View of one of Taninah's palapas (fab photo by Sean Ogle)

“We show up, burn brightly, live passionately, hold nothing back, and when the moment is over, when our work is done, we step back and let go.”

–Rolf Gates, Meditations from the Mat

Yoga at sunset on top of the water tower (By Sean Ogle)

I just got back from the most incredible week of my life…totally unplugged with 11 other entrepreneurs in a Mayan villa called Taninah, situated in the middle of a jungle near Playa del Carmen in Mexico. We slept in palapas at night under the stars, then woke up to the sound of birds chirping and ducks splashing in the pond. We ate three meals a day together cooked by an incredible staff, and laughed, played and had great conversations all day every day like we were kids again.

It’s funny that just before I left I wrote the post, What’s Your Happy Place? I found it. I found it in physical form (the resort had ziplines, a mini golf course, a game room, a treehouse, hammocks, and a waterslide in a cave) and in my spirit — I’ve never felt such a pure sense of joy, bliss and love for such a sustained amount of time.

This post won’t be a recap of my vacation – there are no words that would do the experience justice. I feel transformed beyond measure, and this is my attempt at maintaining it moving forward, and helping you find that same sense of aliveness in your own life.

My book is centered loosely upon the Wheel of Life (template here), an exercise where you can rate every area of your life on a scale of 1-10 (work, money, friends, family, home, organization, health, personal growth, relationships, fun & relaxation). While that exercise can help you design your life in every area, it doesn’t quite hit on the qualities that bring us alive within that life.

The areas (and accompanying Wheel of Aliveness template) below are based on my trip and are influenced heavily by Martha Beck’s latest book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World. I believe they can be applied to any person at any time, because they hit upon fundamental aspects of being fully human. If there are any areas that don’t resonate with you, feel free to replace them with ones that do.

12 Ways to Wake up, Come Alive and Find Your Bliss

As you read the list below, consider how each one is showing up in your own life (or not). On a scale of 1-10, how present and full is that element? How do you feel when you maximize each one? What would be possible in your life if you were to increase the areas that are lacking? Feel free to also use the shiny new template for this exercise.

