locker was broken into (and all the computers he used in his classroom were stolen) and he was pink-slipped from his job because of a stupid California lottery system, not because of anything to do with his abilities (I happen to think he’s one of the best teachers on the planet). Jeremy is now back teaching sixth grade and loves using technology in the classroom — last year he had his students Skype with entrepreneurs, and had various blog friends call in from all over the world for National Reading Day.So here’s what I would LOVE to happen: Jeremy has currently raised $622 from 12 donors, with $448 remaining to purchase laptops for his class. If 200 people give $2, he’ll be all squared away with replacement computers for the year. If you can give just $2 — that would be amazing. $5 and you’re a rock star. Any more than that? Jeremy and I will surely love you forever! It would be the best birthday gift to me to know that we’ve helped a friend and dedicated teacher — and awesome if by the end of the day (or week) his DonorsChoose page was maxed out.

   Update: WE DID IT! Jeremy’s page was successfully maxed out by the end of the day You all made my day — and his — I cannot thank you enough!

2. If Life After College (the blog or book) has inspired or helped you take action in some way, would you leave me a comment describing how? I asked this question last year and was so grateful and moved by all the thoughts people shared. Even if you don’t comment often, I’d love to hear from you and say hello!

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8 Pearls of Jim Blake Wisdom

The other day in an email my dad wrote, “A question: What would be your TOP 5 all-time single sentence words of wisdom for goal seekers?” I came up with a few nuggets that I share often in speeches and with clients:

• Live/dream big but don’t be afraid to start small
• Ditch “all or nothing” or “if then” thinking — start today, even if the conditions aren’t perfect
• You’re capable of so much more than you think you are
• Expect doubters — of course they don’t see your vision — that’s what makes it YOUR vision!
• The bigger the goal, the bigger the fears — take them as a great validator

Then he promptly blew me out of the water with his list!! I feel very fortunate to learn from him and with him on subjects near and dear to my heart, most recently on Making Sh*t Happen. Without further ado, my dad’s reply on some gems he’s been honoring while working on a screenplay (these often come to him during his 16-mile nightly walks):

You can read more of my Dad’s thoughts at his blog (and book of the same name), The Bliss Engine, and check-out his amazing art work at JimBlakeArt.com.

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Contest Winners from Last Week’s Book-a-Day Giveaway:

Thank you all for the AWESOME comments on last weeks’ question prompts, and for sticking with me through daily posts! I’m very excited to announce our winners (chosen via Random.org) — if you’re name is below, please send me an email at jenny [at] lifeaftercollege [dot] org so I can get you your shiny new book!

• Lead Without Followers (by Dave Ursillo) – Meredyth
• The Big Enough Company (By Adelaide Lancaster and Amy Abrams) – Ricardo Bueno
• Uncertainty (by Jonathan Fields) – Therese Schwenkler
• The Education of Millionaires (by Michael Ellsberg) – Mozart
• Blind Spots (by Alexandra Levit) – Meredith Hawkins
• Life After College (by yours truly!) – Johan Woods