I LOVE the act of traveling for many of the reasons Lehrer describes; I do some of my best thinking, reflection, problem-solving and brainstorming while on moving vehicles – whether by bike, car, train or plane. There’s something soothing, cathartic and almost meditative about getting quiet and watching the world zoom by; with nowhere else to be and nothing else to do, my mind feels free to just relax and do its best work.

My favorite excerpts of Why We Travel:

We travel because we want to, because the annoyances of the airport are outweighed by the visceral thrill of being someplace new. Because work is stressful and our blood pressure is too high and we need a vacation. Because home is boring. Because the flights were on sale. Because Paris is Paris.

…When we escape from the place we spend most of our time, the mind is suddenly made aware of all those errant ideas we’d previously suppressed. We start thinking about obscure possibilities that never would have occurred to us. Furthermore, this more relaxed sort of cognition comes with practical advantages, especially when we’re trying to solve difficult problems.

…The larger lesson, though, is that our thoughts are shackled by the familiar. The brain is a neural tangle of near infinite possibility, which means that it spends a lot of time and energy choosing what not to notice. As a result, creativity is traded away for efficiency; we think in literal prose, not symbolist poetry. A bit of distance, however, helps loosen the chains of cognition, making it easier to see something new in the old; the mundane is grasped from a slightly more abstract perspective.

So let’s not pretend that travel is always fun, or that we endure the jet lag for pleasure…We travel because we need to, because distance and difference are the secret tonic of creativity. When we get home, home is still the same. But something in our mind has been changed, and that changes everything.

***

Speaking of travel, I am packing all my geeky tech & blogger gadgets (iPhone, Mac, Flip Cam, Moo Cards & Moleskine) and heading to Austin, Texas on Friday for the SXSW Interactive conference. I am so excited I can barely stand it! I can’t wait to finally meet so many people I’ve known virtually through Twitter and blogging (some for over two years!) in person. If you are going and want to meet for cupcakes, coffee or a beer – definitely let me know (and/or follow me on Plancast).

No related posts.

Bottom-line for employees: YOU own your career. No one else is going to do it for you.
Bottom-line for managers: Take the time to check-in with your employees; schedule career development conversations at least 1-2 times per year.

Click here to open in a new window, or watch other great videos on the GenY panel website.

My Thoughts on Career Development for Gen Y:

What’s important to you – as an individual or a manager – when it comes to career development (and career-related conversations)?

Related posts:

1. Gen Y in the Workplace Webinar: A Smorgasbord of Thoughts I’m excited to share that I was the guest speaker...
2. Learn to Love Feedback: It’s Your Career Currency “Never flinch at failure: If you’re not making some mistakes,...
3. Create a Professional Development Strategy (Part 2 of 2) “What is the recipe for successful achievement? To my mind...

If I ever do learn to cook (one day mom, I promise!), I'm starting with this thing.

It’s time for another Crock-Pot post (yes, I just made that up): sometimes I get hit with so many unrelated miscellaneous links, articles, and cool things to share that I decide to throw it all into a big stew and serve it up. Bon appetite!

Happy Thoughts – Delivered Daily

I’m a sucker for daily inspirational emails, quotes or thoughts. Three lists I’ve been enjoying lately:

• The Daily Love – “Wisdom with Style” (Quotes on love and happiness)
• Positive Quote of the Day (Short, simple email with a great thought to start each day)
• TUT – Notes from the Universe (funny, wise and widely-known list)

I particularly appreciated today’s TUT Note (thank you Ruth Ann for sharing it!):

“Of all the things that matter, Jenny, that really and truly matter, working more efficiently and getting more done, is not among them.

Chill,
The Universe

And, quite accidentally, Jenny, such an appreciation leads to greater efficiency and more productivity. Not that that really matters.”