• Movement/play – many of us sit at computers all day and continue staring at screens into the night. How can you incorporate more athletics and movement, even outside of the gym? Yoga in the rain, tossing a football and baseball around, and zip-lining (among many other activities) completely brought me back to my body this week. The owner, Marino, even set-up an obstacle course for us on the last day, and I almost peed my pants watching everyone else go through it! It feels great to sweat and release energy through play. See also: Sean Ogle’s The Importance of Play (about our trip)
• Dance & Music - you may not like dancing, but I believe that there is something incredibly powerful about connecting with music, feeling it in your bones, and letting yourself dance and be free. Sweating in a club, connecting with people around you, or just dancing by yourself when no one’s watching. See also: Where the Hell is Matt? (One of my all-time favorite YouTube videos — you can’t watch it and NOT smile)
• Nature – It was an incredible experience getting to immerse ourselves totally in a Mayan jungle, especially after coming from THE concrete jungle of New York City. A reminder about how powerful it is to be outside, play outside and rest outside. Go for walks, lay in the grass, sit on a bench and people watch. See also: Martha Beck’s Logging Off: The Power of Disconnection
• Water - I thought about combining this with nature, but it’s different. Water has a powerful effect on our bodies — whether it’s a pool, hot tub, bath tub, slip and slide, or even staring at a natural body of water like the ocean or a river. See also: Bon Iver’s incredible Holocene bonus video from his self-titled album, 20 Life Lessons I Learned on the Rogue River
• Community & Connection – there is something magical about sharing meals (3 a day), and finding people who inspire you to be the best, most authentic version of yourself. Consider the communities in your life: are they serving your most authentic self? Are they making your life better? During the trip we would come together for a few rounds of “Ohm” after every sporting event, even in the middle of a restaurant one day. Ohm is said to be the universal sound, and the beautiful harmony reminded all of us that we are connected and we are loved. See also: The Holstee Manifesto: This is Your Life.
• Laughter – laughter is one of the purest forms of joy. Find people who make you laugh, don’t take life too seriously, and let yourself be silly. See also: Top 10 Funniest YouTube Videos
• Learning & Creativity – this entails reading books, engaging in conversation, asking questions, giving yourself space to explore your creative side. Engage your mind, and just as you let your body play and be outdoors, allow your inner creativity to shine through freedom and flexibility. By creating such an incredible place, Marino taught us all to dream big, bigger and bigger still. Never give up on bringing your wildest dreams to fruition.  See also: Live for the Dip
• Challenge – get outside of your comfort zone, tackle big goals and big ideas, undertake projects that bring you alive. See also: Joseph Campbell on The Hero’s Journey
• Commitment – what matters to you? Commit to living authentically, commit to living in accordance with your core values, and commit to projects and people that carry significant meaning. See also: Big Difference by Willie Jackson, about the powerful conversation we had with Marino about the plight of the Mayans (much like Avatar) and his commitment to serving them.
• Gratitude & Positivity - it was amazing to be around a group of people who let all negativity roll right off their backs at any given moment. No sooner did someone state a fear or self-doubt than it was washed away by caring, positive encouragement. This is about maintaining a player mentality (as opposed to a victim role) in your own life, about reframing negative thoughts into positive incarnations, and about constantly reminding yourself of everything in life that you are grateful for, therefore giving it a chance to expand even further. See also: Be Thankful  and Zen and the Art of Happiness Book Notes
• Letting go – resting, relaxing, dropping any thoughts or worries that aren’t serving you, let small infractions in life roll of your back. My friend Mike from the trip uses the motto, “Zero F*cks” — as in, “I have zero f*cks to give” when something irritating happens, or even when going into a situation (like a night out with friends to focus on being carefree). He quickly got us to all adopt the phrase — making sure to clarify that Zero F*cks only applies to stuff that doesn’t matter, so that you can focus your attention on everything else that does. See also: Dancing with Demons and Finding the Light
• Light and love – sending love to yourself first and foremost, then to all others around you. One love. See also: Light, Love and Yoga Money and Expanding Happiness: on Bliss and Fear (with notes from my dad)

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments: What brings you alive?
What do you have room for more of in your life?

Modified pigeon pose at Taninah (HDR photo by Sean Ogle)

*Yes, I still address my journal as “Dear Diary.” Stop laughing!!! I’ve been writing almost daily since I was ten years old and the name stuck. Before we jump in, I want to extend my deep gratitude to Jade Craven for including me on ProBlogger’s list of 20 Bloggers to Watch in 2012 – I’m beyond honored, and in great company if you’re looking for awesome new blogs to follow. 

I’ve been burrowed away in my apartment these last few days consuming coffee at a pace as close to an IV drip as I can get it, writing, course-creating, working on a super-fun project with Mint (stay tuned!) and wracking my brain for what to say to all of you that isn’t horribly, obnoxiously cliché as we ring in the new year.

Resolutions Schmezoloutions

I don’t make resolutions, I make mind maps of what I’d like to do or be in every major area of life and business, and I’ve made one every year for the last four years. Last year I shared my Passions Mind Map from 2008, along with instructions for creating your own. But I’m not here to preach about whether you should make resolutions or set goals, or even tell you how to keep them or not.

Instead, I just want one thing for all of you this year: to dig deep, find your courage, and pursue with gusto that thing in your heart that you know you must do. That one thing that, upon reflection 12 months from now, you would surely regret not attempting. I don’t care if you’re “successful” or not. I just want you to TRY. And to come alive in the process.

Show not tell: in which I crack open my journal for all to see

My English teachers always said to show not tell when writing. Somehow I don’t think they meant I should bare my innermost thoughts for all to see, but I’m doing it anyway. Last year, the one thing I would have regretted most was not giving myself a chance at running my own business full-time.

This month marks my six-month anniversary of solopreneurship, and I’m breaking even and paying bills with far more ease than I had envisioned. It all happened as a result of someone asking me, “How would you feel if a year from now nothing has changed?” (see the video of me telling this story in my 20SB Keynote)

Rather than just sit on top of a mountain of “yay, I did it!” and tell you about how I got here, I’d like to show you.

With a few caveats:

• Most of my most thoughtful entries happen during flights — you’ll notice that’s where many of these came from. As you can see from my TripIt stats, I had lots of opportunities for deep reflection this year!
• As I mentioned above, I still start every entry with “Dear Diary.” Dear Journal just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
• I never write with the intention to share, and if anyone ever read my journals without my consent I might not speak to them again. Sharing these entries is new for me! Shared without edits, even though there are several places I would have liked to omit a few things

Journal Entry 1: May 15, 2011 – Suspended between two worlds

In this entry I’m scared about the future, but having experienced the joy of being on my own, I start to entertain the possibility that I won’t be as massive a failure as my inner critic would like me to believe.

Journal Entry 2: June 1, 2011 – When it all finally clicks

This is the day I actually committed to moving forward with my great leap. I knew the conversation with Google would be incredibly hard (I haven’t been that nervous in a long-time) but that it was time for my to fly (my theme for 2011). I loved working at Google and cherish my time there, but this is when I realized that I was ready to give myself a chance, and that I would greatly regret not taking that risk.

Journal Entry 5: June 15, 2011 – Pardon my french!

Two weeks later, I made the call. I was sad to leave my co-workers and hated disappointing my manager, director and teammates by not returning, but I couldn’t help but squeal with glee at FINALLY making a decision and betting on myself.

Haha — that’s what pure JB handwritten all-caps excitement looks like

Journal Entry 4: November 30, 2011 – Mantras Moving Forward

Most of these mantras came to me as a result of challenges and emotional pain I was experiencing. They are an attempt at documenting how I want to be and what I want to focus on moving forward instead of fears, doubts and self-criticism.

A Toast: to 2012 with no regrets

I hope that in some way these snapshots have been helpful or interesting (if not just plain voyeuristic!). I hope they help you see that behind every courageous leap lie many fears and insecurities, but that they CAN be overcome.

Whether you write resolutions or not, ask yourself these two questions (and if you’re feeling gutsy, answer in the comments):

What is the ONE THING that you know in your gut you want to do this year?
How would you feel if one year from now if nothing had changed? 

***

Make Sh*t Happen Enrollment + Free Crash Course

If you are looking for extra support as you go after your own “no regrets” year, stick around: the doors re-open for Make Sh*t Happen on January 11 at 3pm ET.  I’m so excited I can barely stand it! Wondering if the course is right for you? Check out what the inaugural group had to say.

I’m also super excited to host a free Make Sh*t Happen Crash Course webinar on January 11 at 1:30pm PT as a fun way to kick-off the new year and provide a CliffsNotes version of what we cover in case you can’t afford the full course at the moment.

I’ll share my 8-step process for going after a massive goal: everything from big-picture visioning to building a strong support network, surviving the dip, and celebrating. At the very end I will answer any questions potential course enrollees may have. Register here, and please note that the webinar will not be recorded.

Cheers — to dreaming, doing and big-goal-swagger in 2012!

After another recent speaking engagement (it’s been a busy month!), someone came up to me and said, “What you’re doing is really courageous. Leaving your job . . . Google of all places, and the safety of a paycheck to start your own company. I want to do that someday.”

She saw my decision as courageous. And don’t get me wrong — I do too.

But more than that, I saw it as oxygen. It’s what I needed to do in order to breathe again. In order to exhale. In order to live the life that was waiting for me on the other side of a seemingly insurmountable, suffocating mountain of fear. I loved Google — but my heart turned elsewhere, even before my mind did.

“Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside”

When I’m at a speaking engagement, I feel really fancy.

I get dressed up, I actually accessorize, and I do something respectable with my mop of usually wet-and-thrown-into-a-bun hair. I passionately share my thoughts on big goals, pushing through fears, trusting your gut, taking baby steps, and trusting the process even if you can’t see the whole path.

I’ve got to assume that from the perspective of someone in the audience, my courage looks effortless and maybe even impossibly glamorous.

It’s not. It wasn’t. It isn’t. It almost never is.