Other great stuff around the web:

• Colin Wright’s eBook, How to be Remarkable (the Least You Need to Know). Incredibly well done with powerful advice – a must-read!
• Matt Cheuvront’s Epiphany Moment video series (featuring yours truly)
• The full round-up of posts for Elisa Doucette’s February “All You Need is Love” series
• The reader comments on my Help a Reader Out: How Do You Make Decisions post: TONS of fantastic, insightful tips.
• My Dad’s Blog! I couldn’t be prouder. My dad and I take walks every Sunday and talk about life – I’m so excited that he’s now sharing all of his great stories, theories and art with the rest of the world!
• I signed-up for Formspring – ask me anything and I’ll answer (but keep it friendly and SFW, people!)
• There are lots more articles I find interesting (on writing, psychology, happiness, humor and more) on Delicious

My Policy on Book Reviews – and Live a Life You Love: Book Giveaway Winner

I’ve implemented a new policy on this blog for book reviews (on books that others send to me, not ones I choose myself). In the name of transparency, I’m sharing it with all of you:

1. I will only review books if I get two copies – one for me and one to give away to my readers; It’s no fun if I’m the only one getting a free book!
2. I will only agree to someone sending me a book in the first place if I find the description captivating. The book should meet at least one of the following criteria: useful/beneficial to me and my readers, related to topics I blog about, or fun/unique in some way.
3. I reserve the right to decide whether to write a blog post on the book until after reading it (at which point I can discern whether a majority of my readers will learn or benefit in some way).
4. Am I missing anything?

With that, I’m excited to announce that Clara is the winner of the Live a Life You Love book giveaway. Congrats, and thanks so much to everyone who commented to enter!

OK Go’s AWESOME New Music Video – This Too Shall Pass

I leave you with one final pick-me-up: OK Go’s new music video – it’s colorful, playful, creative, and just pure genius. (Plus – the contraptions remind me of the booby traps from The Goonies, one of my all time favorite movies.) Enjoy!

No related posts.

“Periods of recovery are likewise intrinsic to creativity and to intimate connection. Sounds become music in the spaces between notes, just as words are created by the spaces between letters. It is in the spaces between that love, friendship, depth and dimension are nurtured.”

—Jim Loehr

I live a life that I am incredibly grateful for; a life full of activities, work, people and fun. And yet, particularly at times of transition, my life seems overcome by emptiness. Empty spaces that are at first unwelcome, but ultimately absolutely necessary.

How my empty spaces show up
A familiar feeling started sweeping over me yesterday as I dropped my friend off after coffee. I got a lump in my throat, a sense of dread as I drove back to my empty house, where there was no one waiting for me. I love my condo – I bought it two years ago and I live alone. On most days, I am incredibly thankful for my solitude and personal space. But as I drove home yesterday with no plans for Saturday night (intentional because I’ve been sick), a feeling of total emptiness consumed me. I felt taunted by the running to-do list in my mind, of all the projects I could be working on but didn’t want to start.

My eyes welled up with tears and voices started sneering in the back of my mind. “See? You can’t be alone. You say you’re happy by yourself but you’re not. This is proof.” I know that voice is wrong (given that 99 percent of the time I am THRILLED to live alone and have time to myself), but I also know that in those moments of near-panic, if I can just get past them, there are deeper truths waiting.

1. Physical messages: When your body talks, listen.
I got really sick this week. I was extremely fatigued – no amount of sleep seemed to be enough. I saw this coming from a mile away. I know I’ve been running myself into the ground.

On more than one occasion in the last month, I’ve had to stop in the stairwell at work and just breathe. In those moments, my eyes would grow wide and I would get struck with the sudden urge to drop every single project, task and friend I had committed anything to. To completely cancel my schedule, my projects and my to-do lists, because it was all too overwhelming. I didn’t run away and I don’t plan to. But I also can’t continue operate at a pace that makes me feel that way on a regular basis.

I believe our physical health is a reflection of our mental and emotional states of mind. Our bodies are smart. They know what we need. My body demanded this week that I bring my crazy life to a screeching halt and re-adjust. Get my emotional ducks in a row. Re-prioritize and give myself permission to take a time out. And in those time outs, to allow myself to sink into the empty spaces of my life. The spaces that are not filled with activities or people – just me. I tend to avoid them because they can feel lonely – very lonely – at first.