Courage is earned . . . through tears, fears, heartbreak, and failure. It’s messy. Ugly. Rocky. And you find your courage when you have no choice BUT to trust it.

I start my speech by showing the picture of a woman laying on the floor of an office (shown above), as I share the following story:

A year and a half ago, I found myself rolling around the floor of a Google conference room between back-to-back meetings, dizzy, nauseous and on the verge of throwing up. And no, I wasn’t pregnant. I wasn’t sick either.

I was burned out. Spent. Exhausted.

As Martha Beck — one of my personal idols — puts it, my essential self had been bullied into silence for so long that it was no longer willing to stand by and watch me run myself into the ground…again.

So it spoke up the only way it knew how — by literally incapacitating me to the point where I didn’t have the energy to reach up from the floor, pick up the telephone, and cancel my next meeting.

In the Four-Hour Workweek Tim Ferris says, “The opposite of love is indifference and the opposite of happiness is — here’s the clincher — boredom.”

Are you bored or unhappy? Are you waiting to find your courage, wrapped in a big, beautiful glamorous bow?

If so, stop waiting and start doing. I know, I know — I make it sound so easy. I know it isn’t . . . but as Joan Baez said, “Action is the antidote to despair.”

Courage isn’t always glamorous.

• Courage is crying — snotty, unattractive, red, splotchy hysterical crying — because you know what you need to do, but you’re scared shitless to actually do it.
• Courage is going to sleep so heartsick that you couldn’t find the strength to change out of your clothes, but getting up and out of bed again the next day.
• Courage is not having any answers but taking action anyway.
• Courage is opening your heart and mind — to hope and possibility — despite crazy mind goblins telling you it’s a terrible idea.
• Courage is agonizing over a decision for months or years — then making it on your own time, when you are ready.
• Courage is listening to the whisper in your gut with such a fine quality of attention that it becomes a roar.

Courage is a hot mess. At least in my experience.

What’s that? Yours too? See — we’re all more similar than you think. And we all have a much deeper well of courage than we realize.

What would you do if you had the courage?
What would it look like to start even without it? 

***

On that note, I’ve set the re-launch date for the second Make Sh*t Happen course.

I actually did it while writing this post, because I got really fired up about helping people realize that Making Sh*t Happen is not always glamorous or easy. Once you drop that expectation, the world is yours. If you’re ready for me, I’m ready for you.

Doors open January 10, and I’m not raising the price or the class size — it will be $297 and open to 36 people who are ready to find their courage and change their lives. Sign-up on the homepage to be one of the first to be notified when enrollment opens.

Now go get ‘em, Tiger! :::virtually slaps butt:::

Okay now I’m just getting cheeky. (Punderful!) Signing off before this get’s too crazy…

Bloggers, particularly of the personal development variety, really have to be careful about white-lying by omission.

If we don’t make an effort to share the ugly, dirty underbelly of our lives, you might assume that everything we touch is covered in glossy gold perfection, and that perhaps there is something wrong with you if you can’t achieve that same nirvana.

I speak for myself on this, but I don’t white-lie-by-omission to you on purpose. Sometimes I need the introverted time to process what is happening. And sometimes I don’t share on the blog because I’m not even ready to admit to myself what my little ugly truths are.

I’m not revealing anything earth-shattering today. But I am going to exercise my own version of confessional and search for 12 things that I have been otherwise resisting saying out loud. If you’re feeling brave, I’d love for you to join me (at least with one or two) in the comments. It will help me feel like I’m not standing all alone on my island of embarrassing quirks