2. Break-ups: Empty on overdrive
When I slow down, particularly after a break-up and when the weekend comes, I notice empty spaces in the day that weren’t there before. Where I was once laughing and smiling, replaying a fun conversation or looking forward to a future one, there is now nothing. Nothing but quiet.

In an effort to avoid the emptiness, I might make phone calls or refresh my email inbox, twitter stream and feed reader. I seek distractions to shove in the empty spaces that I know I am avoiding. But deep down, I know that none of those things are going to bring back the giddy excitement drug that I was so used to taking. I know that the only way out is through — to be quiet, and to let the emptiness exist. To be patient with myself and pay attention to what I truly want and need. And to suffer through the empty spaces instead of stuffing them with temporary relief instead.

3. Big goals: The bigger the project, the bigger the spaces
As you know from recent posts, I am back to working on my giant goal, THE goal of my life. Writing a book is one of the projects that I feel I was born to do.

During the week I fantasize about working on my book on weekends; spending time alone in coffee shops or in front of my fireplace, writing. Oooooh, aahhhh. So romantic. But when the moment comes to sit down and get to work, I feel intimidated by the emptiness. I am reminded that I am working on this project alone. That at the end of the day, its success depends on me – on my ideas and my commitment. The empty spaces return.

What do red flags, break-ups and big goals have in common?
Empty spaces show up when activities stop. They show up when a relationship ends, and when a big, important project is on the horizon. Empty spaces can be scary, lonely, and sad at first. They can feel paralyzing. But when the empty spaces show up – if we let them – that is exactly when our lives get quiet enough to make room for what is next.

So make the hard choices. Walk through the fire. Sit with your empty spaces and see what happens.

***

P.S. What did I end up doing with my Saturday night? I lit a fire in the fireplace; bought a delicious salad, dark chocolate and a mocha (with whip!) for dinner; put Sex and the City on in the background; cleaned-up an old pile of clutter (clear space, clear mind) and yes – worked on my book. Empty space – SURVIVED. And you know what? After I panicked and wrote this blog post – I really started enjoying it.

No related posts.

Dr. Susan Biali

Two years ago, when my parents and friends were my only blog subscribers and I had just started coaching, a woman named Susan Biali commented on my blog with a note of encouragement.

When I saw that she was a flamenco-dancing doctor, life-coach, author AND speaker who split her time living between Mexico and Canada? I almost fell out of my chair. She was (and still is) LIVING. THE. DREAM.  A version of my dream. The one in which I become an author-speaker-life coach-entrepreneur-extraordinaire; inspiring others while living a balanced, healthy, passionate life.

Susan has done more than inspire me these last two years. She has shown me the true meaning of generosity. Generosity of spirit. Generosity of time. Generosity of giving people one of the greatest gifts in the world: believing in them, and lifting them up when times get tough.

• Generosity is having a big full life, and sending a note to a no-name blogger.
• Generosity is writing one year later, sending that same blogger an email just to say hello, this time bursting from the seams with praise, support and encouragement.
• Generosity is agreeing to a phone call in the middle of a full schedule of speaking, traveling, writing and publishing a book.
• Generosity is proactively offering to have MONTHLY calls to support that blogger’s dreams, even while working so hard on her own.
• Generosity is sending two copies of her new book with hand-written notes on the inside, then making time for a call right in the middle of the book promotion frenzy.
• Generosity is offering help…even when the other person doesn’t quite know how to ask.

Don’t forget what a gift your time and attention is – and the difference it can make in someone else’s life.

Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You

In her book, Live a Life You Love, Susan says “People first, life later.” She means it, and her generosity with me is proof of that.

Susan’s book – aside from leaving me brimming with pride and sheer joy for her success – has lifted me up after a physically and emotionally exhausting week. I picked it up and couldn’t put it down. It felt like Susan was sitting right next to me, reminding me of all the things that truly matter in life.