12 Mini Confessions

1. There are some days — more than I’d care to admit — where I cannot bring myself to work, no matter how large my to-do list grows. I spent last Friday watching all seven episodes of Revenge in bed. (For the record, that show is my new guilty-pleasure addiction.) Sometimes I wake up and I just feel flat out depressed for no good reason. I think it’s the change in weather and daylight — but I could just be making that up.
2. Sometimes the more my email inbox grows, the more days I spend avoiding it. I’ve even signed on to teach a second round of the Inbox Freedom webinar series because I’m hoping it will motivate me to tackle my own overwhelm. Join me if you’re feeling overwhelmed too.
3. As much as I try to be all “zen and sh*t” about my dating life, there are many moments where I can’t help but feel frustrated and sad. For years people have said things like, “When you finish the book…when you leave Google…when you move to New York…when you exhibit the qualities you’d want in a partner…” Check. Check. Check and check. No more outside advice…no more paradoxical cliches…once again I search for some peace of mind in my Open Letter to Love.
4. My coping mechanism for dating frustration is creating snarky Someecards that are not really appropriate for the front page of my blog and sending them to my #SPIRLBFF Elisa Doucette. Here’s the latest creation.
5. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind to limerence! How can such a logical woman spiral in circles about a guy she barely knows? I simultaneously love the fantasy and feel tortured by the thought that I’m making it all up. I know, I should just ask him out already. But I’m too chicken. Says the girl who quit Google.
6. I should write about dating on my blog waaay more often than I do. But I’m worried that you’ll analyze me or try to give me advice or that I’ll feel stupid. I know, it’s ridiculous. To fix this, I might start a 20-minute “Dating in the Digital Age” podcast with the guy I met online who ended up filming my book trailer.
7. Sometimes during yoga class I pretend I’m on stage performing. Gah! I’m a yoga teacher! I should know, more than anyone, that yoga is about turning inward; not comparing yourself to others or trying to impress (which holds true on and off the mat). But sometimes I imagine that I’m the world’s most graceful practitioner and the thought that I’m performing helps me extend through every limb. Is that so bad?
8. I get a notification from every person who unsubscribes from my blog or newsletters. Each time it sends a little pang of hurt, but I don’t turn them off. I like to think it provides feedback…keeps me on my toes…but really it’s just masochistic. I think it’s an inner critic tactic — grasping for evidence that whatever I just sent was total crap.
9. For the most part, I dislike Skype calls and won’t normally agree to them unless I do them all on the same day. Most days I’m working in my sweats with no makeup on, or still in sweaty clothes from going on a run. I only do something presentable with my hair if I’m leaving the house…for something other than errands. So when people say, “Let’s Skype!” I imagine the 45 minutes of effort I’d have to put in, and I ask if they’re okay chatting on the phone instead.
10. Even though my Four-Step Budget template is one of my most popular downloads, I’m in desperate need of a spending overhaul! I still haven’t really changed my spending habits since leaving Google, and I know I could be saving more than I am. This is even MORE important now that my income is unpredictable from month-to-month — and yet, I can’t seem to resist indulging all my food, shoe and clothing whims in New York.
11. My last Make Sh*t Happen (MSH) newsletter had a MAJOR typo in the subject line. It said “10 Tenants for Any Quest;” I used the word Tenants (renters) instead of Tenets (principles). It went out to over 600 people, but thankfully only a few noticed…or told me that they noticed. Hey — at least they were paying attention! I felt like a complete idiot. Unlike blog posts, you can’t update an email subject line after the fact.
12. The MSH course wrapped up last week and I have been so blown away by the people in it and the fact that IT WORKED that I got overwhelmed and haven’t shared anything with you on the blog. Partly because the participants and I promised each other that what happens in the course would stay confidential, and partly because I don’t want to be the annoying salesy-braggy blogger type. At the same time, this is what puts food on the table now! So I will post some love for the MSH course soon…when I can motivate myself to stop watching shows on Hulu and start getting back to work. In the meantime, check out this Q&A with Alexis Grant for more about the course.

I’m now laughing out loud in the middle of Starbucks. Have I made myself sound totally batshit crazy yet?!

How about you? What are one or two “truths” that you’ve been itching to offload?
Share in the comments — it might just provide some much-needed relief. . .

And when all else fails, make an ecard.

***

P.S. I am absolutely in love with this video, and the song that goes with it (We Don’t Eat by James Vincent McMorrow). It makes me so grateful to be living in New York:

*If this is an art, my current skill-set is that of a five year old with crayons . . . but hear me out.

Three things before we jump in:

1. HUGE thanks to all of you for helping me max out Jeremy’s DonorsChoose.org page on my birthday last Sunday — we did it!! We weren’t the only ones to contribute, but by the end of the day he had raised the remaining $448. It completely warmed my heart and his — makes me so proud to have a community of readers like you. THANK YOU!
2. I was honored to be chosen as one of 100 women for eHow’s first annual “Shift List” — check it out here.
3. I am going to be speaking at the Texas Conference for Women on November 17 — if any of you live in the Houston area, this will be a don’t-miss conference with a huge line-up of incredible speakers (including one of my idols, Martha Beck) — the registration fee is a very reasonable $140.

***

The Itchy Scratchy Art of Saying No

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.”

–Arnold Bennett

If you recall my New York, New York post, you’ll know I had every intention of taking things slowly this quarter so that I could leave the house and spend time in this great city rather than remain chained to my laptop by emails and meetings. You were all very understanding, and it really felt possible!

You have to crawl (and fall) before you can walk

The month of September went as follows: I kept telling my coach, “I’ll slow down next week — this one just got really busy.” Then next week would come, and I would do nothing differently.

My first homework assignment was to take a four-day weekend off given how hard I’d been working after the Make Sh*t Happen launch.

I barely took four hours, let alone four days. So we adjusted our expectations and my homework the following weekend was to take Saturday and Sunday off. Once again, even with the best intentions, I bulldozed right over what should have been time untethered.

Then you hit a breaking point, and something has to change

Niagara Falls from the Maid of the Mist Boat

My first true days off since I’ve been here were the week of my birthday, when I went to Niagara Falls with my mom and grandma. I left my laptop at home (shocking!!) and spent time reading, reflecting, and relaxing.

Correction — I was trying to relax. But requests and emails kept pouring in. Shockingly, they followed me to Niagara, even though I was on a break. Funny how that works! Over two days, I received 8 requests for my time (outside of coaching calls) — Skype chats, networking, interviews. I felt my anxiety bubbling to a boiling point. Taken individually, no one request was a big deal. One was even just 10 minutes! But taken as a whole, it was just too much.

Enter nature: the great sorbet for the soul.

Niagara Falls is an incredible sight to see, and call it cliche — but I had an epiphany standing there on the Maid of the Mist boat, water raining down on me, staring at this great landmark with it’s gorgeous, powerful water spilling and crashing everywhere.

*I* have to change. People cannot read my mind. If I don’t learn to say no, and learn to take time off, NOTHING will change.

It sounds so obvious in hindsight. But I kept waiting for “next week to be better” when deep down, being the self-help junkie that I am, I knew that “next week” had to start NOW.

Changing a well-worn habit is like turning a giant ship around.

It takes TIME. Patience. Self-love. Compassion. Discipline. A little bit of failure.

I’ve got to say . . . this mission to slow down in Q4 has been very humbling for me. It’s humbling because I normally respond quickly to goals I set, but in this case I felt like such a failure. I literally did not know where to start, and I found myself continually overwhelmed week after week.

You can’t just wait for things to change, then get frustrated when they don’t.

New habits, especially one as sensitive as saying no (at least for all you people-pleasers like me), are scratchy and difficult. That is why they are new. That’s why they matter. It’s frustrating, but you’re in the trenches now. You’ve got to fight, learn, and fail your way through.

We can’t expect to turn the entire ship around in two seconds.