From the last chapter: “Under all the stress, fear, failures, and wrong choices you might have made in your life, you know who you really are, and how you’re meant to live. I hope I’ve successfully reminded you of how totally original you are, how worthy of love you are, how brilliant and wonderful your body is, and what you you need to thrive.”

Susan achieves her mission with flying colors in this book. She is vulnerable, relatable and wise. Her “gold dust” (our word for radiating joy and energy) sparkles on every page, and her generosity – which extends far beyond this book – has been a true gift to me (and many others).

With that, I am thrilled to share a signed copy with one of you! Just leave me a comment by the end of the day on Sunday, and I’ll pick a winner through Random.org early next week.

As Susan says, “May you live a life rich in meaning, health and happiness!” Wherever you are starting from this week, may you take one step closer to all three.

Happy Friday everyone

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3. Living with Joy: Book Notes Living With Joy is one of the most powerful books...

Before we jump in: I’ll continue to give periodic book updates on this blog, but if you want more detailed resources, tips and stories on a regular basis (delivered via email no more than 1-2x/mo) sign-up here.

Life After College Book Project: Timeline of Events (Get comfortable!)

“If all you can do is crawl, start crawling.”
−Rumi

1. Sept 2008 – Getting the Guts to Start
A fellow life after college blogger (and amazing woman), ChaChanna, got in touch asking me to post a link to her book on my website. I immediately felt pangs of jealousy and replied with, “I admire you for jumping in. I’ve been wanting to write a book for a while now, but I keep getting stuck on ‘it’s already been written,’ which I know sounds silly.”

That was the first time I had even uttered the words out loud: I’ve been wanting to write a book. “For a while?” TRY MY WHOLE LIFE. ChaChanna wrote back and said, “Go ahead and write your book. The topic may have been written already but
 it hasn’t been written by you!” For those words I will be forever grateful; they inspired my first “Aha! maybe I can do this” moment.

2. Dec 2008/January 2009 – The Burst of Inspiration and Hyper-Productivity

“When I face the desolate impossibility of writing 500 pages, a sick sense of failure falls on me, and I know I can never do it. Then gradually, I write one page and then another. One day’s work is all that I can permit myself to contemplate.”
−John Steinbeck

Struck with a wave of inspiration, I took two weeks off over the holidays to start writing. After the break, I spent many weekends alone on Friday nights and holed up in coffee shops to produce the first ROUGH, rough draft of my book.

I describe my book as “Twitter meets What Color is Your Parachute for every area of your life.” It is not a narrative – it’s a compilation of tips, quotes, advice and exercises for many aspects of someone’s Life After College (similar to my blog). I spent most of my time gathering and assembling blog posts, quotes from college grads, quotes from famous people, books I’ve read and coaching exercises.

I felt high on life! I was in the zone, productive and happy. Nothing could bring me down; I was going to get this book in graduates’ hands by Spring of 2009, rain or shine! HAH. Or so I thought. Little did I know at the time, it wouldn’t be out by 2010 either.

3. February 2009 to June 2009 – The Dip (aka: You couldn’t PAY ME to open the Word doc with my book in it)
Once I finished the first draft of my book I debated whether to self-publish or go the traditional route. I thought I wanted to self-publish (deep down because I was afraid of rejection from publishers) until the thought of hiring an editor, designer and printer sent me into complete paralysis.

I got hit with this unbelievable sense of writer’s block – except that it permeated the whole project. I didn’t even open the damn Word file for five months. FIVE MONTHS! At the same time, I found myself experiencing a serious quarterlife crisis, job-related depression, and a major dip in confidence. While it was important to “feel my feelings” and give myself space to slow down and take stock of my life, self-doubts continued holding me back, particularly the fear that I was not capable of publishing a successful book. I was in no shape to be creative, nor did I have an ounce of energy to spend on what felt like an insurmountable behemouth of a side-project.

4. June 2009 – The Universe Smacks Me Upside the Head (aka: a chance meeting with THE author of How to Write a Book Proposal)

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

I met Michael Larsen, a well-known, well-respected literary agent, at a Northern California Speaker’s Association Event. He and I really hit it off (he was interested in Google, I was interested in publishing my book), and before I left he gave me his copy of How to Write a Book Proposal. If meeting THE AUTHOR of THE BOOK on how to write a proposal isn’t a cosmic sign to get back to work, I don’t know what is.

Within two weeks, I was back on the horse, feeling re-energized with my book proposal draft in hand. I figured pitching my book to publishers was like applying to Harvard out of high school – they might reject me (just like Harvard did) but at least I would know that I had tried. For the rest of my life, I would sleep better at night knowing I gave this project my best shot.

5. July 2009 – “Are You Interested in Writing a Book for Gen Y?” Publisher contacts ME.
At first I thought the email was spam (or a bad joke). The subject line, “Are You Interested in Writing a Book for Gen Y?” stopped me in my tracks. Ummmm, YES! I had literally just finished the proposal and was going to start sending it to literary agents, when out of nowhere a well-known publisher found my blog from Ryan Stephen’s June Top 10 Blogs list (thank you Ryan!).

Through a series of calls, they expressed that they were “very interested” and took the idea all the way up to their Editor-in-Chief. I was floored – but didn’t want to get my hopes up until their commitment was a done deal. Regardless, their interest helped me gain confidence that I had something special going with this book.

6. July 2009 to November 2010 – Dip #2: Hurry up and Wait…And No F@#*ing Clue How to Find an Agent
To make a long story short (as this timeline is already long enough!), I hit a second dip. I went back and forth with that publisher for months. I found myself waiting for updates from them, knowing I should be looking for an agent in the meantime but not knowing where to start.

From talking to other authors, I discovered that the way to find an agent was through referrals and by looking through a directory of 400+ names, somehow narrowing it down to agents who might work with books related to mine, then introducing myself via email. For some reason that huge directory just sent me into a stupor again. I was overwhelmed with no idea where to start, and I think subconsciously I wasn’t ready for the potential rejection from dozens of agents (I know, common theme anyone?! Stupid sabateur.)

7. December to January 2010 – Connections, “Cold” Query Emails and Contact!
SIX MONTHS after finishing my book proposal (procrastination at its finest), and thanks to an amazing life coach who helped me break through my upper limits, I finally started contacting potential literary agents. I sent them 1-page query emails with a summary of me and my project and links to sample blog posts.

I got in touch with about 10 agents total (which is not very many) – some from the directory (akin to cold calling) and some through a network of family and author-friends. Half replied with rejections, but I had the good fortune of half of them being interested. After a series of phone calls, meetings and reference-checks, I went with my gut and picked a literary agent with a very strong background who was interested in my project…which brings us to today!

8. February 2010 – Momentum and Motivation Return
So here we are now. After a year of ups and downs, I am finally feeling momentum and possibility around this project again. I feel like my lungs just filled up with oxygen and I can breathe; like my dream to be a published author is actually possible! I also know that all of the challenges in the last year served as great research; they helped me grow tremendously as a person and author, and I know that the book will be much stronger because of them.

Finally, I am so incredibly grateful for all of the encouraging comments you left on my last post and in the sign-up form for book updates; you have no idea how much it means to me. THANK YOU. Thank you for lifting me up and helping me feel like even though I may be writing alone, I am not on this journey alone.

So what’s next?

9. March 2010 – Hold My Hand and Think Good Thoughts! Pitching Me & My Proposal to Publishers
I am revising my proposal as we speak. For those of you who are curious, the proposal is about 35 pages double-spaced and reads much like a business plan. The first part answers the following key questions: Why me? Why this book? What will motivate my target audience to actually buy it? The second major chunk covers my marketing plan (how I will promote and sell the book) with a bio and testimonials, and the third part is an outline of the book with a description of every chapter.