10 Important Reminders for Habit Change and the “No” Business

1. It’s not enough to hope for habit change. Actions have to follow desire — this is not easy. There WILL be a dip when you are learning a new skill.
2. Habit change starts with one tiny aspect at a time. In yoga, the teacher might give the most subtle correction: don’t collapse the arches of your feet during standing poses. That alone will take me months of concerted practice and repetition to correct! And yet those nuances are part of the fun. It’s a champagne problem to have (in yoga or life) to be in the business of refining, not just survival.
3. What got you here won’t get you there. This is a popular business book that also applies to habit change. Sometimes the very habits that have made you successful (working around the clock) are not the ones that will help you create sustainable success over the long-term. At a certain point you have to evolve, particularly as your life, goals or responsibilities become more complex.
4. Any big goal usually comes with new habits. How will you make room for them in your life? If your goal is to lose weight, what new eating and exercise habits do you need to develop? If your goal is to start a blog or write a book, when will you set aside the time to write?
5. You may will probably fail at first. Remember learning to ride a bike? It’s scary. Wobbly. Crashy. It requires support from those around you. But, after concerted practice, one day it will become second nature.
6. Habit change starts TODAY. Not tomorrow, not next week. Snap out of your procrastinator’s paradise (more like purgatory) and make the tough decisions to change and improve your life TODAY.
7. Saying no — especially to people you care about — can be very challenging. Root your response in truth and values — share your conflict honestly. Let them know that normally you would love to say yes, but right now you’re taking a much-needed break (or insert other authentic reason) and that you hope they understand. They might even relate and admire your no-wielding courage.
8. Priortize. What is most important to you? If you are clear on your priorities, it will be easier to say no. One of my mentors Susan came up with a great checklist: Are you healthy? Do you have enough time for yourself? Do you have enough time for your friends and family? Do you have enough time to get your own work done? If yes — and ONLY yes to all of the above — should you then start entertaining others’ requests. Make your own list — what should come first before saying yes?
9. If it’s not one exception, it’s another. Don’t let exceptions wiggle you out of your commitment to habit change. We’ve all played the “just this one time” game. When is it time to make yourself the exception?
10. When all else fails, get outside! Nature has this amazing way of bringing clarity and a sense of grounding. If you’re frustrated about a habit you can’t break, frame up your challenge as a question and go for a walk, a hike, a bike ride, a run — anything that will shift your thinking through the power of fresh air and connection with the great outdoors.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments:

What helps you turn the big habit ship around?
Got any great tips for saying no, even when you’re conflicted and want to say yes? 

The Jealousies (n). A brilliant term coined by my friends Jamie and Nicole to convey the sentiment of watching someone be or do something you wish you could. Perhaps it’s an internal quality, like their charm or joie de virve. Or maybe they wrote a book or ran a marathon; bought a house or started a business.

I’m a firm believer that The Jealousies can be a good thing — envy may be one of the seven deadly sins, but The Jealousies can act as a sign-post to something amazing you’re wanting to do or become in your own life. Channeled productively, The Jealousies help us reach new heights and accomplish great things.

You know it when you have it. You itch with simultaneous glee for your friend and a nagging tug in your brain. A tug that is at once hopeful and afraid. A tug that, for many of us, begins to ask the wrong questions.

The Wrong Questions We Often Ask:

• Can I do that?
• Am I capable?
• Do I deserve that level of success?
• Would I fail if I tried?
• Will I ever get off my a** and do something about this feeling?

And that’s if we’re even asking questions. Some of us jump immediately to: 

There’s another huge problem with capability-based questions when it comes to your big goals:

Your brain has no effing clue! It has never attempted that goal before! How would your brain, going off your own history, actually know whether you can achieve this new thing or not? That’s where the popular saying, “You won’t know ’til you try” comes in.

The secret to channelling your Jealousies productively is to ask HOW questions: 

4. Get support: An exciting announcement

I’m nervous as all get-out to tell you this, but the Make Sh*t Happen course is launching in TWO weeks. Two weeks!

This is MY big scary goal that I’ve been working on all summer; it’s the first time I’ve been able to put my 5+ years of Training & Development experience at Google into my own project. I’ve put together an 8-week course that will help you channel your jealousies productively, taking your massive goal from a “nice idea” to inevitable success, using the framework and coaching strategies that I’ve applied to every major goal in my own life.

There will only be 36 spots in the pilot class — I’m keeping it small so that I can go above and beyond for each person and make sure the course is as effective as I’m anticipating it will be. I’m going to email the Make Sh*t Happen early notification list first; they will get the first crack at sign-ups. If there are any spots left, I will then announce that enrollment is open on my Inside Scoop list, then the blog. If you’re itching for a spot, make sure you sign-up to be one of the first to know when it opens!

I can’t freakin’ wait.

What’s currently giving you a case of The Jealousies?
More importantly, what are you going to do about it?