Once my agent thinks the proposal is ready, we will start pitching to publishers in early March (so that ideally the book will come out in Spring of 2011). My dream is to have it on the “For Recent Graduates” table at Barnes & Noble, and you’ll be along for the ride from now until then!

Want the inside book scoop on an ongoing basis?

WHEW!! Did you make it this far? A reminder from last time (since future book posts will not be NEARLY as detailed):

Because this blog is not about writing a book, per se – there are lots of tips, stories about my process, resources and updates I’d like to share more frequently than I am likely to post about (and somewhat more private updates too). If you are interested in following more detailed book updates, please let me know by filling out this quick form. I look forward to sharing more with you!

Related posts:

1. Life After College Book Project: The Missing Story – Part 1 of 2 It’s confession time again. Remember the turtle shell mode I...

When Orman’s media team got in touch and asked me to submit a question for her to answer via video, I was tempted to ask “HOW CAN I BE YOU?!” but came to my senses and went with something more practical (props to Lauren for suggesting the winning question via Twitter). I’m thrilled to report that she and her team came through, and that my life is now complete! Okay, well close

The question:

A good portion of my audience would describe themselves as “Young, Fabulous and Broke” – as your book is so aptly named. What is the most important thing for recent graduates to remember as they try to balance paying bills, having fun, paying off student loans and saving for retirement? How should they prioritize all those things?

Suze’s Response (Click here to open in a new window):

Want more Suze? (How AWESOME is that black leather jacket, btw?!) Check-out her website, YouTube channel, Facebook fan page and follow her on twitter.

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You’ve heard me drop little references to a book project, but in general I know I’ve been very mysterious. I want to do better. I want to share more with you – the ups and the downs. You are here reading this blog every week, you are the audience I think about at every step, and you are the ones who have encouraged me to keep writing with every comment and every email! It’s silly for me to let my fear of failure (or fear of success) keep me from sharing more.

So what prompted this post?

Big news: I chose my literary agent this weekend!! My project feels real. It has survived self-doubt, addictive focus, a quarterlife crisis, deciding not to self-publish after months of writer’s block, upper limits, and many other twists and turns. I started writing in 2008, and finally – in February 2010 – I’m coming clean and telling you what the hell I’ve been doing all these months!

Signing with a literary agent does not make this a done deal – there is no guarantee a publisher will sign-on, that the book will sell – or any other metric of traditional success. But I want to stick my neck out and share the journey with you anyway. If I “fail”? (in quotes because I truly feel just going for it is a success) So what?! We’ll figure it out together. Plus, by saying it out loud I know I’ll have that much more momentum behind me and the project. You just try to bring us down, universe!

I know many of you have dreams to be a writer – or maybe you are just curious about how my process has gone. In Part 2 of this post, I’ll share the timeline of events that’s gotten me here: from the seed of an idea to now, which is that the book draft is written and I’m working on revising the proposal to start submitting to publishers in March.

Want the inside book scoop on an ongoing basis?

Because this blog is not about writing a book, per se – there are lots of tips, stories about my process, resources and updates I’d like to share more frequently than I am likely to post about (and somewhat more private updates too). If you are interested in following more detailed book updates, please let me know by filling out this quick form. I look forward to sharing more with you!

Related posts:

1. Life After College Book Project: The Missing Story Part 2 – Timeline of Events In Part 1 of this post I shared some big...

Jenny – could you write about decision making? I’m probably the most indecisive person on the planet.  I’ve realized that maybe this is stemming from a much deeper problem − like an unwillingness to commit to something.  It usually causes me to stress out about things that I wish I didn’t.  It can range from a huge life decision “Should I graduate early?” or “Does God exist?” to “What should I make for dinner today?” or “How does this outfit look?”  How do people make these decisions and why can’t i do it?!

Jenna

6 of my Decision-Making Strategies (to kick-off the brainstorming):

1. Get crystal clear on your values and goals. These are your compass to keep you on track and point you in the right direction.
2. Ask yourself broad but direct questions: What do I really want? What is important to me about that? What do I know in my gut to be true?
3. As Martha Beck would say, focus on what feels “shackles off” versus “shackles on.” As you weigh your decision, picture yourself playing out each version. Think about what feels freeing versus suffocating. What excites you most? What factors are you considering based on fear versus based on your true values and desires? (For more: see Steering by Starlight book notes)
4. Consult trusted advisers – but not too many, too early or too often. Consulting a few close advisers (friends, family or co-workers) on important decisions can give you a sounding-board for when you’re stuck. The best advisors can help you think through each aspect of a decision from a neutral place. Just be careful not to rely on them too heavily or you will end up creating so much noise that you drown out your own gut instincts.
5. Get quiet so you can hear yourself think. Give yourself space to reflect – I do my best thinking/processing while running, swimming, writing and driving. What works best for you?
6. Trust: trust your gut and that the right decision will become clear when you’re ready. One day you will wake up and just know. The decision will make itself at exactly the right time. Until then, try to relax a little bit.

Your turn: any advice for Jenna on how you make decisions or on how you commit to those decisions with confidence? I’m really looking forward to hearing from all of you – I have no doubt that your combined wisdom will be far more valuable than anything I could come up with on my own!

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“We should bear our sorrows with greater confidence than our joys. For they are the moments when something new, something unknown, has entered into us. The more patient, quiet and open we are in our sorrowing, the more deeply and the more unhesitatingly will the new thing enter us and the better we shall deserve it.”

—Rainer Maria Rilke

As part of my year of love, I promised myself I would be more vulnerable. In life AND on this blog. As much as it scares me, I am committing to letting you in a little more – to show you the sides of me that aren’t always shiny and happy – even though for the most part I like to focus on joy, practical tips and positivity.

But alas – in the name of vulnerability, today I bring you a note on sadness. Sadness over a romantic relationship ending. I’ll leave it at that, because this post is about feelings, not details.

Processing Feelings: The Turtle Method

When I am sad, I tend to hide from the world – including my friends (and twitter followers and blog readers). I retreat into my turtle shell and won’t come out until I can be happy and put-together again. I’m not endorsing this method (it gets lonely) – it just happens to be my first line of defense.

Yesterday I retreated into my “I’m fine!” turtle shell, and today I feel like someone reached down from the sky and plucked the whole thing right off. Sadness exposed. Written on my face. Tears welling up at unpredictable moments (for example: as I write this in the middle of a crowded coffee shop).

And yet – I am grateful. I am happy that I’m sad, because it represents the fact that I lived and I loved and I felt alive. I am sad that the wonderful experience is over, but so happy for the connection and the countless moments of bliss.

Weather Report: Cloudy with a (very good!) Chance of Sunshine

The weather in the SF Bay Area today is grey and drizzly, with intermittent sunshine and respite from the rain. That’s exactly how I feel. Quiet and lightly sad (not the full-blown so-depressed-I-can’t-move kind), with many moments of fond memories and gratitude for everything I learned and experienced.

If I ever shunned sadness or pushed it aside, I am not doing that now. I am giving it a free pass to hang out with me today (and for as long as it needs to, really). I took it to breakfast, to coffee, on a long walk and even all the way to my blog (it should feel honored!). I know that only by letting it in – and airing it out – can I really move forward.

I am a Quote Machine (But admit it – that’s partly why you love me)

There are two Rilke quotes I send to friends when they hit rough patches. In addition to the one I shared above, they are:

“Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses, who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave.”

“You must think that something is happening upon you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall.”

—Rainer Maria Rilke

Sadness, vulnerability and love are more beautiful than I ever gave them credit for. Because they are real and raw and part of living a big full life. And so is letting people in.

So even though I’m a little sad today, don’t be too worried about me. This is nothing that eating a dozen Red Velvet Cupcakes in one sitting can’t fix!*

*Kidding. I think.

Related posts:

1. A note of compassion for those pesky things called FEELINGS I posted last week about my dating (or more accurately...